Alex Prior
Joined 26th May, 2014 ·
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Nice story (also what displaced thing is this?) (or is a kinda displaced but not a real thing)
6466314 also if its already told in the des. sry
6466314
Displaced-ish. Experimental thing mostly.
DAMM YOU NOIR!
6466317 ahh thx I know i wont leave this story for dead cuz somthing i hate happended i just know it
DAMM YOU NIOR! NOIR OR SOMTHING
6466317 I just know i wont leave this story for dead
DAMM YOU NOIR!
6466323
You triple-posted. Do you wish to delete the extras, or shall I?
Edit: My mistake. It still looks like a triple of the same post though. Would you at least edit them into one post, so it won't look that alike?
oh jesus, not fucking Gamsee!
6471386
...okay wasn't expecting this response.
6471460 Gamsee is the clown, right? Haven't read the comic in ages
6471659
Gamzee ain't the only grinner around, pal.
6471682 True, first one that comes to mind for me though
Thought you were gonna use him as a guide like he was for Caliborn
6471697
*Omniscient Shrug Of Vagueness*
"Hmmm "*kicks a random baby*" AND I GOT AWAY WITH IT"
ARE YOU GONNA GET ME OR WHAT? I KICKED A LITTLE CHILD! AHAHAHAHAHA
6478411
I figure the protassgonist doesn't care much about stuff like that. Unless you go and rape it. Then he'll kill you. Messily.
"..." PUNS OUT OF THIS HOUSE OUT OF THIS HOUSE!
I’m not even kidding. Roughly 53,7% of them were showing obvious signs of a discording "SCEINCE IS A BITCH! SCREW 557.???% I WANT TO EAT SOME BABIES! (the discorded ones taste sour just a warning) (and the non discorded taste 2 sweet
6515649
...You have issues.
6515931 Relevant
Show don't tell.
Show don't tell.
Show don't tell.
Show don't tell.
6540729
...Doesn't that kind of defeat the point?
6540786 its a basic rules that applies to practically all forms of storytelling, regardless of media. So yes. Dont just tell me something was interesting and that you would have liked it, describe it.
6540793
...Never said that either of us were bard-level storytellers.
This is an experimental story, after all; seeing how specific styles work out and such. Bumps and ridges are entirely expected.
6540803 I can provide a few links on the subject. The story being experimental does not really excuse the lack of detail. It's one thing to provide a vague description of something, but atleast trying, and another thing to just have the narrator say "then this pretty cool thing happened. I'd describe it, but nah."
6540829
Hmm, I see.
Personally, the starter intent was Playing With numerous tropes. I suppose I overlooked a few crucial details while doing it.
The original idea was to avert the Infallible Narrator trope, and to subvert the All First Person Narrators Write Like Novelists trope.
The narrator is essentially a young man relaying his story to [REDACTED], so I did not see much point in including lines corresponding to what he did not experience, and to glaze over what the narrator won't remember.
Out of curiousity, what was the part that caused such a reaction? So I'd know where to start considering to tweak scenes and such.
6540852 there's multiple scenes that come to mind, like the first confrontation between him and the princesses, the Red Miles, the destruction of random cloud city, and the betrayal of discord, luna, and celestia. I understand that you wanted to subvert some tropes, and the result isn't half bad, but some tropes are tropes for a reason. Because they help in delivering a story. Mabey increase the amount of details, but make the narrator mess up some details, or forget a part of it, only to later remember it. Also, the Red Miles. You should probably explain that to people not too familiar with it.
Edit: the character is a bit bland too. A bit unrealistic. Too accepting. Either way, carry on.
this is the most devised plan a Displaced has ever made bravo Noir bravo! also
*snaps finger* Here have a cake!
Well sir I am very dissapionted in you *snaps finger* HAVE A BIGGER CAKE with a pony head on top!
Hmmm... Fun and quick read. Can't wait for more!