You, the only human in Equestria, have been sent to the Equestrian equivalent of Transylvania to facilitate a real estate transaction with one Countess Dracula. She happens to be an adorable, white, unicorn filly.
This is the first fanfiction I've ever written, and the first story I've written at all since graduating high school.
I hope you like it!
Special thanks to anon for the title, and preliminary feedback.
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This story intrigues me, I shall read it at a later time as it is quite late right now.
Read it, and its still intriguing, although my emotional response was mild at best.
Welshy...
weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/i-see-what-you-did-there.png
On a more serious note, while I usually don't enjoy this kind of story, I found it to be well-written and an interesting story on top of that!
Almost forgot.... FIRST!
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My theory still stands. Sweetie Belle is cute in EVERY form no matter what!!
Reaction when first seen on front page: Vampires? In my ponies? Gimme a sec, gotta grab my whip and boomerang crosses.
Reaction after reading:
This guy is really stupid isn't he? But everything else aside, it wasn't... bad but seriously? The human in this story is dumb as fabric. I gotta say I haven't seen a story with Sweetie Belle as a vampire before so this was kinda nice to read, a bit high with Dawwww levels at parts but not bad all around. My only problem was (take a wild guess) how stupid the guy is in this story. I refuse to say that it's me in the story because HE'S JUST SO DUMB. Although my idea of dealing with vampires involves whips, holy water, and boomerang crosses so that may play a part in it but still, this guy really should have known to NEVER TRUST A VAMPIRE, even more so when they give you alcohol ever. But all my bitching aside not bad, but could have been better.
THIS IS SILLY
589768
I guess the protagonist does seem pretty dumb. I tried to set up his reasons for not being too afraid, like the fact that brushes with supernatural evil happen all the time and are always wrapped up nicely. Plus how impossibly cute Sweetie is. I suppose I could have made things a bit clearer in that department, but you're right. There's really not much justification for getting so comfortable around someone named "Dracula" in a place called "Transylvania" in a world with fantasy creatures like vampires.
This is the first story I've EVER written, pony or not, so it's good to hear criticism like this. I hope to keep writing in the future and to improve. Also, I'm not quite sure why I chose the second person perspective. It just seems abnormally popular with stories starring ®The Only Human in Equestria™. And, I'm sorry, but I couldn't avoid making it extra feely towards the end. It is Sweetie, after all. I'll have to remember not to be so heavy-handed with that kind of stuff.
Thanks for the feedback!
Personally I was all ready for the human to be returning the victims to town only moderately the worse for wear. Perhaps orange-juice and Graham Cracker-like cookies like the Red Cross provides for the mesmerized?
As it is... yeah, she's a monster. Bring on the boomerang crosses.
nice story. will we be seing more stories along this line in the future?
599066
Well, I hadn't considered writing another Sweetie Dracula story, but you never know. At any rate, I hope to write more pony stories in the future.
598534
Well, I hadn't considered that either. I suppose there are several flaws I could have corrected. I'm learning!
599422
I wasn't trying to say it was a flaw in the writing, but if you wanted to create an alternate ending as a second chapter that could be good too.
Ehehehehehe
hehehehehehe
Adorable