Many creatures reside in the Everfree, but some are just preposterous. One, however, takes the cake. It's been socially accepted that Ponies, Griffons, Cows, Mules, Dragons, and Buffaloes can talk, but what about a chicken? This story follows the adventure of a very special baby chick, and his unique abilities. Join in!
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Nice, finally got your fic up! Hope it goes well for you dude!
This is a fairly unique concept. Also a cute one.
But it is fairly rushed, and it needs more storyline and detail work.
900677 So he basically wrote out the adventures of Scootaloo?
900794 Mornin'. Sleepin' any better lately?
And I can totally see this little chick evolving (like a pokemon or something) into a Scootaclone.
900806 If by sleep, you mean pass out after 1 AM or so, then yeah.
Also, story was nice, rushed a bit but nice.
900677>>900822 Yeah, couldn't get the pacing quite right
Edited it a bit in the beginning for now, but I'll probably add a bit more later.
Mh, I really liked this, got send here by Thunder Seethe, who mentioned you in the Prologue of his DayZ-Fic. Anyway, I like your style of writing, very measured and detailed.
I have three little complaints, though:
1. PACE! This fic is interesting and has compelling characters, but narrative-wise it is paced like an ant pushing a brick accross a desert. No offense here, seriously, but it is kinda sad that we hardly get any action to go with your good style. It may appear "rushed" because there is everything and nothing happening at once. Basically, you are not very descriptive while at the same time having stuff happen pretty fast.
2. Repetition of words! You used "Well" a lot in this chapter, practically three times in a row in the beginning (just CTRL+F and enter "Well" and you will see what I mean).
3. Not enough paraphrasing! There are different words for most expressions, what got me to write this, though, was:
"Why does everypony assume that it's silly for a chicken to talk? Is it really that rare?" Peep interrupted, which left Fluttershy completely shocked.
"Uh... Fluttershy? Are ya okay? Ya seem kind of... shocked..." Applebloom said, as she waved her hooves in front of Fluttershy's eyes, to get her attention.
You could have used stunned, flabbergasted, gob-smacked or a billion other words to avoid this repetition here. It makes for a more interesting read if you do.
Still, magnificent job for a first fic. I will keep a close eye on this and you, let's see where this is going.
Is there chicken talk?