- Member Since 9th Jan, 2012
- offline last seen Jan 31st, 2018
PseudoFiction
Okay, now I know the empty bottle of whiskey on my desk 'looks' bad, but there's a perfectly sober explanation.
PseudoFiction
Joined 9th Jan, 2012 ·
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OK, this seems like an interesting story as it gives me a Call of Duty feel. I also liked Twilight and Dutch's interaction. Hope to see more of this story.
I would make a Micheal Bay joke right now but this is actually pretty good.
The biggest flaw in this story, that the nit-picker in me sees, is the numbers. In the original Fall the Caribou were refugees from a small country that had collapsed, for whatever reason. They only took over Equestria due to a few magical plot devices acting as number magnifiers.
Earth is an even more extreme example. you have an entire world, seven billion people, and the Caribou had to have time to get a toe-hold. The numbers simply don't work. It's like that Red Dawn movie where North Korea invades the US.
However, the very nature of this story being a cross-universe concept offers a solution. These Caribou did not come from a different country in the world where Equestria exists. they came from a different home dimension where they are the dominate species. That gives them the numbers to pull this off. Plus if you think that portal points have to equate to a similar geographic location, it explains why they can portal to every corner of the globe.
You still have to explain how the Caribou managed to get a foot hold My suggestion. they could offer the elite of earth, the one percent to use a tired political saying, something they value far more than the welfare of the plebs under them.
One obvious thing is dimensional travel. Multi-earth means that potentially they could all become little mini-despots with their own huge territories to lord over. But something simpler might be a magical spell that boosts regeneration and lifespans. Tell an eighty year old senator you can give him the body of a forty year old, and another hundred years of life, and he'll turn his own granddaughters over to you.
I'll be interested in where you take this.
I'll give this a thumbs up because it's well written and presented, and to counter the jerks who down vote based purely on the tags and the fact it is a Fall based story.
6468045 All good points.
My problems was not so much with them taking over, as it was in maintaining any sort of presence if a few thousand Caribou had to run the planet. Clearly they have enough canon fodder to have unarmored drones, so to speak, for the soldiers to slice and dice before they come up against well armored real soldiers.
I just suggested a possible plot idea that would bulk up the Caribou numbers with no real difficulty.
in the original all the people involved were from one single world. But here we have at least two worlds. No such a far fetched idea to think that the Caribou then came from a third world.
And I like the idea that in addition to the corruption spell, they might have willing quislings among the people in power because of what they can offer them with magic.
I tried to suggest ideas that would enhance the world building. I was not suggesting that if he did not use them the story would suck.
6467707
That and the horrible characterization, blatant Idiot-ball deployment, and Mary Sue-ness.
Hey PseudoFiction, don't let these people discourage you from writing. Some are trying to give you advice to improve your story or are being total jerks. I can't tell who's being which one or not, but I'm not trying to point fingers or anything, but I will say keep on writing. I've been around the fandom since nearly the start when it started almost, and I emphasized the word "almost," all the stories I've read were all the same. Same plot, same way to enter Equestria, same romance (with a few exceptions), identical characters (again with a few exceptions), just the same everything. I got repetitive and boring, until some people like you who take old ideas and changes them give new meaning. Your kinds of stories in my opinion are lot better than the copy and paste stories. I'll give some credit for the ideas, but I prefer different stories with new ideas or stories with the old ideas but with a new and better twist.
Sure I will except people to counter-argue my statement, but that's what I see. So keep on writing listen to your readers criticism it will help you improve your story. So to end this keep on writing and never give up! I know I haven't. Good luck and this story is one to keep on going.
6468934 Do you even criticism?
Whrere is luna?
I like it. I don't see even half of humanity not going down without a fight and I doubt the Caribou would easily transition to a whole higher tech level without a whole lot of problems but very well written. Look forward to more.
Hey don't worry about those haters man. I been in this situation before when I was making stories like this.
I just thumb you down and be done with.
Don't care about it, read the description, laughed at the pure stupidity of it, wanted to go on a long rant about how stupid this is but decided i had better use of my time.
This seems fun, I'll watch for more.
suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/21142521/images/1350442939776.gif
Also...
Yeeeeaaaahhhh, there is no fucking way humanity is just going to fall for that so easily. I don't even need to read this to know that all it is is just one massive case of Idiot Ball. It makes the fucking Conversion Bureau look realistic.
6478141
Where be lady Luna?
I am sorry but this is the dumbest thing I have ever read in my life besides 50 shades of grey and my 2 life sorry but this sucks your honestly saying ever military would role over and play dead bullshit this is so bad that it makes home front look tame in compersion I rate 2 out 10
Cancelled. To bad. Story had potential.
Yes, because no women in power (chancellor of Germany, cough cough,) would fight back.
Also. Nuke Vs. Oversized deer army. Who wins?
6529599
all these arguements could be used against FoE in generall, not just this au. give the guy a fucking break.
Fuck is this shit lmfao. Here's your emoji fam, you earned it: 🤡