2 - Dragon's Tale
“Well, my story starts many years ago when my parents got rather frisky one evening...” I started in on an old classic of missing the point. ‘Does this dress make my butt look big?’ ‘So what were you doing out last night?’ No, princess, I’m not going to hang myself for you... Wonder how long she’ll let me carry on like this? If she wanted specifics of something relevant, she could ask. I wasn’t going to sit here and help her fish for info however.
“Okay, stop.” The Princess of Love rolled her eyes before taking a breath and trying again. “Officially, we learned you existed eight months ago when Princess Luna followed the nightmares of several hundred ponies to Cyrex’s mountain. Where you thwarted her attempt to rescue said ponies.” She continued before I can interject. “Look, our military ponies don’t have a very high opinion of you. ‘An uncontrolled thug on a rampage through our fair nation.’ But I don’t care what those blow hards have to say. You clearly have intelligence and skill or you would not have been beating us at every turn.
“So why don’t you tell me how we actually got into this mess? What happened to put you and Luna at violent odds? What happened in that mountain? Before any of that, what is your name?”
“Friends call me Chad. You call me Silver Legate. For the rest of your questions, we’re going to have to go back a few days before Luna attacked….”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Collaborator, they call me.
Swing (chink). Dig (thunk). Swing (chink). Again.
Swing (chink). Dig (thunk). Swing (chink). Again.
Swing (chink). Dig (thunk). Swing (chink). Again.
Overhand, from the side
Swing the pick till we die
Break the rocks
Free the gems
Silver, they call me.
Swing (chink). Dig (thunk). Swing (chink). Again.
Swing (chink). Dig (thunk). Swing (chink). Again.
Swing (chink). Dig (thunk). Swing (chink). Again.
Mine the ores
Melt them down
Pull the riches from the ground
Enrich the dragon pound by pound
Dragon’s Tail, they call me.
Swing (chink). Dig (thunk). Swing (chink). Again.
Swing (chink). Dig (thunk). Swing (chink). Again.
Swing (chink). Dig (thunk). Swing (chink). Again.
Overhead, from the side
Imagine it was dragonhide
The Dragon’s Tail keeps us here
Mining for our lives.
Swing (chink). Dig (thunk). Swing (chink). Again.
It was the mindlessness of it more than anything else that got to me. Swinging a pick in time with the chant, waiting for the shift to end. At least it was shift with an end instead of work till collapse.
Finally, the horn was blown. Picks stopped swinging. Loose rock was added to carts. Carts were pushed along their tracks for the last time. Heaving a sigh, I carried my pick over to the rack, only to notice the ore cart had been left for me to haul. I took a moment to stare at the cursed thing. Loaded with iron ore and fitted with a hitch that didn’t fit my build, it promised at least another 20 minutes of hard, back breaking work. And I had been on a pony team today. The flighty things weren’t willing to challenge me directly, but passive-aggressive? They were all over that.
No help for it then. Putting myself in the hitch as best I could, I began to pull.
By the time I got the cart to the drop and unloaded, the meal was well under way. I headed for the bath. I didn’t eat with the others. Safer that way. Weekly bathing was mandatory and more often was allowed. I was one of the few who bathed daily.
It was another of the features I’d convinced Cyrex to add. It was almost funny, really. The big evil dragon was more or less one of those idiot kids right out of school with an MBA convinced the best way to help the company was to cut the pay of everyone actually doing the work. Fortunately his greed both overrode his pride, and was tempered by patience. It meant if I could show positive returns on a feature or request, it would be implemented. Limited shifts, sick days, proper meals, and most importantly bathing.
I entered the bath house hoping that he wasn’t there wanting to run some new ‘bright idea’ past me. His bright ideas at the best were terrible. ‘How bout we feed everyone a carnivorous diet? We should go back to using revolters as food.’ I couldn’t keep the disgust off my face at the various remembered conversations. And the implications many of them came with.
I threw my loincloth over the pile of clothes to be laundered and turned to the heated tub. I focused on my amulet for a moment and ended the frost spell that helped keep me cool during the work hours, I wanted the heat. The hot water felt wonderful after a full 10 hours swinging a pick and I allowed myself to slowly sink into the warmth. Just floating there, no work, letting stress and fatigue seep out and float away. I couldn’t just stay there forever, though. There were still things to do.
Directing my will into the amulet had taken some getting used to but by this point I was as capable as any unicorn. I slowly sank to the bottom of the tub and began to freeze the entire thing. Soon a layer of ice inches thick covered the surface. Hidden from view I opened a hidden panel on the side and swam through a channel that run under the closest wall. I froze the water as I went to keep the illusion I was still in the tub. At the end of the channel was another pool that I swam to the surface of.
Surfacing in this natural cave was always a bit dramatic, as I tended to be low on air. A few breaths and a stroke or two and I was climbing out of the water into the dimly lit cave. A towel held in brown magic was floated over to me by the ever helpful Hopeful Dawn. As I dried off, she also took a moment to lay out a proper set of clothes for me, the ones I always wore when attending these clandestine meetings. When I got to be me instead of the object everyone hated.
“Everyone, now is our chance to kill him!” chirped a voice I deeply regretted ever learning.
