Her Locked Door

by DuskAndDawn

Conspiracy

Bon-bon did not know what day it was, she could only see black clouds and rain out from the tiny barred window of her cell. She was absolutely starving as she had refused to eat since she was dragged back into her cell. She was considerably more miserable than before. She knew what was more or less the only truth she was getting, and it nearly destroyed her each time to think of it.

“Psst, Bon-bon.” Came a voice from seemingly nowhere.

“Huh?” Came Bon-bon’s reply.

“Up here, at the window. We’re going to cut you out. Don’t react.”

Bon-bon’s eyes widened as a tiny, spinning contraption started to cut silently through the bars.

“Wh- what is that?” Bon-bon asked in confusion and almost panic.

“Something Twilight built. Don’t ask. Some technical sciency stuff. Catch the bar as it falls. If it crashes against th- Guard!”

The contraption dissapeared as a guard patrol came past Bon-bon’s cell, checking if everything was in order. One of them looked suspiciously at Bon-bon who was still staring at the bars of the window, but the patrol eventually passed and whoever was at the barred window started cutting again.

The bar fell finally and Bon-bon only jusy managed to catch it. The removal of the bar had allowed Bon-bon to fit through the window, but only just. She closed her eyes as she was picked up and pulled through the tiny gap, and collapsed to the ground.

“Hey Bon, how are you doing?”

“I’ve been locked up for a month, how do you th- wait…COLGATE?”

“Yeah it’s me.” Said Colgate, who had an eye-patch and next to her were Twilight Sparkle and Vinyl Scratch. “Twilight helped get you out with that weirdo science thing, and Vinyl was going to be Lyra’s next target so she wanted to come along.”

“But…Lyra killed you…” Mumbled Bon-bon.

“No, she kidnapped me. Come with me, I have a lot to explain. Twilight, take Vinyl and go back. I need to talk with Bonny alone.”

“Are you sure?” Said Twilight.

“Yeah.” Replied Colgate sternly.

Twilight and Vinyl went off in their separate directions and Bon-bon followed Colgate. It looked like they were going back to Lyra’s.

“I’d be careful, in case you’re caught. We’re going to sort out this whole thing and clear your name in the morning. We should lie low until then.” Said Colgate, talking as they trotted. “In the meantime, I should explain a few things. Lyra was sick and twisted from the start, Bon-bon. I’m sure you’ve seen the hidden part of her spare room now. Those pictures are there simply to scare you. Lyra predicted that you would see that room and she also planned out her own death. It was quite tragic as a whole, really. You see, Lyra first murdered by complete accident and it drove her a little bit more insane each day until she felt she had to murder more. Her relationship with you was purely to fill in the gap in her heart that had been left by all the merciless, pointless killing she had commited.”

“I don’t get it…that’s all very well but, why did she plan her death and why did it have to be me?”

“I’ll explain that when we get to Lyra’s spare room.”

---

Bon-bon followed Colgate into Lyra’s spare room. She seemed to be following ponies a lot lately. But that was not a bad thing; she had no idea what was going on herself. Colgate stopped in the middle of the room.

“Me and Lyra made a deal that she would kidnap me to shock you enough into almost hating Lyra. Because only then could you actually have the will to kill her. Lyra wanted to commit suicide, but she was too scared to do it herself. I agreed to everything that she told me, and I thought she had told me the whole plan. But when I heard she had bribed the police force to arrest you, which was after she had died, I was shocked and decided to try and figure it out. And from what I could figure out, she thought she was helping you. When she first killed, she got herself into a specific murderer’s mindset, for want of a better term. She thought you would have the same, so she had you locked up to, in theory, prevent you from killing others.”
“Wh-what? That’s mad! That’s crazy! I don’t want to kill, ever! Ever ever ever!” Said Bon-bon, shocked beyond relief.
“Lyra didn’t think that. But she actually loved you and she didn’t want you to become a murderer so much she was willing to do anything. That money wasn’t from her grand-parents as the Prison Warden who helped you escape momentarilty said, she stole it from Vinyl and was planning to kill her in case she found out. She had planned everything. It even surprised me…”

“You mean…Lyra did it because…she loved me? Not because she hated me or because she was a psychopath?”

“Well, she was a pychopath. I helped her because she was dangerous and she genuinely wanted all of this to stop. She was almost in tears as she spoke to me, and I just had to agree. I’m sorry, Bon-bon. I know it was wrong of me, wrong of us all, to put you through all of this.”

