.Everypony loves pets, and in equestria there our all kinds a pets. Everything from bears to phoenixes, humans being one of the most popular, even if they’re not the most intelligent creature out there.
So what happens when a human is found that is not only smart, but a highly trained martial artist?
For this young man, being sent to a new world with nothing but his mind and fist, has went from sunshine and colorful ponies, to a battle for his life. Can he find out what to do before the overly cuddly ponies find him?
Based in the Your Human and You-universe by MadMaxtheBlack.
Chapters (5)
Props to another writer trying to bring martial arts to the ponies :)
A bit of proof reading and spell checks would really help your story.
Otherwise it is a fair first chapter, good job!
Well, other than a mass of errors, not bad I'll give this a few more chapters and see where this goes.
I love this story.
tienes una buena historia aquí
continua por favor
i'll start reading this when the spelling errors go away. Unfortunate because I actually want to read a YHaY that has a competent fighter as a protagonist.
A lot of errors would be fixed with a spell checker like he kept calling bats demands instead of demons
4884051 I know how you feel, doing martial arts on a regular basis myself I always find myself yelling fighting commands at the protagonist. Sadly they usually don't hear me, I wonder why...
I'll just leave it until there are a few more chapters and see if it's better then. The ideas are good; the writing is slightly lacking in comparison (e.g.SPaG, unclear plot at some points and ineffective phrasing - sorry that I can't leave a actual compilation of everything, I'm on my tablet so it's kind of awkward to). Now it's time to play the waiting game and see if advice/criticism is followed and the story is continued...
Sorry about the spelling everyone! As you can guess its not my special talent
but hopefully this helps out.
But I just got some software that I think will help out with that (because sometime i durp it up to much for word)
Thanks for letting me know what you think everyone! It helps out a lot!
4884051 A sad state of affairs indeed.
This is the revised version? Wow. Here's all of the stuff that stands out to me (plus a little joke):
Did you mean for the character to say this or think this? You could be more clear by either italicizing "Why is it so bloody hot today?" for it to be a thought or by adding 'I say/said'.
I could be wrong, but I believe this should have an apostrophe.
straight
since
straight
cold, damp
roll
to
Unnecessary comma
Unnecessary comma
stalks
incredible! They looked like little aliens, and
break
fell, ceiling
Finally
straight
wrapping, throwing
Also, when our unnamed character thinks to himself, you should probably italicize it. It just makes things less confusing.
This story seems pretty interesting, but even after being revised there still plenty mistakes and they are a bit distracting.
lets see where this goes and i might give a favorite.
I realize the author commented that he is going to use a program to spell check to correct a lot of the mistakes, but sometimes they miss things because they are words spelled correctly, but not the right word, or they will try to correct things that are already correct. So just in case, here's a list of things that stand out to me:
The first two commas are unnecessary, who/whom (I think whom is technically correct, but I don't think too many people would care if you used who)
a short, rusty-red
second, it's
Just
ain't, comma should be a period
comma should be a period
More of a suggestion: "What!?"
venom
pegasi, were
asked Nickel, throwing
In a store name, each word should be capitalized, especially "Flank".
comma should be period, 'There's'
were
Oh, with
First comma is unnecessary, second comma should be a period.
If her name isn't 'Blushing Nickel', then there should be a comma there. Also, 'Oh', 'splayed'.
Nickel
Deeper
Cage's
Nickel's
Unnecessary comma. Unnecessary period. 'as'
numb
'
half
straight
breaking
straight
beasts
wild
Nickel's, exclamation mark after 'him'
He's
Lots of errors this chapter.
I think I cried for a week strait
is that when you can't think strait
straight
I bet they will even brake out
break
..... What the buck have him vivisected
I love his reaction!!!!!
... Whelp, time to put that training to good use.
4903426
Vivasection is Dissection while something is alive, I think you mean Vasectomy. Castration and Vasectomy are two different things, while vasectomy is reversable, castration is the complete removal of the testies. This is done to male animals to diminish testosterone production, if you don't have balls the body doesn't waste effort producing reproduction hormones. Not a good thing for a guard animal, generally you want an aggressive male seeking to protect its territory from unknown intruders. Though between Castration and Vivasection maybe the latter would be better :P
Oh man I hope Nickel steals him away before that or he gets the hell out of Stomp.
I loved the episode
until I get to the word castrated 
Oh, Bóxer is going to be in so much trouble with Glory.
D'OH! DATS A NONO WORD WITH MALES!
Auch,
in truth they are going to do to him?
show them why trying that will get u f*ucked up.
okay so lets hope he stops that castration thing.
also lets hope he turns that chick into a living onahole then burns the dad alive.
Well sh
t just got real.
Oooo nice, so now that hes branded as Property of the state he cannot be claimed so easily. Nice play, nice play. I feel sorry for Nickel, though I think she had designs on him not unlike the little filly, but alas he may never see them again. Im guessing the river is going to carry him to Ponyville since its naturally downstream from Canterlot. Looking forward to more
No one touches mah junk but me!! Proceeds to kick flank and chew bubble gum. I'm all out bubble gum. Dramatic escape for my ballz!!
well, that went as to be expected.
I need an adult.
I am an adult
Great story! I require more of this delectable sustenance to survive!
Awesome story and set up! I'm really looking forward to more!
Why is angel eating gems?
It's carrots
Nickel and Cage? I'm not sure you've just did it on purpose to make "Nicholas Cage".
i've been awake for about 14 hours so sorry if this seems curt and i'll admit i skimmed this story in preparation for sleep, but when you have a burn of any severity the most important thing you do is not apply anything cold to it least of all water. this being that the rapid temperature change in your body causes your body to seize up and go into shock. as i said though i'm not all here right now so i may have missed some context but the whole landing in the river thing gave me a sense of disbelieve. i would like to close this by saying that aside from that i genuinely enjoy this story and that the previous statement is definitely not a deal breaker.
4984185 thanks for pointing that one
4984372 you are right about people going into shock when that happens. I did have him go into convulsions and pass out because of it. but as I think about it I probably could have mad that more clear.
Nice chapter.
Well you did almost kill it's rabbit.
Also, I read whatmustido too much because that serpent
Giving it a like before i even read it. I love its concept; i just hope it delivers.
Ok, so far my only problem was the misspelling of words here and there - i'm not even going to bother pointing them out, just know its more than 4 (more or less). Not much yet to comment on but so far i like it.
4984254 lol, if he did then that's just fucking hilarious
interesting. Zecora's going to blow a gasket, as will Senor Serpent[<-- supposed to be spanish]. cant wait for more.
4984613
.
no, no. as i said i skimmed and was running on fumes at the time. i'm much more alert now and having re-read the story i see where he went into the convulsions your speaking of. i definitely see how i misread the ambiguity of his black out though, nothing a quick clean up can't cure. thanks for responding and here's to yet another human getting the absolute S*** kicked outta him
4984254 lol I was wondering how long it would take someone to pick up on that.
Haha, Steven Magnet yes!! I kinda hope he pops up again, he is rarely written.
Eat the bunny.
So is he on the Pie Family Rock Farm?
Oh gods no. Abandon ship! Every wang for himself!!!
updates?
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