- Member Since 11th Dec, 2014
- offline last seen Wednesday
Lupine Infernis
I latch onto any media with good story and characters like a leech, spewing out stories when the flame of... Yeah, I write MLP stories, don't judge me.
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I like where the story is going at this time, but why is there a human tag?
6027490 The human tag is for future chapters, which is about all I can say without getting too spoiler-y. A little warning for anyone expecting humans right off the bat.
6028191
oh, didn't see that coming but I don't mind. Something different is good too.
about when will our human friend show up
6053812 Not for a while, unfortunately; it's still building up to the 'true' plot, and that element won't come in until it really gets going. I'd say more, but... spoilers.
What happens if the position is open too long?
Anarchy LOL
6058835 In the case of the First-Sixth Representative positions going without a suitable candidate for too long, the pony with the highest rank amongst nobility is required to step in, and should they have no experience in whatever division they're supposed to represent, they are assigned a group of advisors who do have experience.
If no candidate is found for the Seventh Representative, then either Princess Celestia or Princess Luna step in to take the position, at least until a suitable candidate is found.
A position going unfulfilled is rare however, due to many of the nobles training their children to step in when the time comes, as to prevent such a scenario. The outcome of Blueblood gaining such a title, in particular, means many are motivated to step in.
So instead of Plundervines, Discord's seed did something else?
6073307 Yes, and it's the reason why Lyra's afraid of peeled potatoes. The entire thing happened at some point before Twilight's arrival and she's unaware of the event because everypony has agreed to not talk about the Starch Swarm. For the children, of course.
So, I was going to wait for my eyes to not feel like they are about to roll out of my head, but after just finishing reading through what chapters are currently up my half dead brain decided sleep didn't exist and i should write a comment, and here i am. First i want to say i love both the story's writing and its premise. I find the writing spot on throughout the story in terms of grammar and character interaction and i need to really dig deep to find anything wrong and most of it is nitpicking, comma instead of a period, the little things that are easily missed. I cannot express enough how I wish there where more stories with Nightmare Moon as the good guy or about her redemption, so already this story is a'okay in my books but this story puts a little more icing on the cake by having her disguised in a different persona, which is something i haven't seen all that much of and makes me want to read more.
What can i say about the personality you've given to each character? I'm sure i must sound like a broken record with all the praises I'm singing about this story but the characters are done really well. It can be both easier and more difficult to write for what are essentially background characters with one or two lines of dialog, easier in that there is no need to conform to preset standards and more difficult in that there isn't much to base the initial characters on but they're still canon so there are some personality traits that need to be present. I especially like what you did with Nightmare and Blueblood, while Nightmare is still 'evil' and Blueblood is still 'arrogant' it can be argued that they hold the moral high-ground where as if it was purely canon no such arguments could ever be made.
Now its time to take you off that high horse I've put you on, get it? *snicker* High horse because ponies? and they're small? *sigh* I know where the door is. While your story is good it does have questionable things going on, the first is how did Nightmare become friends with Vinyl, Fancypants and Fleur? From the readers point of view Nightmare had one or two interactions with them and then poof, friends where made. I'm not saying to rewrite chapters or fix it now but maybe down the line later in the story go back and write some side chapters about how they became friends.
This is more of a nitpicking sort of thing on my part but why was Nightmares' acceptance into the royal court so lackluster? there was so much lost potential in the interactions that could have been, what efforts did Nightmare go to to avoid the mane six? Or if they did meet up what was said? Why didn't Vinyl congratulate Nightmare? like i said nitpicking but still frustrating.
If you are concerned about your story not getting many views try adding it to one or several groups centered around the theme of your story
Now its on to some questions that I have, don't feel obliged to answer its just some things i don't want to wait to find out:
1. Is Octavia mute?
2. how long do you plan for this story to be? <100'000 short, 100'000 - 250'000 medium, 250'000 - 500'000 long, >500'000 marathon.
3. If you have one who is your favorite pony?
The other half of my brain just died and I'm about to become a very human shaped potato so in closing I love the story and cannot wait to read more and see where it leads, if you ever need someone to bounce ideas off of I would be more than happy to help. Keep up the good work
6078948 First off, thank you for the praise; I appreciate the in-depth explanations you give for what you like and dislike. There were some chapters that were rushed compared to others and left out some stuff that viewers may have wanted to see; your suggestion for side chapters is a good one, and I might implement them as the story continues.
Now, to put your mind at ease:
1. Octavia is mute. Equestrian medicine and the Arcane sub-school of healing magic is not yet sophisticated enough to cure it.
2. That's a tricky question as I have a dozen other chapters that just need to be revised and edited, but still have plans for more. Definitely over 100, 000 though.
3. My favourite pony would have to be Nightmare Moon. I've always had a fixation on villains we know almost nothing about on a personal level, yet they obviously have had a significant impact in-universe. A blank slate like that is prime writing material and I've already planned out what Nightmare Moon's origins are and why Luna chose to be her host.
Haha, NM is having the funniest frustration ever!
This story doesn't have nearly enough attention.
Genetically modified creatures?
Uhhh... What's with the human tag?
6113636 It'll come into play later in the story.
So these are rifts to some human world I'm guessing? And Equestria is getting the ass end of some of the creatures there? Doesn't seem malicious at least. Proabably some magic dickery that some mage screwed up.
6114354 I have my own suspicions about the whole portal thing. I believe that it is indeed a portal into a human universe, but it is not ours. I believe that these may be portals to a planet where bugs are the supreme predators. Otherwise, some Earth bugs just might be the size of ponies.
