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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Not bad. A premise I've seen before, but that doesn't mean you can't bring something new to the table. The only thing that bugs me so far is that you're explaining more than showing for the background info. I admit having the knowledge helps, perhaps using flashbacks would help?
Definitely faved and followed. I'd like to see where you're going with this.
6685588 Yeah don't worry most of that was just in the first two chapters I know it was a lot but there's like a lot to cover in order to get a feel for the world. There is still a lot to cover but that should come in smaller parts as he explains human society, you know once the language barrier is passed. Now we'll get more of the actual meat of the story I hope.
As for bringing something new I got a few ideas in store.
i dont know much about star systems but 1 sun, 1 planet, and 1 moon does not sound like to weird a ratio atleast not enough of one to get the reaction of our protagonist. if it had focused more on the size ratios compared to each other then i would give it to you but that is a nit pic and likely not that interesting a read. still a nice well written piece so far hopefully we will get some character interactions and plot next chapter.
6688531 I looked it up and the smallest system we know of has at least 3 planets so that's what I was basing it on. That until that moment we haven't found a system with only one planet. Anyways yeah we'll start getting into the interactions, they might be a bit slow at first as they figure each other out but over time you'll see more and more interaction and plot being revealed.
Just a nick pick but our current spy satellites can read the newspaper if it is left out very easily. Heck during the Cuban Missal Crisis they could read the headline from a newspaper with a photo taken from a U2. The fact he could not get clear pictures is some what odd. Still a great story you have here and onto the next chapter!
Plenty of weird transitions and spelling errors, some parts where it appears the rough draft survived through editing. Recommend an editor, proofreader or using the technique 7290181 recommended . This paragraph was just the one that made me go "Wait, what?" and reread it a few times. Cool story though, needs polish
This explorer is losing his mind over an anomaly, this is not someone who should be " Boldly going where no one has gone before. "
Afterwards he did his level best to erase this from the ship's blackbox o it wouldn't end in the history books.
He is taking things well...
Well, this is fascinating.
I didn't see it so much in the first chapter like others were complaining but now I am: run-on sentences. Also this guy is more than a tad unprofessional. I get the excitement over discovering new life, but still.
An editor would do your story a lot of help. I want to read this, I really do...but it needs to be...debugged if you will. The system works but it could use some tweaking as they say.
Until then I'll just wait, premise is neat though so there is that.
you'd think he'd send a probe immediately to earth gov to get the best people involved.
but then there'd be no adventure...