The Statue

I wrapped my scarf around my neck. The old, torn, striped scarf was a fading blue and purple, but it was still cozy.
I trotted outside of the room. The two guards on both sides of the room that I came out of gave a silent bow. Most of the time, I would have been comforted by their lack of emotions; today I was not.

I trotted towards the doors. The guards made a silent attempt to follow me, but I stretched out one foreleg. They both stopped at my silent signal and left me alone. I walked to the gigantic oak doors that stood between me and the outside world, took a deep breath and marched outside.

Fresh snow crunched under my hooves. It seemed to have stopped snowing. The cold, beautiful whiteness blanketed the ground. Everything was covered by snow. The trees and the pathway that led from the castle to gates were covered by thick, white snow. I walked slowly across the ground. I stopped to look back to see my prints in the snow because it had been such a long time since I had seen snow and it had been an even longer time since I had gone outside.

I slipped off my scarf and hung it on a nearby tree. Off towards the gates that protected the castle from the outside world, stood a statue. It was particular statue. It seemed out of place for a garden and everypony who walked by it gave it a look of disgust; It was an ugly statue, but only in the eyes of the world. To me, it was a beautiful statue. It also happened to be covered by snow. I walked up to it and carefully wiped the snow off the statue with my hoof.

“Hello.” I said to the statue.

The statue did not reply.

I sat down in the cold snow and looked up at the statue. It stared at the tree. I sighed.

“I don’t suppose that you miss me, do you?” I asked the statue. Still nothing.

It was a statue after all.

“I got married yesterday. Yes, finally.” I chuckled and covered my blush with my hoof. “I love him very much. His name is Evening Candle. He loves me too.”

I frowned and stared up at the statue. It stared at the tree.

“Well, of course I would marry him! He may not be royalty, but at least I love him! I know the rules, if I die then he cannot rule,” I flicked my tail angrily, “But I love him! Love is all that matters! Besides, I believe I will outlive him given my current biology.”

The statue did not move.

“No, my younger sister has yet to find somepony she… has come to enjoy, but I am working on it. I can see that she has been spending quite a lot of time around one of older Captains.” I said and giggled. “I believe she fancies him.”

The statue remained still.

“What do you mean by this?” I asked the statue.

It remained quiet.

“Of course, he’s not royalty, but does that matter?” I protested and stamped a hoof into the snow. “I love him and it should not matter what class he is.”

The statue did not move. A gust of wind blew through my mane and through my coat. I shivered but held my gaze on the statue.
“Oh you should see him! I would have brought him to you, but he’s away.” I said sadly. “He was called in to the Griffin Kingdom. I could not go.”

The statue did not move. Another breeze blew through my mane.

“Did you go to a party?”

For a moment, I froze. Did the statue talk?

Then I relaxed.

No, it did not. It was only a statue after all.

“I had an extravagant party last night. It was wonderful and huge. You should have seen the cake! It was ginormous. I, of course, did not eat a single bite.”

The statue did not move.

“How rude! My weight is perfectly fine, thank you very much! The cake was eaten up by the party planner. She made the cake and then she ate it. Oh well, she made this the best party yet so I do forgive her.” I tapped my chin. “Perhaps I should have my husband’s party go the same way. Oh Evening would love it!”

The statue did not move. The tree beside it did move, in the sudden gust of wind, allowing the snow to fall onto the statue. I smiled.
“You look positively funny with that snow in your mane. Here.” I stood up and swept off the snow. For a moment, I stared at the statue. It stared back at the tree.

It did not move, however. I did not expect it to. It was a statue of course.

“I remember the good times.” I said as I stared at the statue. “I remember the bad times that we shared. We fought but we always pulled through. You and me against the world.”

I felt the tears once again flow down my cheek. They fell onto the ground and I could not bring myself to keep looking at the statue. I turned away and sat onto the snow with my back towards the statue.

It did not make a move to comfort me.

“Was I not good enough?” I asked myself in a whisper then I turned to the statue in rage. “Was I not good enough for you? I did everything for you!”

The statue made no movements. It made no sound.

“You turned on me. You told me you loved me then the next day attempted to hurt me! You changed. You let fear and anger control you. I did not care what the ponies thought of you. You let their words get to you and instead of letting me help you with this… you nearly destroyed my world. Our world.” I said angrily. “You become everything that you feared that you would be. A monster.”

The statue did not move. It did not speak. It made no moves to comfort me as I cried there and it began to snow.

“Y-you should have let me try to help you. Yet you refused. I had to stop you. I had stop you.” I said sadly as tears streamed down my face. I looked at the statue.

I gasped.

A single tear fell from the statue. Time seemed to slow down as the sparkling fluid fell. It hit the ground with the tiniest ping and sunk into the ground.

Perhaps I imagined it.

Perhaps not.

