Chapter 1: well, we're f**ked

Reach, once the crown jewel of the UNSC. Now wasteland of death and loss. No one was spared, the UNSC did all they could, they sent thousands of troops, and tons of spartan's.

But they still lost, the UNSC got Cortana out of that and eventually made peace with what is now a sub section of the Covenant.

Shortly after the fall of Reach, two Spartan's still stood, spartan 001 the first spartan to come out of the project. And spartan 003, the third one out. Their file reads K.I.A, but as you all know, spartan's never die, they're just M.I.A.

It has been 2 weeks since the Pillar of Autumn left. They were stuck in one of the only buildings left standing in New Alexandria.

Spartan 001 also known as Haily, was about 6 foot 3 and she is the shortest spartan out there, she loves to use the shotgun and magnum pair, her armor is HAZOP This is the armor. Her main color is gold with a second color of black.

Now Spartan 003 also known as Fido, he was about 9 foot 8, the tallest and strongest spartan out there. His favorite guns are a turret, rocket launcher, and for his melee, an energy sword, his armor is Grenadier class(This is the armor). His main color is black with a second color of orange.

They're not in the city, but they are in what was once a suburban neighborhood, they were taking shelter in a blown up house, it was a dump, almost nothing except dust and a couple nick nacks were left.

Fido was laying back on what was left of a cloth chair, it was red with one arm rest missing, Haily was looking through a window with her pistol at the ready.

"You know, if this is all the normal people do, then I would be a really good civilian," said Fido,

Haily looked at his and replied, "Hmm, a lot of them are fat, much like you." She smiled under her helmet.

He sat up and said, "Hey! Your, um, I wish I was better with come back lines." She snickered and looked out the window again.

After a minute she got up and walked to their massive weapon collection, I mean it has all the UNSC guns and a few Covenant guns in there too, there was even 1000 rounds for Fido's turret. They were already all loaded up with everything that their armor could carry, but she liked to sit next to it. Fido got up and started to make his was to the window, what happened next is something weird.

Out of nowhere for them came a bright flash of light from what was left of the kitchen.

Fido asked, "Um Haily? tell me that was that you."

She replied, "No, but what ever it probably attracted a bunch of covies to our location,"

They grabbed their guns and stood behind what was left of a door frame, the door would lead into what was a kitchen. Fido used his fingers to count down from three, when all his fingers lowered they breached, what they saw would shock most people. But they aren't most people.

It was a blue vortex which looked very inviting.

"What is it Haily?" Asked Fido.

"I think it's a portal? But that's a guess, do you think we should go in?"

Fido looked at her and replied, "I think it's our best chance to survive this, if we don't the Covenant will find and kill us, it's only a matter of time. If we go through it could save our lives, or kill us the second we go through."

She thought for a minute, "I'm a gambler, let's go. Also what are the chances something will go wr-" Fido bonked the top of her helmet and said.

"Don't say that, bad things happen when people say that! Trust me,"

She looked at him and replied, "I guess you're right on that one."

They walked right up to the portal, "See you on the other side sis," said Fido, she snickered a bit and they entered the portal.

Equestria:

When they exited the portal they were is some kind of throne room, it was made out of marble, or quarts. At the throne sat two ponies with flowing hair, one was white and big, a slightly smaller pony with dark blue fur sat at her side.

Fido aimed his turret at them, making the guards pointed their spears at the two spartan's, Haily yelled, "Fido down! They didn't attack us immediately we should see if they are friendlies or enemies first, then judge if we should kill them!"

Fido looked at her and lowered the big a*s gun, "I'm so sorry my big brother is a shoot first ask questions later kind of... well whatever he is."

He looked at he with a very cross look under his helmet.

"Now do you two understand us?" The Princesses stood up and walked down to the red carpet, they got on even ground with them, the white one replied.

"We understand you, I'm Princess Celestia, this is my sister Luna," she waved, "We mean you no harm at the moment."

Haily looked at Fido and said, "I'm glad, my name is UNSC spartan 001, but you can call me Haily, this big lug over here is spartan 003, or Fido if you prefer.

