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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Is that 2 hours from spongebob?
6633534 yes, yes it is
Damn, gotta wait for next chapter xD.
U need a proof-reader, also... there are some error but I need to study so cant point them now.
6633567 haha nice
*plot intensifies*
6633753 thanks mate and also my phone auto corrected had to hand
Reading this on my PlayStation 4 is much more better than mobile.![:pinkiesmile:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/pinkiesmile.png)
6634303 This is awesome! When's the next chapter going to be up?![:pinkiehappy:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/pinkiehappy.png)
6634651 somewhere on the next week
6634670 Sweet!![:pinkiehappy:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/pinkiehappy.png)
6634678 haha just working on it right now
6640522 yea I am gonna go over these when my laptop is fixed
I will like him to do a one liner.![:twilightoops:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/twilightoops.png)
Such as well $h!t
6661194![:rainbowhuh:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/rainbowhuh.png)
.... How do you know?!
6663742 I'm a spy:moustachelol
6663987 oh my god![:pinkiegasp:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/pinkiegasp.png)
I'm uh... I'm just gonna put this on "read later" 'til you get an Editor.
Also, you may want to break up some of those run on sentences. They kinda make it hard to follow the story...
problems aside this is nice
It's certainly an interesting power. To be able to simply look a lady's breasts and know her cup size instantly. D'oh well.
Why I generally hate Rarity.
Then there was her slapping him, which is assault. It would by like if a Japanese kid called me nigger (sounds like their uuuummmm). Me punching him in the face is a shit thing to do.
TL;DR
RARITY IS A BITCH.
that was another awesome funny read.![:rainbowkiss:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/rainbowkiss.png)
![:rainbowlaugh:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/rainbowlaugh.png)
You really need periods. Here's some base advice. Read your story out loud to yourself. If you find yourself needing to breathe, that means you need punctuation.
Jesus fucking Christ, do you not read what you write? I feel like I'm reading a brain shit.
Well....I've read worse things with no editor
6942125 to be fair, he's using a phone so that's probably why it came out like this.
Jesus Christ get yourself an editor and a computer cause doing it on the phone sucks.
i was waiting for him to grab rarity's arm and be like "slap me one more fucking time! See what the fuck happens!"
Rarity deserves a right good slap or two, just because he can speak the same language doesn't mean that their definitions are completly the same.
Also when I asked myself why she off all ponies got offended, I realized that maybe it's because it does describe her in a way and thought that she being called out silently.
and to top off this exceptional onslught
After hearing sunbutt say that...
Motherfucker... Welp better give up hope on getting laid!
(Internally crying)
before I read this chapter I was like hey the first chapter needs work but the second cant be that bad can it?
no here is me after reading this chapter
I am in no way trying to ridicule you all I ask is that you get yourself a editor and I have one in mind if you are interested
send me a pm!
The grammar is that of an eight-year-old. I'm not going to read this.
Dude why the fuck is your character not asking questions or anything?
Why does everyone who writes an anthro story make the characters have ridiculously large breast sizes? Big boobs aren't all that great, and what the fuck are you gonna do with them anyway?
You need an editor.
7278447
To be fair, there's a reason why most people don't do their composition on a telephone.
This is terrible writing.
You gonna go over the writing again at some point? It needs improvement
8441843
Yea, when i have time, i redid the first chapter of this and Helljumper
spongebob
I thought it was british mate![:applejackconfused:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/applejackconfused.png)