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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Damn.... this guy means business!
Now is it in tatters as is ripped apart or blown apart. That's the real question
Can't wait to see his face get smashed in.
I do not feel sorry for poor Culus as when Yang gets her Aura back he will be in a world of hurt.
7383415 Pourque no dos? Incendiary claws
What? When the hell did Yang kill a pony? Or is Sunbeam not a pony?
Nice chapter! Can't wait for the next one!
Wait a minute here. One pony or whatever torn to shreds, Yang having the weapons for it when we know she wouldn't kill something intelligent? Combine that with the opening scene of the story, and-. . . . . .holy shit. Mercury's here too.
Well first, yay the story's back.
I had to look back at the previous chapter, but nothing said or implies that Yang killed a pony, even by accident, so I think it's someone else work. Probably Mercury.
Anyway we all know Yang's gonna bust out here. The only thing we don't know is is she gonna turn her captors into paste or not, and it seems Apple Bloom is with them. Better hope Yang controls herself. AB may get over the gory scene with the manticores and Yang, but witnessing ponies being slaughtered by her is a no no.
Were minotaurs intentionally the word you wanted to or were you thinking manticores?
is
7383500 She didn't - and that's the point.
And we are treated to some of Equestria's scum, poachers.
Strange that it's the one evil that Remnant would not have.
7383500
That's the point, she didn't. :P
I have something longer to comment about, but I need to get back to work. So right now I just want to bring one thing up that leaps out at me. Why would anything in Equestria (or Equus, or whatever we want to call the entire planet that includes Equestria the country) use the word "men?"
Oh good; misunderstandings...
Im thinking this is a misunderstanding but im not sure i cant recall a sun beam in the story
7383500
The point of it is that she didn't (as far as I know), hence the misunderstanding
7384038 Oh. okay.
KO awesome chapter, Yang sure got herself in a tight solution and hope she can fight her way out.
Whoo, a lot of comments! Let's answer 'em, shall we?
7384149 I hope so too!
7384020 He was never mentioned before. Maybe we'll get some clarity later, hm?
7383916 It sure as hell ain't pink armor! (But really, both of those lines were jokes that I was hoping people would pick up on, but you're the only one so far!)
7383903 I'll fix that!
7383883 Indeed they do...
7383879 And a pretty bad misunderstanding, too!
7383873 Hm, that's a good point. I'll change it!
7383822 He's a bastard, but one that hides his bastard-ness well.
7383761 There don't seem to be many poachable animals in Remnant.
7383642 It may be Mercury. Or it could be someone else. Who knows? (Well, I know, but that's not the point here...), and I'll fix those errors!
7383614 His is, indeed!
7383543 Thank you!
7383515 And there's more puns to come!
7383500 He is indeed a pony, but Yang didn't kill him. But Culus seems to think that she did. What's going on here?
7383445 He will indeed!
7383424 Yang would love to do that, I'd imagine.
7383415 Indeed...
7383395 Yes he does. And Culus is only getting started.
Thanks for the comments, everyone! Look forward to the future.
-Qrow
I see what you did there.
7384283 But where are Church, Tucker and Caboose?
7384248
Typical me, I'm being careful in my writing and I forget half of what I intended to say. I did love the Red VS Blue reference, I hope to see even more cameos of them in your story.
Wow, what a cunt.
7384302 I do plan on having more Rooster Teeth references here! I already have a few planned for the next arc.
7384307 Culus is pretty rude.
7384290
OK if you are seriously pitting those personas in (not strictly the actual armored marines) then I will call Ruby with Church, Caboose with Weiss, and Tucker with Blake.
I can only imagine how hilarious it would be if Weiss had to deal with Caboose and his... simpleness, or Tucker and him constantly hitting on her.
Hopefully he doesn't cause some of Yang's hair to fall out otherwise he dead.
img.ifcdn.com/images/b2538b2307fdb9a0d619a71de677db42feeff5553f722c681f416bf17837fea7_1.gif
7383916 Then we sent him to the store for some elbow grease and headlight fluid.
This chapter was well worth the wait! Dang alot of stuff happened in this chapter. Poor Yang gets captured and is now chained by a bunch of poachers who think that she killed their friend. Perhaps there may be a way to peacefully unravel this misunderstanding but I don't think Yang has enough patience or level-headedness (especially after all she's been through lately) to do that.
7383916 I'm sure we'll all forget about Donut until he shows up later on with plot critical information. I'm also sure he'll be lost in some deadly area, forgotten about, and then show back up as if nothing was wrong. It happened in the Brick Gulch Chronicles.
Wow, didn't know we found the Pony version of the Diamond Dogs.
Well, Culus is dead.
but it didn’t loose its rough edge
1. Lose.
7387331 It's not like Culus knows that Yang has Aura or a Semblance. Besides, does a Semblance work if your Aura doesn't?
7385975 I'll fix that!
7387421 Semblance is powered by Aura.
7390459 Has that been said? (That was a legit question, by the way. I wasn't trying to be cryptic.)
7390515
According to "Aura", the fourth installment of RWBY: World of Remnant, Semblance is a more tangible projection of one's Aura. Pyrrha Nikos implied this connection when she told Jaune Arc that the use of Aura can help him to discover his Semblance. Miles refers to Semblance being "fueled" by Aura.
