Wishes and desires aren't just limited to heroes...
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Saw this updated today, and after reading this I remembered I never got around to writing my thoughts/opinions on this story the first time I binged through it, so I thought I might as well do it now.
For starters, I found this a very interesting take on Nightmare Moon. I personally am biased towards the idea of her being Luna/a fragmented personality rather than a parasite/possessing spirit, but you pull it off well here. Also I have to give you credit for writing a story with an unrepentant NMM as a villain protagonist, and getting me to *root* for her. The way her friendship with Vinyl develops was also a treat to read, particularly how she just resigns herself to it. Also your fight scenes are pretty well written.
Now for negative criticisms, i'm going to get a bit wordy here. In truth they're not that big compared to the rest of the story, mostly constrained to two events. I briefly considered posting this in the respective chapters but in the end decided to put all my opinions together in a single post.
- The Mane 6/Princesses' escape: NMM executed her coup flawlessly, accounting for every way her plans could be derailed and addressing each factor. She showed herself to be a meticulous and intelligent schemer, and her victory felt *earned*. So this part came as a surprise as it seemed she and all her minions got an idiot ball glued to their hooves. The Hero Antagonists' escape plan wasn't really smart, it felt more like they hit all the prison/dungeon escape tropes they could. Even making an admission of this showing NMM to have grown complacent, it didn't really feel like the Mane 6-1+2 got one up over her, and it felt more like their win was handed to them.
- The Human Knight Commander: Simply put, he feels too "perfect". He's that blend of naive and self-righteous that's particularly grating. But the part that really got me where the fight scenes involving him. Simply put, they felt like an exercise in frustration. I could understand NMM getting taken down a peg or two, but this just didn't feel satisfactory. The way he kept bullshitting his way out of every attack she could think of screamed "OP PLZ NERF". It was really jarring for me as the other fight scenes you wrote were really good.
I hope I didn't come across as too negative on this. My opinion of this fic is overall positive, and having read the latest chapter I am eager to read the resolution of this particular arc and what it will mean for the rest of the story. These were a few things I felt like I just had to get off my chest.
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Thanks so much for the comment. You didn't come across as too negative at all - criticism is important for a writer to get better and know what they need to improve on
Very good 10k chapter.
It’s too bad this fic is relatively unknown.
I'm probably wrong but going over how NMM is all but determined to be killed, I think I see the reasoning behind it. She began as a demonic force, without form, without a body, and most importantly, without a corporeal mind. Vynal may have been far more deadly to NMM than any weapon the Equestrians could bring to bear on her. She "infected" NMM with friendship. It's this same friendship that brought with it a whole raft of emotions and... feelings, impurities that have soiled what used to be true evil, bereft of anything resembling friendship. She's come to realize this and decided the only way to purify herself is to destroy the body she is all but trapped inside. Like a Terminator, to grab a cliche, she cannot self-terminate and must be killed by someone else.