We came here through this portal, we don't know how it got there, but for now it saved our a*s'es."

Princess Luna asked, "What are you two running from?"

Fido walked up and replied, "The Covenant," the Princesses looked at each other,

Celestia replied, "Wait, the Covenant? I thought they were only here?" Fido almost dropped his gun when he heard that.

Haily started to shout, "Aw damn it! I thought we got away! Son of a b***h, this f**king sucks, I just wanna, ergh. F**k!" Fido put his hand on Haily's shoulder, calming her down. "Why is the covenant here?"

Luna replied, "They came in one of their ships and proclaimed war on us, they've already entered orbit and are about to destroy us."

Haily lifted up her head and said, "The Covenant proclaimed HOLY war on my species too, we have a saying where we come from.

The enemy of my enemy is my friend, if you all won't kill or harm us, then we can help you out."

Celestia replied, "We could use all the help we can get, that is why I opened the portal, but might I ask how you two can stop them, one of their warriors killed 40 of my guard before he was killed."

Haily told them everything about the spartan project and what came out of it, and told them that not very many spartan's survived Reach, their story, and the fact that they can live up to 100 years easily, if the Covies weren't there that is.

"Ironically I'm the smallest spartan out there while Fido is the tallest and strongest spartan, funny how genetics work." He was sitting with his back to one of the columns with his arm around princess Luna, "Hey a*shole! Flirt on your own time!"

He stood up and walk to her side again. Celestia's was pretty surprised to hear all of that, all Celestia could say was, "Okay, lets see how you both are in battle, the Covenant have taken Pinkie Pie's rock farm, your mission is to take it back."

Haily and Fido saluted Celestia, "um, who the f**k Pinkie Pie?" Asked Fido.

2 hours of explanation later:

Fido and Haily were just staring at the Princesses, "And that is most of how we got here and recent history." finished Celestia.

"Okay wow, Fido lets get on the job! Wait, how are we going to get there?"

Luna walked up, "I could teleport you two there, we already have guards there ready to help and to watch."

Fido replied, "Do it, it's faster then walking there I bet," Luna's horn glowed and poof, the spartan's disappeared.

At the Rock farm:

There was a small outpost with about 10 royal guards in it, one of them was Shining Armor, out of nowhere behind Shining Armor came the two spartan's, all of the guards pointed their spears to the spartan's.

"How did you Covenant get here!?" Yelled Shining.

Haily replied, "Um, Princess Celestia sent us," he looked at her with a really face, "It's true! she I-"

In front of Shining popped a letter from Celestia. After a minute of reading he said, "Let them go, they're telling the truth, I JUST got it!"

The guards lowered the spears and started to stare at the giant warriors, Haily asked, "How many f**kers are there?"

Shining replied, "We've seen about 10 of them there, 2 of the big ones and about 6 small things, 2 with shields."

Fido snickered a bit, "The big ones we like to call Elites, the small ones are grunts, and the shielded ones are Jackals, we have been at war with them for a LONG time, don't ask about the actual date." Said Fido.

"Okay, they haven't taken the pie family's mines yet, though if we hurry we should be able to save them."

Haily replied, "No, you all run to that giant rock formation to get a great seat, we will take care of these a*sholes, it's time to show these ponies what illegal military experimented soldiers can do."

A few minutes later the spartan's used some active camo and hid in the caves. "3, 2, 1, PUNCH!"

Shouted Fido, they charged out of the bright cave surprising 2 jackals and one of the elites, Haily hid behind a rock while Fido used his turret and with 3 seconds of firing all the covies were down for the count.

Haily reactivated her camo, and Fido started to run toward the house very sluggishly. On the way up he killed one grunt, Haily was climbing up the edge, when they got up an elite charged from the house with 5 grunts. Haily uncloaked and jumped over Fido firing at them, unloading the shotgun she lowered the elite's shields and killed 2 grunts, Fido fired his turret finishing them off.

