The date.
The day is finally here. It's the day you go on your date with Twilight, but there are some bumps in the road. First, you got to talk to the Cakes to see if you can have the place to yourselves,and last but not least you got to look good for the date, you can go to Rarity's Boutique and get fitted for a tux.
It's 5:00 now, only 2 more hours left. You were able to get the Cakes to agree on letting you having the place to yourselves for the night and you got yourself fitted and got a tux, on a positive note rarity says you don't have to pay for it, since it was for a special occasion.
It's 6:50. So you decide to head toward Sugarcube Corner and wait for Twilight to get here. 5 minutes later you can see Twilight leaving her castle and heading towards Sugarcube Corner. From where your standing, you can't tell if Twilight has dressed up for the occasion, while trying to see if she's wearing anything, she's in front of you and looking up at you.
"Um.....hello is anypony home". She says breaking you from trance.
"Oh sorry, I was trying to see what you were wearing for the occasion". You say feeling stupid.
"Well then, let your eyes gaze". She then starts to pose for you. Starting from the left and finished on the right. "Like what you see". She says.
You can see she's wearing a light purple dress with purple sparkles on it, just like her cutie mark, and a flower on the right side of her head, which is the same color of her dress.
"Yes, I do. You look beautiful". You say without thinking.
"Why thank you, shall we go in". She says.
"Lets". You say. You move your hand over to Twilight. She puts her hoof in your hand. You gently gripped it, so it wouldn't hurt her, you both then walked into Sugarcube Corner.
"Where do you want to sit Twilight". You say to her.
She looks around and she points to a table."How about over there". She says.
"Okay". You say as you lead her to the table. You pull her chair out for her and push it in, then you seat yourself. The table is next to a window and it's got a great view of Luna's moonlight. You start up some conversation, you tell her about your life and what you did before you came here.
"What would you two like". Mrs. Cake says putting your story to a halt.
"How about one milkshake with two straws, so me and Twilight can share". You say while looking at Twilight, causing a smile to form on her face.
Okay, one milkshake with two straws coming up. She says and then walks off to go make your order.
You continue your story, but once you were finished Twilight decided to jump in and tell you some things about her.
Once Twilight finished, Mrs. Cake dropped by and gave you two your milkshake and your two straws. "Thank you". You say to Mrs. Cake.
"Your welcome". She says to you.
You both stick your straws into the milkshake but you didn't drink out of it yet. "I'm guessing you got the tux from Rarity". Twilight says while looking at your tux.
"Yep. She fitted me and gave it to me for free for this special occasion. I'm guessing you got your dress from Rarity as well". You say pointing at her dress.
"Yes I did. Rarity had made it for me in very little time.". She says.
"Well, she done a really good job at it". You say back.
You both sit in silence for a couple of minutes until Twilight started to look out the window. "Isn't it beautiful". She says.
"What the sky,moon, stars, or Ponyville".
"Everything, Everything i'm looking at is beautiful". She says still staring out the window.
"Just like you". You say. When she heard that she looked directly at you with a smile on her face.
"Aww, that's so sweet". She says.
"Well, I think your beautiful anytime of the day". You say meaning it.
"Your so sweet". She says. Then the both of you went for the milkshake, while you do that you both looked into each other's eyes. After you both had some of milkshake your still looking into each other's eyes.
Eventually Twilight moves the milkshake away and starts to you pull you closer with her magic and it happened. You and Twilight lips finally connect. You both stayed connected for almost a minute before breaking the kiss.
After breaking the kiss, you look for a few minutes in silence before Twilight had spoken. "How was that".
"That was amazing". You say with a smile on your face. "So does this mean we are......"
She nods her head. "Yep".
"Okay, here's the bill. Whenever your done, just go to the counter". Mrs. Cake says droping in by surprise, then walks away.
"Thank you". You say. "Are we done, you want me to take you home". You say to Twilight.
"Yes". She says. You pull her chair out for her and push it back in once she's out. You go up to the counter and paid for your shake. Then you exited Sugarcube Corner while holding Twilight's hoof.