Hope this helps.
7401753 That really does! I didn't know that. Find have to tweak a few things, but thanks for the clarification.
img04.deviantart.net/cdb5/i/2015/114/3/f/rvb_ponies__donut_by_soldierboycaboose-d5co2ma.png
7407591 Snerk
Well... yang is stuck in a bad situation and the other guy probably ran into a mercenary...
and yang is blamed for it....
wait...
oh i get it
Yeah... bullshit. Dude needs to die, painfully.
7383873
7384248
I began reading this story over 2 1/2 years ago. When I got to this chapter, it was such a huge dip in quality that I didn’t want to proceed further, without getting out my list of grievances. But then I graduated college. I got an internship, which evolved into a full job, and I fell away from FimFic and the pony fandom in general. The time I had for reading went to FanFiction.net (mostly Coeur Al’Aran’s stuff). I kept up with things here just by reading the post of authors and users I was following (you might recognize me from some comments on your posts). For a while I was reading more from blog posts that I was the actual Pony stories. But I’d like to think I’ve balanced out work and pleasure more harmoniously this year, and I’m reengaging the pony side of me (not that I ever stopped watching the show). Along with chipping at a huge “read later” list, I’m also whittling down old updated Favorites. Even though this is a crossover of two of my favorite shows, I’ve been putting it off because I want to live up to my promise of writing down all my criticisms for this chapter. And I knew it was going to be longer than anything I’d written in one sitting on this site for years. That and the awkward intro\explanation for why I’m lodging such a huge critique when the story has moved on since.
First off, this situation feels really strange off the bat just because of the idea of Pony poachers. Why are they Ponies, as opposed to for example, Griffons or Diamond Dogs? Equestria has it’s share problems and of dangers, for sure, but how in this society do a bunch of ponies take up a job that goes against every herbivore instinct they have? Even when regular pony characters go full criminal, like Trixie, Flim and Flam, Sunset, and Starlight, they never gravitate towards any job as gorey as chopping up animals. This is like being introduced to a bunch of Lothlorien elves who decided to strip mine their forest, and turned it into a factory farm for making glue out of deer hooves. It’s asking too much suspension too fast, and doesn’t gel with the setting. I’m thrown from the ride and I’m left thinking “this is obviously fanfiction.”
The second branch of why this scenario doesn’t work, getting past the odd motivations of our new antagonist and mooks, is just the logistics of their operation. I can buy that Everfree forest is the home of the particular species that they’ve found a buyer for. But why on earth would they set up operations so close to the headquarters of Equestria’s newest princess? Yang was able to run over for part of the way, get dragged unconscious the rest of the way, and the sun hasn’t even gone down yet. This would be another problem resolved if you had made this a group of griffons or diamond dogs. They would have a culture that facilitates hunting and killing. It would also make sense that they wouldn’t take the proximity of Twilight seriously. Finally, being able to fly or tunnel would make it easier to actually transport all these animal carcasses they’re hauling around; or at least help them run away from the law if they were discovered.
Thirdly, this poacher group seems like it’s staffed with morons. Coming to the conclusion that Yang killed Sunburst (along with their terrible location to set up shop) is dumb to the point of breaking the story. Shyamalan-earthbender dumb.
They make their living hunting rare animals through an undergrowth devoid of civilization, and yet they can’t actually identify what kind of creature killed Sunburst? They don’t know how to TRACK whatever killed Sunburst, and ascertain things like footprints, or what direction it left in? How do they know that Yang gauntlets could even be the murder weapon? It doesn’t even seem clear if they realize Yang’s the one who killed the Manticores, so are they comparing the wounds? That’s not information being given to me, the reader. I’m a hippy-dippy environmentalist liberal, who hates IRL poachers. But I still seem to credit their intelligence more than THIS seems to be doing. How is this group even slightly effective at their jobs if none of them can pick out tracks?
Getting into the specifics of an actual character, I’m not buying what Culus is ranting about at the end here. He’s talking about how they’re all a big family that watches out for each other. But during his internal monologue before he got to the tent with Yang, he seemed to spend more time thinking about how to make back a profit from the lost Manticores then he does mourning Sunburst. We are suddenly being told that he feels rage and sorrow at the thought of Sunburst, when previously he didn’t seem to attach any emotions that name.
7387421
7401753
7390459
All true. But even if the force field is down, I would think that some aura would still be around until you're dead, since it comes from the soul. So when your specialty is taking in power from pain... Culus thinks he's in a position of power, but I think that's about to be jarringly reversed.
9561215
Believe me, every single grievance you have, I have as well.
I'm pretty sure I've said this elsewhere, but pretty much all this story is, is an excuse to cover team RWBY in as much blood as possible, in a setting as bloodless as MLP. When I started this story, I was in a pretty deep depression and just wanted an outlet for my feelings. This was that outlet.
I didn't think too much about plot, or quality or anything. The story got so popular so fast, I felt like it needed to get some action fast. So the poachers were a quick excuse to give Yang an enemy.
I don't look back on Yang's arc fondly.