I wiped my nose with my hoof, quite unlike my normal royal self and I dried my eyes. I trotted up to statue slowly.

Perhaps I did imagine it. The statue hadn’t moved. It hadn’t spoken.

It did not cry.

Did it?

I turned to the castle as the snow began to fall faster. I found my scarf and wrapped it around my neck. I looked back at the statue one last time.

“I loved you. No matter what we’ve gone through, no matter what you did, I will always love you.” I whispered and trotted back to the castle. In breeze, I thought I heard another voice. A faint, familiar voice that floated from the statue.

“I love you too, Celestia.”

Perhaps I imagined it. It was only a statue, after all.

Author's Note:

Well, what do you think? I'm feel like I'm the worst at romance, so this is me trying. I'm not sure how good the story actually is so comments, good or bad, are appreciated at the bottom! Show some love for the story too with a like if you liked it! (Or a dislike.)

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SparkBrony

SparkBrony #1 · Jun 22nd, 2015 · · ·

This is actually pretty good, but your sentences are very choppy and you have a lot of repeating words, especially in the first few paragraphs. For instance, this:

Sometimes I would have been comforted by their lack of emotions. Today I was not.

would sound better as something like this:

Most times I would have been comforted by their lack of emotions; however, today I was not.

This:

I walked to the gigantic oak doors that stood between me and the outside world. I took a deep breath and marched outside.

could simply use some commas to un-chop it:

I walked to the gigantic oak doors that stood between me and the outside world, took a deep breath, and marched outside.

As for this:

I wrapped my scarf around my neck. The striped scarf was a fading purple and blue. It was old and torn in some places but it was still cozy.

you don't want to use the same word(s) in rapid succession unless you absolutely need to. It sounds weird and just doesn't flow well. Try to use synonyms if you can; good ones for scarf would be stuff like garment or cloth, but here you can just combine all three of these sentences like this:

I wrapped the old, torn, fading purple and blue scarf cozily around my neck.

Try to lay off words like "I", "it", and "the statue". You used "I" 89 times in the story, "it" 74 times, and "the statue" 28 times, but a lot of these can simply be eradicated by combining sentences.

Now onto content. I thought the storyline was actually quite good, but it seems like I've read a story somewhere like this, at least where someone is getting emotional to an object they think is inanimate but actually isn't. I'm fairly sure you're implying that the statue is Discord, but you might want to put a few more hints that it's him - you don't have to directly say it but maybe describe in more detail what the statue looks like. I liked how Celestia just kinda makes up a conversation with him and imagines that he's replying.

In conclusion I'll leave my like on this story since I enjoyed it for the most part, just work on the choppiness and repetitiveness of your writing and try to describe things a bit more. Cheers!

Fret

Fret #2 · Jun 22nd, 2015 · · ·

I honestly don't understand the dislikes. It's obviously not perfect - no fanfic is, but it's by no means bad. I, for one, enjoyed reading it. Dislestia angst is the best pony angst, after all.

Either way, I really like how you made it so the reader didn't know if Discord's responses were in Celie's mind or not, giving us a chance to decide for ourselves. I'm always grateful when I find stories that do this. Celestia's one-sided conversation was interesting too - we didn't need Discord answering for us to know what she was talking about. Speaking of which, I don't think I found the name 'Discord' mentioned once, but we didn't need to. We knew who she was talking to.

There are a couple of things I need to point out though. First is the use of short sentences. Now, using them is fine when adding affect, which I feel is necessary here, but I feel they're over used, especially at the beginning. I found it quite distracting, since using them for more that you need makes it so they lose their effect. If they were used once or twice at the beginning, then put aside until Celie begins taking to Discord, then it would've been better. Just a piece of advice...

Also, a little grammar complaint (so much regret with this...) but putting a full stop at the end of the character's speech and then putting the description after it is wrong (that was terrible wording lol) so basically,

“I remember the good times.” I said as I stared at the statue.

Should be,

“I remember the good times," I said as I stared at the statue.

^^^ that's actually a really small complaint, but I just can't help pointing it out

Either way, I enjoyed reading it. Keep on writing! ^^

(also, some of those dislikes may be from the fact that it's Dislestia. Damn haters...)

Nerfyy

Nerfyy #3 · Jun 25th, 2015 · · ·

hmm it isnt bad ^^ i liked this
just what pisses me of is how Celestia rubs salt in the wound xDD
talking about partys and cakes in front of one who cant have it
grr xDD

Lighttone GryphonStar

Lighttone GryphonStar #4 · Nov 21st, 2015 · · ·

Wow, this was way better than I thought it would be. I almost had tears as well at the end. And I love we were able to decide for ourselves whether the talk was one sided, or not.

I also notice a lot parallels with a story that I almost wrote a month but then decided to put on hold to write another story. But now that I have found this story, I know writing my version would be pointless now. Because your story would still be the better one. Oh well, I still enjoyed this story.