Hope makes your dreams fly higher!
Someone is making sure that their castle wins the cup for highest kingdom award in first prize! It is up to Rainbow Dash to stop them, but can she?
At the start of the competition she gets taken out to the place where she will stay, she gets dropped onto the ground and is told not to move for anything before the whistle blows. Rainbow is also told that this years competition is stay alive the longest of a thousand.
There is death!
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Him... While the idea is interesting, the chapter was... Less than impressive. It was heavy on introducing OC's, which made it kind of boring to read even though it served its purpose of giving a base to every character. I'll be tracking to see if this picks up, becauae it sounds like a good idea.
Fillies are girls. Colts are guys. How does one open a door rambunctiously? Why did Meadow need Nutmeg to be asleep for star gazing? Is it illegal?
too.
6066521 She did not want to disturb her.
Somehow I missed this update until now. Oh well, at least I finally found it.
I would suggesting finding an editor for this story. The paragraph structure is really killing me here. in the example above, I'll make a few notes on how you could improve.
You're in the story now? Unless this a comedy with the narrator being an actual character, don't use terms like "I mean-" and, "You understand me?". It's... distracting.
How much is five pounds? Plates give better imagery. Also, end this with a period since the next part is an entirely separate sentence.
Sorry. Pet peeve.
Anyway, here's a grammatically correct way of expressing those sentences.
Separate paragraphs when you have a new speaker, it makes the story much easier to read.
On a general note... I can't keep track of all the OC's... I know the way you wrote your story sets up for a large cast, but I can't get a feel for the characters when there's so many so fast.