The scrubbiest of scrubs... Also a DC, and a die-hard Nintendo.
A green pony has appeared in Ponyville, and though he slowly adjusts to a life in this town, he is tormented by a past that he can't remember, not to mention the few months he can. As the Mane Six help him find out who he is and who he once was, he begins to wonder whether or not this search for answers is truly worthwhile.
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now im not sure who rated this down but i have this to say to you.
HELL NO. honestly the reason i looked into this was because of the length<love long stories> but what kept me going was the actual work that you put into it. job well done and keep it up!
775570 If by work, you mean spending a few days to a week typing each chapter and then reading them over three times to edit them, then yeah, thanks. As for the down ratings, those showed up on the first chapter, and without anyone posting comments of any value, I can only guess at why it was rated down. So far, my favorite guesses are:
1: Someone doesn't like me disrespecting the background ponies.
2: What was supposed to be an exciting fight scene took up a third of the whole chapter when the entire battle could've been shortened to a paragraph or two.
3: The people who first read that chapter interpreted it as a Gary Stu fic (I prefer rhyming to alliteration).
And now, Storms and Bruised Egos is the most viewed chapter in this entire story, which is weird because it's the fifth chapter out of seven so far, and it's the one I'm least proud of. Can someone explain to me why the fifth chapter is getting so many views?
Hello? Anyone? -one? -one?
... Damn, I'm talking to my own echo.
863054
Everyone loves a good, public Trixie beating, of course!
I was enjoying the story until now; I don't think you handled this chapter with enough care. Final chapters are always a bitch to write, this I know. But you made the newbie mistake of introducing a shallow OC alicorn, and you're better than that. Zero Volt, I thought, turned out to be a decently well-made character, in spite of his Gary-Stu-ish introduction, and it's completely reasonable that a non-unicorn could possess magical abilities. (Pinkie and Fluttershy for example, have magical abilities, I believe.) But I think you could have explained his past better. Maybe Volt was chased away from Baltimare because he was a criminal, and the thieves who were chasing him in the first chapter had heard of his exploits. Maybe he was actually a changeling who was permanently stuck in his disguise. Maybe he was a genetic experiment commissioned by Third Rail -- maybe HE was the one who was supposed to carry out the coup; his lack of wings and horn would have made it easier to infiltrate Canterlot. The way you ended this first installment doesn't sit well with me.
With that said, I think the story is pretty good, and criminally underviewed. Only 3 ratings and 400 views? At 50,000 words?! Fuck that!
I'll be tracking, and I look forward to what you do for the sequel.
868014 Well if it makes you feel any better, not only did the shallow OC alicorn get his ass kicked by the better-developed OC, but Celestia was waiting in line to kick his ass. Oh, and technically it was a genetic experiment, if you choose to believe that that's what the spell was doing to Blitzkrieg/Zero Volt. The thing is, Zero Volt wasn't the product of the experiment; he wasn't even the failed prototype.
Although when I was typing Lightning War, it wound up feeling a little rushed to me. I suppose it could have turned out better if I had delayed the fight between Zero Volt and Blitzkrieg and allowed a few more things to happen along the way. Maybe I could have stretched it to two chapters to give Blitzkrieg and his family a little more characterization. The thing is, Blitzkrieg was a minor villain, he was always going to be a minor villain, and I didn't really want to flesh out a group of villains who are going to be completely overshadowed by the villains that I'm going to introduce later on. Maybe that's not the right way of going about it, but at the moment, I have no intention of revamping this chapter.
869951
I don't know, I kind of prefer it when the villains are as complex as the heroes. When you know what and why they do what they do it makes a villain more respectable and memorable. This is the end of the first part of the story; you gotta leave us with something to chew on.
But, Hell, it's not my story, and the fact that you've got the balls to put it up in the first place makes you a more successful writer than me. Just make sure Blitzkrieg and company end up having an impact on the plot as a whole, then we'll be good.
Rarity is a bitch? It's canon.
Just read the ending of the chapter.
No idea what you mean. I see 189 views. Flutterdash?
Just read the author's note. Kid Icarus? This makes Pinkie happy. Happy enough to....PARTYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2344000 I meant 200 views across all chapters. Yes, it did take seven chapters for this story to get that many views. Also, this was written way back when Rainbow Dash x Fluttershy was both a popular and overdone pairing. It probably still is.
2344587The weirdest ship is ApplePie, which ironically, sounds the best. Any ship with RD sounds fine because she's a tomcolt. IDK.
His name is ZERO Volt
And alsoYEAH I am the first and second reviewer for this chapter
3715631
Reviewer? I think you mean commenter.
Sorry about the dislike I'm reading this on my tablet so I must've hit while scrolling down.
Fixed it anyways great story
One comment? Just one!?
FiMFiction should be ashamed.
I'm not too sure about our protagonist. He's a bit tough to figure as it is right now. I'll read the next chapter and see what progresses. In the meanwhile? I sort of wish he had a portrait. That'd definitely be cool.
Lord I'm tired.
4266737
The next two or three chapters are better about fleshing him out, and especially about forming the dynamic between him and the individual members of the Mane cast. This chapter wound up being a Gary Stu-ish introduction of him.
I surprised you're actually reading this.