You walked Twilight to her castle and waited for her to go in, as soon as you start to walk away Twilight called out your name. "Hey". You turn around to see Twilight staring at you. "I forgot to tell you something". Getting your attention you walk up to her.
"Yes". Wondering what she's going to say.
"I had a great time tonight". She says.
"I had a great time too". You say, making a smile form on her face. She flys up to you and kisses you passionately. You wrap your arms around her neck and she does the same to you.
She breaks the kiss and whispers into your ear. "I love you".
"I love you too Twilight". You whispered into her ear. After that you release each other from your embrace.
She flys back down on all fours and she waves at you, you wave back. "I'll see you tomorrow". She says.
"You too". You were about to leave, but then Twilight called out your name again.
"Hey, I got an idea". She says.
You turn back around, wondering what she thought of. "Yes".
"Why don't you stay at my place tonight". She says.
"I would love to stay at your place tonight". You say.
After agreeing on staying at Twilight's place, Twilight told Spike that you and her went on a date and Spike came up to you and said. If you make her cry, "I will burn you in places that should never be burnt. Oh and please don't try to make love to her, I don't want to be scarred for live if I see it happen".
"I'll try my best and don't worry that won't happen unless Twilight's ready". You say reassuring him.
After your conversation with Spike. The three of you started to get ready for bed. You followed Twilight into her bedroom, the both of you climbed into bed together and you both layed down facing each other. "Goodnight my Sparkle". You say and kissed her on the forehead.
"Goodnight my love". She says and kisses you on the nose.
You both wrap into an embrace, fell asleep in it, and you both have a smile on your face.
You've reached the end of the story. There will be more of these in the future.
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6800976
Thank you.
If this is the end of the story, you should mark the story complete. If there is a sequel you can always add the link to it in the author's notes.
I have a couple of comments about the date though. It would be unlikely that the cakes would close the shop unless they were catering to a big party. Instead of closing down the shop to all of their patrons, consider having sugar cane corner have some privet booths instead. Tux's are for formal balls and weddings. A sharp looking suit though would not go a miss.
Keep it up, thumbs up
I like the concept, and the story. However it seems a bit, thin, is the best word I can find right now. Also a bit rushed. Perhaps a bit of padding , more description.
M'sparkle
I have read it at work, and well while it wasn´t the best I know, I want to give this a honest chance. It was also not the worst story I have seen!
I can remember that I don´t really feel that Twilight loves him. It was to sudden, and somehow out of nowhere too.
6801447
I guess I agree with that, but I like it enough that I want to see more, and then I try to help a bit more, then I try to comment about every part of the story, so that you know a little bit more why I think this and that way.
Check my page. I posted a blog on whoever wants to help me on my upcoming stories.
6801159
It's fixed.
Ooooh! Good story! Who is disliking this...?
6809880
I think this is my best story I made so far.
People who notice problems with the story will dislike the story.
What is with all the down votes? Its a little bit thin and could use some padding out but its still good.
Oh well screw the haters I enjoyed it.
6817380
Yeah.
6810477 You're right! Loved it!
Overall, this story felt a bit forced and for a date, a café wouldn't fit the mood. A great afternoon restaurant would be better. Apart from that, excellent. Also, who is the guy and how do the gang know him, and what did he do that made then get scared of him? Questions you should keep in mind.
Good job!
6827384
The guy name is Anon. How does Anon know the gang, Twilight showed him to them, and his appearance scares them because they've never seen creature like this before. I didn't know any names for a restaurant so I decided on Sugarcube Corner because it's closer and it's the only idea I had on my mind.
I'm sorry but I am so attracted to twilight. I was looking for so many stories that made myself the main character seeing Twilight. ^.^ cool story, but could've used a better setting for the date Lol, Felt a little bit rushed, but hey I know this is just a quick story for people who are really attracted to Twilight, like my self. xD Good job!
6911205
I did this in a rush over my Christmas break. Because I wanted to finish it before school started again. Your not the only one who's attracted to Twilight.
