Friendship is Exponential

by Flick Mare

BONUS CHAPTER - Never Enough (By Ultra-the-HedgeToaster)

He had achieved maximum friendship on Equus, or close to it. Very nearly every sapient being on the planet was now his friend - yaks, griffons, minotaurs, goats, zebras, caribou, sea-ponies, even the changelings.

Creating a changeling-self using his permanent variant of the amniomorphic spell had been a particularly interesting experience, as changelings shared a form of hive-mind of their own, albeit vastly less efficient.

He had infiltrated most levels of society in every nation, large organization, and group of import. This also meant sending some of his selves to prisons to befriend the inmates, even those sitting in Tartarus.

An interesting challenge - Tartarus rarely saw new prisoners, so he had needed to limit the number of clones he sent; He had reunited Tirek and Scorpan, then worked his way down using Tirek's insight into the other prisoner's personalities.

He had gone into battles to fight for both sides, managing to stock the ranks mostly with his own selves, taking the blows himself to protect others where necessary.

He was proud to see his little ponies, his yaks, griffons, changelings and others - his friends - becoming more and more peaceful through subtle encouragement. Yaks and griffons became allies. Northern Minotauria opened its borders to outsiders. Ponies and changelings made peace.

Equestria, the world, had become a better place.

Then, he had branched out into several parallel universes, creating his own mirror-portals to access them with the assistance of Twilight Sparkle.

Ironically enough, the first universe he had gained access to had provided the biggest challenge - gaining control of the bureaucratic apparatus and forging the population census in the human world. Once past this hurdle, it was a cakewalk.

Eventually, he had even reunited Celestia with her long-lost lover, the King Sombra of another Equestria.

It wasn't enough.

One day, in a conversation with Celestia, she mentioned that Starswirl the Bearded had never made any friends. He had experienced many sad events, and learned to deal with them over the years. Yet somehow, this simple conversation would not leave him alone. Nightmares returned he hadn't had in years. It tore at his many hearts to know that somepony had lived so lonely his entire life.

It wasn't just Starswirl, of course. History was full of sad ponies and bitter changelings that desperately needed a friend.

He could not let this stand! He needed to befriend them!

Mastering time travel spells was a trivial task. However, he almost immediately hit a roadblock - his experiments proved conclusively that time travel was destructive, any change to the past would overwrite the present. This came as a shock. Going back to befriend the ponies of the past meant abandoning the friends he had made here and now!

How could the universe be so cruel?

He could easily have stood at the door to Starswirl's home and literally would not have been able to knock without destroying Equestria as he knew it.

At least paradoxes were a non-issue. A time traveler in the past was no longer part of the present being altered.

This gave him an idea.

"If I can't alter the past without changing the present, I'll just have to take the present with me into the past!"

Thus, he began the construction of a pocket-universe.

Several, in fact.

He'd need many of them. After all, there were about ten thousand years of history to cover...

Author's Note:

An idea by Ultra-the-HedgeToaster concerning the ultimate end-game of Diced Apple's quest for friendship.

Comments

[book_burner]

Wish spells .

[Ultra-the-HedgeToaster]

7497125 Well, he did say everypony.

That means the multiverse, and all of time.

The only thing I skipped was space. Though I also didn't specify the holding capacity of his pocket-universes...

7497106 Indeed!

"Awww, that's so cute / awkward / confusing."

Cuak-ward. Cute-fusing. Cuak-fuse-ward-ing.

[Griseus]

That's some real insane dedication.

[Lesolan - Rest In Peace]

I'm glad this didn't turn into the matrix, with the first being an amazing chapter and the next two leaving you wishing they had never existed.

[bloons3]

Wow I really loved this story. A very original take on an odd concept.

[Cander]

If Friendship is magic then this guy has enough power to literally be the god of friendship. He seems to be on his way to being a friendship singularity.

[Ultra-the-HedgeToaster]

Hmm. Coming back to this, I wonder...

"I knew it! You're seeing other mares!"

"Honey, we talked about this, I can't--"

"You're seeing half a million other mares!!"

[Ultra-the-HedgeToaster]

...Hmmm. Heh, if an outsider found out about his secret, but without knowing the full truth, they'd probably think it was a conspiracy or invasion of the body-snatchers or something.

"They look like your neighbors and co-workers, they act like normal ponies - but in reality, they're hiding something. If they think they're alone, you can see them staring into nothing. They'll deny it, of course - they'll say they were just daydreaming, just lost in thoughts. But I know better. I've learned to recognize the signs. That's, when they're communicating! If one of them learns something, the others will learn it too. They're telepathic space-ponies, you've got to believe me!"

---

8803615
...Imagine the marriage counseling session.

"Honey, please, calm down—"

"THE THERAPIST IS ANOTHER YOU!"

"Well, to be fair, old Love Council went into retirement last year, and I've got seventy-nine degrees in psychology, so—"

"THAT'S IT! I... I'm breaking up with you."

"Oh, honey, I'm sorry—"

"No. No, I'm through with this. I need to see other ponies."

---

LATER, AT THE BAR

"Oh hey there... What's a stallion like you doing in a place like this? "

"Uhm. Still me."

"...OH COME ON, THIS IS THE TWELFTH TIME!"

"Sorry."