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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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nice job :D
6583559 Thanks hope you'll continue to enjoy the story as it goes on.
6583577 I sure will!
Rule #1: Never mention brands. They severely limit your story's longevity. (On a related note, mentioning the sound of typewriter keys is the only part of Neuromancer that William Gibson regrets.)
How about describing it as a "ruggedized touchscreen device" rather than saying it's a sturdier, more powerful iPad?
Unless the bug looks like Ringo Starr's evil twin, it's "Beetle".
Also, there are various spots where your punctuation needs work but I'm so sick of fighting with this fimfic "Can't post comments" bug that I don't have the motivation to note them all down.
6724717 Had that bug for a while. You might have an adblocker or anti tracker that is interfering with cookies on the site. I am using an up to date firefox on win 7 and android. I do not know if that will help but it could not hurt.
For the story, good start. Grammar is decent enough that I do not notice anything. Exposition is balanced right (Although I am not that good of judge since I like it at long as it does not break immersion).
6724717 Damn, I fixed the beetle thing my spellchecker missed that.
I will avoid most company names but some I feel will never die such as Disney as I can see only the apocalypse ending that plus I needed something that the readers could use as a base to get what I was going for.
Aight, I like this story. I've seen the idea pretty often but I still like these premises a whole lot.
Buuuut ... please get someone to help polish it? A lot of awkward phrasing, run-on sentences and general shenanigans are really detracting from the story. Someone else mentioned the iPad/company name thing and I agree wholeheartedly with that statement. Please, please run this through an editor and take into account their suggestions. You have a pretty nice thing going here but I'm having a hard time focusing on the content over the issues. Please. If you want, I can show some examples of what I mean. I can't be an editor but there are groups for that sort of thing.
Reminds me of Arrow 18, but to be honest the current quality is lacking.
Many of your sentences are repetitive, and most of your phrasing feels... awkward. But I do like the premise so far. I hope your quality has improved, and I can recommend one strategy I use personally if you are interested.
Read your work out loud to yourself, and listen to see if it sounds like something someone would normally say. It works well for dialogue as well as narration, but it is not a perfect system. Just thought I'd share.
Quantum entanglement is a faster than light communication.
Does a Sun orbiting a planet count?
I enjoyed Arrow 18 back in the day, and it's nice to see someone else writing a space-exploration fic too. I'm liking it so far; let's see where this goes.
7441529
To discord, no. To us...
HELL YEAH!
Actually the term "PADD" could also be a Star Trek reference, though there it's an acronym for "Personal Access Display Device" (the story lists the device as a "Personal Access Data Device"). As for the name of the device itself, in the future of the story "iPADD" could have become a generic term for such devices over the centuries, just like kleenex, frisbee, and Band-Aid. Here's a listing of such terms in Wikipedia.
Here's the PADD article straight from Memory Alpha.
Other than that, this story does remind me of Arrow 18, but as imitation can be a sincere form of flattery, it shows just how good the original story was! Looking forward to more!
6583577
Wow. How did this fly under my radar for so long? Sci-fi first contact stories are more or less my wheelhouse where HiE is concerned. (Followed by anything that isn't Equestria is Heaven, or Brony in Equestria.) This is skipping my Read Later pile entirely.
*Moves on to chapter 2*
you have piqued my interest with this. onwards now to chapter 2
Mass Effect: Andromeda anyone?
What a classic!
going through my...4th read through of this now. simply love this story, on wards and upwards eh
Kamala Kahn
I just caught this, you used Ms. Marvel. I think the other name dropped in the same chapter is a Spider-Man side character.
... well, pray tell Twilight, where did those 'horrible' tentacles point and touch your body? Here, you may tell me with the help of this small pony plushy.
Was it perhaps somewhere at your... rear?
Don't worry, I'm certain that I have just the right tea for that kind of nightmare.
But before that, do tell, how large were they exactly and did they- oh pardon me- would they have fit?
This is all for scientific research I assure you.
I like this.
No really the start was very interesting and Im wondering how far this will go, like a single human or eventually a merging of human/pony. Regardless time to marathon this then cry when I catch up.
the TARDIS System.Yes doctor who is amazing
i laughed my butt off hell bug great so far
哈哈哈