An unexpected encounter upon her arrival in Equestria allows Sunset to finally make amends with the pony she loves the most.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 25th Jun, 2015
- offline last seen May 28th, 2017
Featherpen Lullaby
To fly you must first conquer the fear of falling.
Featherpen Lullaby
Joined 25th Jun, 2015 ·
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Try spacing out your text more (e.g. hit enter a couple of times after the end of a scene), it makes reading text much easier on the eyes.
Also while I appreciate you setting the scene, you might not want to use to many descriptors for a single aspect or object in the surroundings, especially if they aren't important or wont come into play at all.
)
What I mean by this is that you've written about two paragraphs about the transition in the portal even though it isn't really relevant to the story you're trying to tell (as far as I know at least; the inside of the portal could end up being super important for some reason
Actually, this is an interesting premise...Mother and Daughter...
I always ask before critiquing; so if you want some mild suggestions, okay.
But here's a thing...Geo. R. R. Martin can make entire chapters describing things when he writes. I know; I know his editor...she gives me hints on occasion.
It ain't hurting his sales too much...
Keep Writing! And Keep Reading!
Crystalheart
You better not chicken out sunset, I know you can do this!
I'm proud of you sunset.