They thought all the enemies died, but busting down the door of the pie family's house stomped a elite Zealot, he had an energy sword in one hand, a pony in the other, Fido remembered Celestia talking about the family before they left and showed the spartan a picture of them all, she was Marble Pie.

The elite growled, "Put down the guns and this pony won't die here!"

Haily dropped her shotgun, Fido dropped his turret, he decided to activate a hologram which charged the elite.

He didn't kill the pony, but dropped the pony and rolled to the side, Fido charged him like a rhino, he activated his energy sword and sliced the Zealot's head from it's body, rather gruesome if I do say so myself.

The body fell and the neck was spewing blood all over the ground, Igneous Rock and Cloudy Quarts ran outside and hugged Marble.

"Oh thank Celestia your alive, thank you thy creature of metal," said Igneous Rock.

Fido nodded at him and grabbed his turret from the the ground, Haily asked, "is everyone alive?"

Limestone Pie walked up and nervously asked, "w-we are, b-but wha-t-t are you two-o?"

Fido looked at Haily, "alright I'll do it," said Haily, she put up her shotgun and grabbed her helmet, it turned slightly and she pulled it off. Her face was perfect, not one bit wrong, her hair was bright gold, the eyes were green, and not one pimple. She said, "Ah, I never liked wearing this helmet, unlike my brother here, now you show your face."

He replied, "no."

He picked up his turret and started to walk away, Shining walked up with some guards to secure the area, "FREAK!" Said Haily.

"What are you doing?" Asked Shining,

Fido stopped in his tracks, "Call me a freak, one more time."

She smiled and said, "Take off the helmet freak!"

He quickly pulled off his helmet and charged Haily, his face was worse then a zombie, his left eye was gone and replaced by a robot eye, the other eye was blue and was bloodshot. His face was covered in scars, his nose was crooked from the number of times it was broken, his lips were chapped to hell, in general he looked like a freak.

He almost rammed into her though she dodged at the last second. But he did punched her in the chest which made her fall down, Fido stood up making the ponies jumped back a little when they got a real look at his face. "I never asked to be mutated."

He walked back to his helmet and growled at anypony who dared to look at him, once he put the helmet back on he picked up his turret and shouted, "3 PHANTOMS INCOMING!"

Haily looked up and he was right, there were 3 phantoms charging at that farm probably filled up with troops. Fido dropped the turret and pulled out his rocket launcher, "I got these b***hes sis!"

His rocket launcher locked onto the far right phantom and he fired the two rockets, in a matter of seconds the phantom was blown up killing all the Covenant in the holy flames.

He reloaded the launcher, quickly aiming it and fired the rockets blowing up the middle one.

The last phantom fired it's big canon at Fido, three big shots hit him. But thanks to his 4 overlay shields he barely felt it, he locked on and fired more rockets at the phantom blowing it up. "Ya, that was almost to easy."

Said Fido, "I agree, we should keep our eyes open."

Replied Haily, "and helmets!" Shouted Fido, she looked at him with a face of pure hatred.

"We need to get back to Canterlot in case they attack there," said Haily.

"Wait, they might come back, remember base Teu on Porpus?"

Under her helmet he could feel her sighing, "You're right, they probably will come back here, we should stay the night, got any good lookout points?"

Asked Haily. Limestone Pie replied, "I know all the good places for lookouts, just stay off holder's boulder!"

Haily walked up to her as this big metal beast twice her size, "Or what?"

She asked, Limestone replied, "Um, I guess you can touch it."

Fido put his hand on her shoulder and softly said, "Ask about dinner, I haven't ate anything for a week, you had the last meal bar 3 days ago, I am starving!"

She walked to Igneous Rock and asked, "My brother wanted to ask, is there dinner because he hasn't ate anything for a week, big baby."

She heard him shout, "Hey! I have super hearing you know!"

She snickered a bit, Igneous Rock replied, "You have saved my family, we would be honored to bare you both a meal and a place to rest,"

Haily replied, "thank you."

Author's Note:

Constructive criticism is welcomed here, it would really help my writing. And yes I know this story's grammar is horrible, I fixed all I could.