6115611 I'm thinking it's a fantasy world. Obviously not a dangerous one like Warhammer, or even The Elder Scrolls to a lesser degree, but still out there enough to pose a threat to a bunch of tiny pastel herd creatures.
There's a couple of ways this can go...
By the power granted by the STATE of Equestria? I thought there would be different wording. I'd have to check the UK but I thought the state line in the U.S. was because it was literally the states recognizing the marriage.
So Twilight dancing is a full body dry heave set to music?
6172772 Yeah, I was actually meaning to change that since Equestria doesn't seem to have states and completely forgot; thanks for pointing that out, and I hope the new version makes more sense.
6172777 Sort of. A full body dry heave would have more rhythm.
I've skipped most of the chapter for a brief moment to make this comment:
Any chapter that starts with a letter to a friend(s) is always going to end badly, especially ones with such a hopeful tone. I'll be back too make a second comment after I see how this ends.
6173807
Ok, not quite as bad as I first thought it was going to be, but still... interesting... though since the story is tagged 'Human' it is relatively simple to see where this may be going. I hope this story manages to make the trope more appealing.
Hmm, Nightmare Moon is growing a little soft... still not enough for her to consider calling off her plans though. Maybe she's just learning the true value of being close to someone while she continues with her scheme.
6172772
6173046
No, bad people! The term 'state' is correct, it refers to a governed entity!
This needs more comments and good support, hopefully being featured will grant that. Congratulations by the way.
Ooh, love this story so far!!
Cant wait to see what you have planned for the next chapter^^
Nightmare moon finally showed some of her cards. However, even with Celestia defeated the elements of harmony are still in Ponyville. Not to mention her friends Vinyl and Fancy pants are still in Canterlot. It seems that she has only planned for the short term and not the long term.
Pyromancy. Now thats some fun stuff. I wonder if golemancy is a thing?
What then If/when Nightmare Moon rules Equestria. Become a cruel dictator, everlasting night, change in leadership with a stronger military force, better health care? To be continued . . . .
Finally
Looking forward to seeing the new regime. Hopefully no shitty Deus Ex Machina ends it within 3 chapters.
So...how do horn injuries work in this universe?
6202422 Breaking a unicorn's horn does not disable their ability to use magic; it would be the equivalent of a human losing a fingernail and expecting them to be unable to grab things. Additionally, breaking any section of a unicorn's horn above the mid-point of their length does not cause pain; it is near the base of the horn which holds the nerves.
A unicorn's horn grows back incredibly fast - an expected span of two to three weeks when losing more than half - and even surgically removing the entire horn does nothing to stop it from regrowing from scratch. It is the only appendage of all the races that can grow back naturally - an equivalent would be a human regrowing an entire limb.
Even so, this does not change the fact that attacking the horn is a good strategy when facing a unicorn.
6202740
It was more of a shock factor for the guards, wasn't it?
6203955 The shock factor was a side effect of what Nightmare Moon truly intended when she broke Celestia's horn.
6202740
it seems you are saying two different things:
Breaking a unicorn's horn does not disable their ability to use magic; it would be the equivalent of a human losing a fingernail and expecting them to be unable to grab things.
And:
It is the only appendage of all the races that can grow back naturally - an equivalent would be a human regrowing an entire limb.
Is it like a limb or is it almost entirely cosmetic?
They're all going to go to jail, aren't they?
6206886 A unicorn's horn assists in the casting of magic, but it is not as important as other races think.
The focus point - that is, the area where the unicorn utilizes magic consciously - is the centre of their forehead, not the horn itself. The horn however, functions in the same way a set of training wheels helps one learn how to ride a bike. This is because a unicorn can see the tip of their horn and by focusing on it, they have an easier time of using magic. With practise and time, unicorns eventually learn how to use magic without the assistance of their horn.
Even so, a unicorn's horn is dear to them; it is strong enough to be used as an emergency weapon, it holds a place among unicorn culture as a symbol of one's sense of hygiene, and - though this line of thinking has largely died out in present times - it serves as a reminder of how superior unicorns are to their lesser brethren.
Also, despite what many think, a unicorn's horn is as much an erogenous zone to them as a hand is to a human - it largely depends on the individual's tastes.
6206989 Thanks for clarifying.
Discord is kind of the WMD of characters when it comes to conflicts with opposing sides, whoever gets him wins usually if the the other side doesn't have the elements of harmony or something of equal or greater strength to force a stalemate or instant win.
Therefore the moment Discord was mentioned to be on the side of Celestia and Luna the whole situation kind of lost tension unless NMM has something that can counter him in a manner that is not instant defeat otherwise hes kind of pointless to include in the first place.
6203955
It may have the same effect as removing the fingernail, but it feels like having half of your head removed.
6206989
But what evolutionary advantage does it have besides being sharp and pointy, then?
6207914 Old unicorn lore will tell you that it serves as a symbol of their superiority over the other races.
In truth, it really does have little else going for it other than being sharp and pointy and acting as a training tool for casting magic. Many non-unicorn scholars go so far as to say it is vestigial. Naturally, this claim is very controversial and guaranteed to incite anger in unicorns.
Check your etymology. "Homo", meaning "human", is Latin. "Homo", meaning "same", is Greek. "Homosexual" refers to prefering your own sex, not to prefering humans.
6210187
The difference is that the appendix used to have a use.