“You…pretended…it’s a conspiracy…” Bon-bon closed her eyes and started to shake.

“Yes…I’m sorry…are you okay? Do you need to rest?”

“No. I am not okay. You all lied to me. I was a chess piece, wasn’t I? You all used me just so a psychopath could kill herself in the most cowardly way possible. You’re all horrible. I hate you…I hate you…” Bon-bon started to advance on Colgate, re-opening her eyes with a malicious glint in them.

“Now, Bon-bon…please…you have to try and understand…don’t do anything rash, please!” Colgate started to gallop off, but Bon-bon was on her, grabbing her head and with a cold and calculated movement, snapped it with a sickening crunch.

Lyra was right in trying to protect Bon-bon.

Comments

[leaderofstars]

ouch.

[DuskAndDawn]

615702
Did your head explode?

[leaderofstars]

615706
ouch.

[leaderofstars]

615706
also ouch.

[BoogaBingBangBow]

ouch. Shit's going down now.

[DuskAndDawn]

615785
That's technically the end of the story. I might make a sequel that shows the events after this, i.e Bon-bon goes totally crazy and stuff.

[Starberry Burst]

Seems like a very convoluted conspiracy, and I'm not even sure that would be enough to make someone snap and kill.

It's on very thin ice, but it's a good read at any rate.

[Sun Chaser]

29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ls8pxp5Qou1qammq4o1_500.gif
No! Bad writer! Bad convoluted plot! Bad writer!

[DuskAndDawn]

615856
Thanks for the constructive criticism, I'll use it to improve next time.

[Sun Chaser]

615865

29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ls8pxp5Qou1qammq4o1_500.gif
Bad writer! Never create a mystery with a convoluted conclusion that doesn't
satisfy the reader! Makes for poor reading! Bad! Plus, poor build up and pacing of
a story such as this, squeezed into a mere six thousand words is bad! Build up is
essential for story like this! Not to mention laps in logic of characters whom also lack
a distinctive character voice that makes reading dialogue incredibly boring! Bad!

Bad writer!

[DuskAndDawn]

615938
Thankyou, I'm genuinely interested to hear your criticism. This is my first fanfic you see, and I'm only a little fledgeling writer with hardly any experience. Your criticism will really help me in writing my next story.

[Sun Chaser]

615947

i.imgur.com/wouBg.png?1?2158

[BoogaBingBangBow]

615789
Oh, didn't see the "Complete" , I do hope you do a sequel. You can't leave people hanging on what will happen with Bon-bon now

[Jaffaarchfiend]

Twilight and the others are helping clear her name. Everything's going to be okay!

*gets to end of the chapter*

Oh buck..what have we done?

[SpikedPunch]

ouch

[DidYouEver]

Ouch.

[MrDynasty]

615979>>615938>>615947 All true, I agree with most things here. It was a pretty slow build up that ended a bit too abruptly. Although, it can slide. Nothing too bad here, and yet, nothing too good. The plot is genius and the execution was slightly obscure. Nothing seems off in this story except for the pacing... and the ending. The ending is cold, very cold. I didn't really like it myself, as this is a story that could have had a better ending. But! I do highly recommend you write an epilogue that clears things up and makes everything happy for everypony. I can think of a couple ideas, but it's up to you really. Some stories require a cold, dark ending that suites it quite well. This is not one of those stories I'm afraid, it has an unbeatable plot and Idea scheme, but it lacks in the one thing that would make this ending actually fit. It lacks precision, you would either need to expand the ending further, to explain it a bit more. Or you could do whatever feels necessary to clear things up. I wouldn’t mind re-writing the ending to maybe try and close up some loose ends. All in all, 7.5/10. I couldn’t decide between 7 and 8. Amazing job, keep up the amazing work and continue to come up with these amazing plot schemes, just try and execute them better and make them longer when you can.

~~~ MrDynasty

[Frostbitten]

i3.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/004/592/my-brain-is-full-of-fuck.jpg
im not ent... what i mean to say is... what the heck man!

[DuskAndDawn]

726187

Care to elaborate?

[Jeta]

Wait... What?
Seriously, what just happened?
.
.
.
What?

[DuctapeAssassin]

that ending! wow! So Sweetie Drops actually fell in-line with Lyra's plan and became her very own psychopath?! I feel this story needs to continue... it just left a cliff-hanger at the end, what happened to Vinyl? Will Sweetie Drops get caught? There is no closure! Dx
3 / 5 stars