agron989
Joined 7th Jan, 2014 ·
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It's a good start to the story by you have set the story up like a play. Mite want to fix that up by other wise its a good start
6321982 I don't understand but I like the help
6321985 how old are you its just a qustion
6321988 21 years old I'm happy to answer
6321996 ok what I meant by its set like a play is that take this for example
Ms. HarshWhinny: "Well after an exhausting day like this I think I'm going to returned the spa, for more relaxation".
Princess Cadence: "Very well Miss. HarshWhinny, we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your visit here".
"Well after an exhausting day like this I think I'm going to returned the spa, for more relaxation". said Ms HarshWhinny:
"Very well Miss HarshWhinny, we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your visit here" said Princess Cadence
It's very hard to explain but try to compare the two and see what you think I'm not the best when it comes to extending and helping with stories
6322025 I see your point indeed thank you
It's a great start! Well done, hopefully you'll keep improving.
6322444 Why thank you
Yes, this is a good start. However, there are the mistakes that need fixing. Which I wouldn't mind taking a swing at if you don't mind. If you make a thread within the group I sent you I could place the corrections in said thread.^^ But I don't think I'll be able to do it good now since it's like three twenty in the morning for me.^^
6324542 I know it's getting there don't worry I'm getting there it's just hard writing these stories but I'll get there and It's like I said your comments are welcome.
Good so far, I enjoyed it. :)
huzza my first editing job and it got used
6328329 Of course you did a good job
Cap.
____________
A little thing. Periods, or commas need to be inside the quotation marks. But other than the missing punctuation it's not that bad.
6364954 Thanks not too worry I fix all the problems on chapter 1
6365307 when can we expect chapter 3?
6505175 Oh there will be another chapter and it'll be good
6506673 but when? The waiting is killing me
6506740 Yeah I know I'm almost done this will be another chapter but different
6506751 different? different how?
6506775 You'll see
6506781 awwwwww no spoilers?
6506781 how much longer till the new chapter? The anticipation is killing me
6569386 I'm sorry about that been working on other things too sorry I understand completely what you mean
6569475 its alright i understand i just cant wait is all
6569477 Believe me I know what you mean
6572719 so have you been working on this?
6643393 Yep i've been working on it real good too
6645789 do you have an estimated time on when we can expect it to come out?
6645959 no I don't know when it'll be done
6645995 that's alright, at least we know you're working on it
6646002 Thanks Knight N Gale i'll get done now worries.
6646150 how is the chapter coming?
6683680 It's coming along good thanks for asking
6684941 that's great to hear and sorry for the pestering, i just like to keep tabs on the stories i follow and watch
6685045 Hey your not pestering no worries I'm the same with nice stories as well so it's all good no problem
6685402 when can we expect a new chapter?
7277553 I was planing on making this the last one, it's hard to keep a good story going.
7277553 On second thought scratch that last comment there will be another one.
7283935 OK...can't wait
7283935 whatever happened to the other chapter you said you were gonna write?
8080762 I know and i'm sorry it's been awhile since i worked on any of my 2 stories sorry bout that
8090397 do you still plan on continuing this?
8091025 oh yes indeed i did start chapter 2 it's just i haven't had much chance working on them
next chapter please
8092696
Update?