There will be a second chapter coming out soon so bookmark this story if you're getting interested.

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Scorch215

Scorch215 #1 · Aug 8th, 2016 · · ·

I need to ask due to the description, it this perhaps a comady/parody fic?

Seven Fates

Seven Fates #2 · Aug 8th, 2016 · 3 · ·

This story won't be finished unless this story gets popular, this is just something I wrote a long time ago and that I feel is alright to post.

Never a good way to decide whether to continue to write a story, mate. You're simply setting a story up for cancellation from the start. See, there are a great number of Halo/MLP crossovers already present on FIMFiction, and most of the ones that seem to get abandoned are the ones where the author's super cool 'totally-not-inserts-for-me-and-my-friend' Spartans, most often from the very limited number of unnamed Spartan-IIs, who somehow avoid the Fall of Reach, save the ponies from the evil Covenant. Often enough, these stories will be downvoted far more frequently than they are upvoted. This will inevitably be one such story.

Right out the gate, I see a major conflict with the Halo lore as I remembered when I stopped playing the games. You stated that 001 and 003 are listed as KIA in their files, which contradicts the morale-based edict to list them as MIA that was present during that period of the Human-Covenant conflict. I get what you were going for, but it was so poorly implemented that the meaning changed entirely.

The next problem is the writing itself. On top of very bland wording choices and lacking any major descriptions, you seem to have a very difficult time deciding on what tense you are using. There are only a few case-specific instances where it is acceptable to change word tense from past to present, or vice versa, in the general progression of a paragraph, and none of the prerequisite conditions are present.

After that comes the issue of comma splicing/run-on sentences. Let's look at this paragraph.

Spartan 001 also known as Haily, was about 6 foot 3 and she is the shortest spartan out there, she loves to use the shotgun and magnum pair, her armor is HAZOP This is the armor. Her main color is gold with a second color of black.

In addition to also showcasing the word tense issues, it is also a prime example of a run-on sentence. The first sentence alone can be broken up into no less than four individual subjects and predicates that can stand as individual sentences.

As it stands, this brings me to the next problem. Only five/six paragraphs in, and you've given basically a complete physical description of both of the main characters before they've even shown a single ounce of character. This is a very common failing of young authors, and is an example of telling, rather than showing.

Characterization seems pretty off for highly disciplined, indoctrinated-since-childhood supersoldiers, as well. They don't really seem all that mature at all, and even in the aftermath of Reach, don't at all reflect their training very well. It's almost like you watched Red vs. Blue and confused the interactions between the Red and Blue simulation troopers for what canon Spartans were like.

Seriously, a mysterious blue vortex phenomena appears in the kitchen of their blown-out shelter, and they just assume that it is some sort of portal? Given the color of the plasma the Covenant troops, vehicles, and starcraft hurl at them on a pretty regular basis, I'm genuinely surprised they assume it's a portal and not some yet-undocumented Covenant weapon. That they would go through without more prompting is rather silly. If Covenant troops converged on their position and they were forced through under a hail of plasma, it'd be a bit less silly.

AzureShark

AzureShark #3 · Aug 8th, 2016 · · ·

2 Errors already :P

Reach, once the crown jewel of the UNSC. Now wasteland of death and loss. No one was spared, the UNSC did all they could, they sent thousands of troops, and tons of spartan's.

Needs to be:

Reach, once the crown jewel of the U.N.S.C., now a wasteland of death and loss. No one was spared, the U.N.S.C. did all they could, they sent thousands of troops, and tons of Spartans.

Shortly after the fall of Reach, two Spartan's still stood, spartan 001 the first spartan to come out of the project. And spartan 003, the third one out. Their file reads K.I.A, but as you all know, spartan's never die, they're just M.I.A.

Needs to be:

Shortly after the fall of Reach, two Spartans still stood, spartan 001 the first spartan to come out of the project, as well as spartan 003, the third one out. Their file reads M.I.A., since as you know, Spartans never die.

So far liking the story, but there are some errors.

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