6911205
I am currently doing the exact same thing. Anything you would recommend ?
6933008 Lol, I don't really know, Whatever works I guess. I just liked this because I was the main character hehe.
6933068 Thats the same reason I like these But Im struggling to find many of them
I loved this. You should totally write a sequel. You've earned a follow.
7049903
A sequel is happening.
Thanks.
7051067 nice romance story, also you made the the storyline not confusing. good work
7068374
Thank you.
7068379 sooo, when the sequels will be released?
7068456
The sequel for this story will be released next month.
LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE
I LOVE THIS STORY, needs way more likes and views than It currently does. Quite possibly my best fantasy ever, thankyou so much for writting this!
7649651
Thank you so much.
7649710
Might I recomend you to one of mine seeing as your an avid fan of the little purple one :)
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/349360/quite-possibly-the-best-snuggle-ever
Best to start with the prequel first, just so you have it ;)
TWILIGHT, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!
Cute... but no, that's not the date you take Twilight on. This is the date you take Twilight on.
Step 1: Find a high up hill overlooking Ponyville, one where you can see the sky clearly.
Step 2: Prepare a picnic basket filled with daffodil and daisy sandwiches for her and your favorite food for yourself.
Step 3: Take her there once Luna's moon is raised and you can see the stars.
Step 4: Stargaze with her, asking her about Equestria's constellations and the myths and legends behind them. Aside from making friends, solving friendship problems, and reading, if there's two things she loves, it's teaching...
Step 5: ...and learning. If this is a humanxpony scenario we're talking about here, then if possible, bring a star chart detailing Earth's constellations, and tell her the myths and legends surrounding those.
Step 6: If she wants to get physical (you know what I mean, and of course kisses are fine), tell her that you wanna wait 'til marriage, or at least that you don't wanna rush into anything physical because after that, that's all the relationship becomes, and you stop wanting to get to know each other in other ways. It's worth it in the long run, guys. She'll see you as a gentleman that respects females, and she'll only want you more.
Step 7: Take her home.
Step 8: Profit.
Now granted, you'd have a very hard time topping that date, but there's always the "library browsing" easy button.
Reading this story again, I actually noticed a couple of severe flaws. Be aware, I'm not saying any of this to undermine you, just offering advice for future stories because, like all content creators I see the content of, I wanna see you improve and what comes from those improvements.
First off, the writing. I'm not gonna list all the grammatical and punctuation errors because as much as I pretend at times, I'm not Jeremy from CinemaSins (that said, I appreciate that none of the scenes contain lap dances). But a good rule I've learned from writing is to avoid repeating yourself too many times. It can get annoying rereading what you already read, and honestly makes the writer come across as amateurish more than bad grammar.
Second, Twilight. I came here to read a readerxTwilight story, but the only indications we have that we're on a date with Twilight is that she's an alicorn, her name is Twilight, and Spike is sometimes mentioned. The way the events play out in this story, you could replace her with just about any nice girl, especially from the Mane Cast, and it wouldn't feel any different. None of the personality traits and interests that make Twilight Twilight shine through here. If I only wanted to go on a date with an object I could call Twilight, I'd order a body pillow and Netflix and chill with that.
Which brings me to the main issue here. In a romance story, there's two key elements that you must always incorporate. Personality, and chemistry. Without personality, it's just a generic love story. Seen one, seen them all, don't need to see this one. Without chemistry, we'd never believe the two characters we're focusing on would or even could fall in love. And we focus on neither here. Any opportunities we see for it get glossed over. Like one commenter said, we escalated pretty quickly to get to the point of being suicidal over one rejection from one mare. All of a sudden, later in the story, we'd just be heartbroken for months if rejected. And the generic date setting doesn't help either.
All that said, you did inspire me to write a similar fic, so I am thankful for that. Sorry if I seemed too mean.
11168204
Lol I thought I recognised the fanfic and yes because they narrated it on youtube I remember
That was a great fanfic. loved it