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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Love the story more please
Ps it's in my favorite
Look up the Vasimir rocket being built and tested by the Ad Astra rocket company. Plasma rockets have a lot more power than the ion engine. Of course the space ship he is in has a fusion reactor so it would trump the plasma rocket in power and would be simpler to just build a shunt from the reactor to provide thrust than to build a completely separate propulsion system.
6725122 I didn't know they were making a plasma based one, I did hear of ion engines so that's why I used it but thanks for that maybe I can use that in something else.
Hey there, I love the story so far. Pacing feels just right, not too fast and not too slow. The language barrier is a nice touch, curious to see if it will play a role in the story. Also I'm anxious about the mature rating, I hope it's for 'love' and not 'violence'.
6762190 Mainly the M is just for the language but maybe I can fit something in but don't expect too much of that. Thanks for the pacing comment that's something I try to work on I hate it when things get drawn out too much or really rushed through so I try and make a balance in there.
Very nice, a few grammar errors but nothing major.
Just a heads up:
Wouldn't it be "Didn't get to be a heavy sleeper" or "did get to be a light sleeper"?
Wow, I've never seen a tree kneel down before. I guess he really IS on an alien world!
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII like this story, you deserve a yay.
Ok, I'm starting the third chapter. Had to comment.
So far, the story elements are interesting. The author does know how to spin a yarn! This'll get a like for that alone.
However, this is really suffering from the lack of an editing pass. There are run on sentences, sentence fragments, and comma splices galore. Clean those up and the narrative will flow much better, without the jarring halts to decipher the errors.
One nitpicky tidbit about the content itself: sci-fi does rely heavily on the sci part of the genre, and basic science errors can torpedo a story. Most fiction requires research. Sci-fi requires more of it!
There are two examples leaping to mind so far.
First, the idea that 8 ships are going to explore the whole galaxy (it explicitly states the 8 Pathfinders are each assigned an eighth of the galaxy) in anything resembling the lifetime of a human civilization is just so...oh I see. It's adorable. Like ponies. Okay then! But play Elite Dangerous sometime to get a feel for how big the Milky Way is; 400 billion star systems to explore!
Second, the whole "gradual return of gravity" thing at the start of this chapter: in orbit, you are in free fall—aka zero G. Technically, there is gravity, it just has you falling in a circle around the planet due your to having accelerated to orbital velocity prior to ceasing acceleration. To leave orbit, you have to apply deceleration.
This will have an immediate effect. So long as you are decelerating, you will feel G forces matching the rate of deceleration (hence why they started measuring acceleration/deceleration in G forces). You can use a short burst to leave orbit, but unless you keep decelerating, you are doomed to die a fiery death once you dive into the atmosphere. Reentry is constant deceleration, striving to get down to a speed that will, first, not burn you up, and then second, allow you to come to a relatively gentle landing (no hot pancakes on reentry day for me, thank you!) and you will be feeling those Gs constantly and immediately. If anything, it's gonna be a rocky, bumpy, freaky ride as air currents and pressure fronts affect deceleration and cause spikes in felt G forces.
Absent magical handwavium like "inertial dampeners" or other artificial gravity systems, anyway.
I want to like the story, because I like the setup and concept. I just can’t get past the grammatical errors and the abrupt shifts in perspective between characters.
7868136
Couldn't have said it better myself
Another one: the ion drive doesn’t work in atmosphere (for reference just look up the wikipedia article). So while it is great as space craft propulsion, at least from our not-23rd-century point of view, it makes no sense for a planetary landing craft.
Anyhow, the story is great so far. Unfortunately things like this, plus the aforementioned grammatical errors, run-on sentences and the occasional logical issue make it kinda hard to follow.
Omg them samus moves
You know - you make it sound as if there was thought put into this, but that little bit just convinces me you didn't put enough thought into it.
What if they're not as vulnerable to the high-pressure emissions of a flashbang? At best, it could be entirely ineffective. At worst... they could be deadly. Fact is, the protagonist doesn't know nearly enough at this point to make anything beyond educated guesses. I would limit myself entirely to long-range recon, perhaps an atmo analyzer or two in strategic locations... and that's it. Cloaking tech - yes, much appreciated. No weapons, though - or, rather, strictly defensive, and that against animals. The point being: I'd never put myself in a situation where "coming close to the locals" would even be a remote possibility, if I could help it.
Having weapons with you makes you want to use them, makes you more comfortable with their use. If you don't, you get creative and don't take unnecessary risks, meaning everybody lives and your cover is intact, at the end of the day.
And it strikes me as odd that no protocols were made for contact with less-advanced civilizations. There should really be a protocol in place for that, and most of it should probably read "Don't." or something. That's one thing I always admired Star Trek for - the protocol of zero influence on pre-warp civilizations (at least in spirit, seeing as it was broken every other episode). In my opinion, the fact that he was down planet-side in the first place is a glaring issue.
I mean, think about it. It's the whole "sex with kids" issue - the reason you're not legally allowed to is, in many ways, because they can't defend against you: you're stronger, smarter, wiser, think faster, this situation isn't new to you, and you have authority that goes along with being "an adult". Same problem here: space guns, tactics, recon gear, optical camouflage, spaceships? There's no fucking way these peoples can protect themselves from whatever you're bringing - the situation is just asking for them to be exploited before they're even aware of what's happening to them. There's so much potential for abuse here, it's downright creepy.
What are they going to do? Chase you out of town? How do you pursue a criminal that can leave the goddamn planet and rain hailfire from the sky, huh?! To a non-space-faring race, any space-faring alien visitor is automatically in a position of control and authority. The only authority that can keep them in line... is their own. Charters. Laws. Consequences.
A number of scientists - Stephen Hawking included - have expressed the belief that we should fear first-contact coming to our doorstep. Why? Precisely because of these reasons - and the fact that, much like us, the aliens are probably driven to explore due to necessity, not curiosity. Curiosity doesn't get budgets, it turns out, not unless there's an advantage to be gained (military might, prestige, whatever). It's very probable that any aliens we meet will want something we have - water, vegetation, oil, oxygen, whatever - and we will be powerless to stop them should they (likely) decide to take it from us. And yes, there have been sci-fi movies where these aliens do show up, and we fight to eventually beat them - yeah, cheerio! Have you noticed how in pretty much all of them, the Earth's population is reduced by a few orders of magnitude? Let's say you survive? Great. Odds are, everyone else you know dies. Happy thoughts.