I'm a regular 16 year old kid who enjoys reading, writing, music and MLP: FiM in general.
Lyra's relationship with Bon-Bon has lasted years, and their bond has never been stronger. But when Bon-Bon finds out a secret that Lyra has kept locked for all those years, will she be so eager to continue their relationship? This is the story of a mare with the darkest secret in Ponyville history, and an even darker intention.
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NEED TO KNOW!
god dammit man write like your life depends on it!
the waiting is killing me! after... 
iv waited a whole 20 secs! 
please hurry
Perfume? You want it? No bits, no sale. Come back when you're a little mmmmm, richer!
Morshu reference?
590212
I was thinking about that when I wrote that
I like it. Fast paced, but not too fast. Lively and upbeat tempo, and the secret in the room fills e with intrigue. I'm awaiting your next release! Good stuff right here.
590419
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These chapters aren't short. They're the perfect length :)
Good.
So Good.
So So Good.
So So So Good.
I AM MAKING BYRIMAIDNSIAXI DAYGYGAAGAHAHAHHAHUYSGVY7AGSYXVT
Anyway, great story.
Oooooh! Somebody's dead. Sadface. My main reaction is wtf is going on? I'll keep reading...
I liked it, up until the part where Bon-bon (second 'b' is not supposed to be capitalized) finds out about the 'secret'. I understand the concept and I like the idea, but you make the whole event pass so... effortless, that it becomes hard to believe. If you would've had more of a 'battle' between Lyra and Bon-bon it would have been a lot better; that's for sure.
Will keep reading to see where this goes.
591258
Yeah, I can understand your point. This is my first story though
oh no a psycho lyra fic+ well written not really my kind of story wont track it but you get a thumb up keep writing
592723
Don't worry mate, my next planned story is 20% happier and 0% psycho xD
Oh wow. I'm curious to find out why she killed the market pony (I have a very good idea why, though.) And why she kidnapped Colgate.
I have to know what happens next, so you get a track and a like.
holy crap
Crazy little thing called love. Come on, you know you all just read that in the style of the song.
But seriously...
I was hoping for changelings.
OH WELL....
Because you’re my friend, I’m going to spot out some things and give you some constructive criticism. First off, I’d like to say. Amazing, truly amazing. Nor is this a change from the common love fest that is Bon-Bon and Lyra, it’s an entirely different concept all together. Keeping your readers on the edge of their seat is the way to make the story better and them wanting to know more. It could be better, but by a little. Nothing much could really make this any better without it being spoiled or ruined in a sense that is overdoing it. I’m going to point out some (Maybe) mistakes that I saw.
She trotted to the locked door and put the key in it, twisting it in the lock with her teeth.
I know it’s not cannon that Lyra can use magic, but it’s the most simple learning spell, also probably the first they learn in school, and because Lyra came from Canterlot, I can imagine that she went to magic kinder garden.
“Oh, sorry! Heh.” Said Lyra, letting
You seemed to have ended that sequence too fast, letting is not a really good way to end a sentence if you did it on purpose. But I can imagine you accidentally did that because there is no period at the end of that sentence. You might have either, accidentally deleted a sentence, or forgot about it all together.
Also, this is a bit too fast paced. Readable, it just gives off the feeling that you rushed reading it. Nothing wrong with fast paced, but having it fast paced is something that only works in some stories. This is not one of them. Don’t take this as me not liking the story; I’m just giving some support on how to make your story better than it already was.
Also, everyone else, like and favourite this story. It deserves to be in the feature box in my opinion. Looking forward to reading more of your stories, and great job with proofreading my stories for me. Keep up the amazing work.
~~~ MrDynasty
Very well done, couldn't think of a better plot twist than this. I couldn't find any mistakes in both chapter two and chapter three. Also, someone said that Bon-Bon's name only has one capital, but thiat's wrong. Like with our names, we don't put only our first name with a capital. Bon-Bon is her full name, both first and last name. Both require a capital, just saying.
~~~ MrDynasty
damn.
601470
Your head will explode next chapter
601479
if lyra faked her death it will not explode.
plot twist i never saw coming would.
601791
Lol, no, that would be too obvious.
601801
you say that now
601791
Kinda hard to fake dying with a knife sticking out of you...
603062
could have been a prop knife.
and maybe lyra planned out her 'death'
Okay, Im defently having nightmares tonight
603067
How can you have a fake knife when you've already killed someone with it!
605394
ok granted shes gonna have a sore hole in her head and unless the blade when all the way inside, lyra could still live
ouch.
615702
Did your head explode?
615706
ouch.
615706
also ouch.
ouch. Shit's going down now.
615785
That's technically the end of the story. I might make a sequel that shows the events after this, i.e Bon-bon goes totally crazy and stuff.
Seems like a very convoluted conspiracy, and I'm not even sure that would be enough to make someone snap and kill.
It's on very thin ice, but it's a good read at any rate.
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No! Bad writer! Bad convoluted plot! Bad writer!
615856
Thanks for the constructive criticism, I'll use it to improve next time.
615865
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Bad writer! Never create a mystery with a convoluted conclusion that doesn't
satisfy the reader! Makes for poor reading! Bad! Plus, poor build up and pacing of
a story such as this, squeezed into a mere six thousand words is bad! Build up is
essential for story like this! Not to mention laps in logic of characters whom also lack
a distinctive character voice that makes reading dialogue incredibly boring! Bad!
Bad writer!
615938
Thankyou, I'm genuinely interested to hear your criticism. This is my first fanfic you see, and I'm only a little fledgeling writer with hardly any experience. Your criticism will really help me in writing my next story.
615947
i.imgur.com/wouBg.png?1?2158
615789
, I do hope you do a sequel. You can't leave people hanging on what will happen with Bon-bon now 
Oh, didn't see the "Complete"
*gets to end of the chapter*
ouch
Ouch.
615979>>615938>>615947 All true, I agree with most things here. It was a pretty slow build up that ended a bit too abruptly. Although, it can slide. Nothing too bad here, and yet, nothing too good. The plot is genius and the execution was slightly obscure. Nothing seems off in this story except for the pacing... and the ending. The ending is cold, very cold. I didn't really like it myself, as this is a story that could have had a better ending. But! I do highly recommend you write an epilogue that clears things up and makes everything happy for everypony. I can think of a couple ideas, but it's up to you really. Some stories require a cold, dark ending that suites it quite well. This is not one of those stories I'm afraid, it has an unbeatable plot and Idea scheme, but it lacks in the one thing that would make this ending actually fit. It lacks precision, you would either need to expand the ending further, to explain it a bit more. Or you could do whatever feels necessary to clear things up. I wouldn’t mind re-writing the ending to maybe try and close up some loose ends. All in all, 7.5/10. I couldn’t decide between 7 and 8. Amazing job, keep up the amazing work and continue to come up with these amazing plot schemes, just try and execute them better and make them longer when you can.
~~~ MrDynasty
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im not ent... what i mean to say is... what the heck man!