This story is a sequel to My Sparkle
If you haven't read My Sparkle please read it first because it might help.
6 months after going on a date with Twilight you decide to take things to the next level. You are going to purpose to her.
Continuation of a Human X pony story. Somepony requested this so I'll do it.
Please thank PrinceLightningFlash for proofreading this.
As of July 15th this story has reached 500 views.
As of July 27th this story has reached 15 likes.
Reading of the story by Lotus Moon: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rNtzBZ9rlMc
Chapters (2)
Proposal...
And she promptly smacks you with her wing for inability to tell "your" from "you're", "purpose" from "propose", as well as for using present continuous tense where present simple would do as well (like, "You propose to Twilight and marry her").
Regarding that proofreading:
You may want to get a second opinion.
Also, commas. You're definitely going to want a few more commas.
Ok, here's a quick analysis of this fic:
-It's too short
-It's cliched
-Your protagonist has virtually no characterization
-No buildup
-Countless grammatical errors
In short, it's not very good.
On the plus side, though, it sounds really funny when you run it through a text to speech program, like this
It's good enough for me
I have Problems with this, but since everyone already made their opinions, I'll just say that it's not really good.
See I liked the short one because of its short snappy and whitty approach in its style of writting, but I felt like this one had much more potential for expanding on the story.
Grammar and spelling errors aside I was ok until this line : "One. You better not make love to her, ". Just what does that oversized iguana think married beings DO. Perhaps if the line ended, [ until you're married]. oh well.
Twilight's his wife of course their gonna make love and who says their kids have to be adopted?
Lazy writer
You mean propose?