The griffon came diving at me with little more warning than that shout, but it was all I needed. Spawning my spear in my hands, I did my best impression of a Louisville Slugger and sent the living mass of claws and beak into the wall. A quick inspection of the now dazed bird revealed exactly who I didn’t want it to be.
Geralt.
“My name is Chad. You will use it here.” I said it calmly, which was difficult. Seriously, these moronic bird brains couldn’t figure out a plan if you spelled it out for them. Waiting for the opportune moment, going for a mass attack, not having everyone be half dead and starved just did not compute. If you weren’t doing a full out rebellion at all times, you were a traitor.
I mean, I could respect not giving in, not bowing to fear, not giving up; but this inability get a freaking clue had cost me several times, and almost derailed the current plan to kill Cyrex. What is he doing here? I swear I said no outsiders.
I looked across my fellow conspirators as I dressed, all standing around the table we had scrounged from somewhere: Hopeful Dawn, princess of the ponies; Steely Grasp and his mentor Ol’ Ironsides, Lords of the minotaurs; Duke, Rufus, and Fido alphas of the Diamond Dogs; Gertrude the one random hen I had thought was willing to listen to reason; and now seemingly Geralt, the self-titled emperor of the Griffons.
Considering I’d been debating assassinating him myself, this was not going to be fun.
“Gertrude.” All the menace.
“...uh… He caught on to the meeting and demanded to be part of the plan.” Translation, I am incapable of keeping my beak shut and started bragging to gain status.
“How dare you ignore me, Silver! And all of you, this is our chance. If we get him then Cyrex will know that we will not quietly allow him rule.” I ignored the rest of the squawking. Everyone else here was capable of understanding the situation. Just because I was ‘in charge’ of the mine itself didn’t mean I favored Cyrex. Honestly, I probably hated him more than most did. I let him rant till it became clear Gertrude wasn’t going to shut him up, then froze his beak shut. A gesture to Dawn had the griffon floating back to the table where he was dropped next to the hen.
I walked over to my usual place between Dawn and Ironsides. My two closest confidants and friends down here. Dawn had been willing to trust me from the get go, I was never quite sure on why. But she liked to talk about some idyllic country called Equestria, and since I seemed lost she had offered to help present me to something call Princess Celestia. Which might be a way home, if it really was some kind of all powerful sun god. Ironsides had been far more recalcitrant even though he had come to me. He had forced me to prove my intentions and willingness to listen. Daily meditation, specific challenges, weeks of just observing me whenever he could eventually led to his decision to offer me trust. Later I would learn just how pivotal he was to the minotaurs; I would never of gotten their support without him.
“Alright, Dawn, I believe you have something for us?” Time to get the meeting started since we were on a bit of a time crunch. Cyrex liked to look me up from time to time. Fortunately, he wouldn’t bother trying to get through the ice in the bath tub. Unfortunately, he would wait for me to come out.
Lighting up her horn again, Dawn brought a scroll out from her pack and laid it out. A light spell to help those of who couldn’t see in the dark was also cast.
“It seems the next outbound shipment of gems goes with a caravan in three days.” You could hear the smile in that line.
That is what we had been waiting for. The caravans necessitated bringing a lot of slaves up to haul the goods. And that meant a lot of angry beings ready to launch an attack from close range.
“That’s it, then. Duke, we’ll need the soldiers. All of them. Dawn, I want unicorns brought up as well. Gert..alt. Griffons will be joining me and the minotaurs on the main attack.” Time to lay it out as simply as possible or the birds would end up staring stupidly and then declaring my death again. “The plan goes like this: I will engage Cyrex with Griffons flanking. The goal is not to beat him one on one but rather force him onto the ground or into a wall. Once that happens, we just need to hold him there till the dogs can dig to his location. And then through him.” It was a simple plan.
“As promised. We’s will gets soldiers as hauler instead of females. You sure Cyrex no notice?” Came Duke’s full bodied baritone. Getting the dogs on board had been difficult, but not overly challenging. This mountain had been their home from before Cyrex took over, and they were more than interested in reclaiming their mountain. It had taken time and following their culture to earn their trust. The improvements in living quality that I had gotten in also helped bring everyone around.
“Certain.”
“I assume you want the unicorns for counter spelling. I’ll get the best ones up and ready.” Dawn, ever hopeful and ever on board. The only times she raised complaints was when I overlooked something. Considering she had grown up in here, her parents had made sure she was educated.
The two minotaurs looked at the scroll, glanced to me then Steely Grasp spoke up, “There is no food being delivered on this shipment. And the supplies won’t last another month.” The young lord brought himself up to full stature before giving me a half bow. “When you begin, we shall be there to ensure success. You have earned that much at least.”
And that just leaves them, I sneered as turned to the griffons and released Geralt’s beak.
“I propose we just kill the Dragon’s Tail here and now! Without him Cyrex won’t be able to do the trade. Can’t you all see how he is leading you to your dooms?! Once he gets all of you killed, Cyrex will reward him amazingly.” The sheer smugness in that tone was infuriating. It was however, rather amusing to watch his conviction slowly drain away as none of the others took his side or even acknowledged his outburst. “Have you all been so thoroughly deceived? He is the betrayer. He is the one helping the dragon keep up.” And slowly the tone changed to almost panic. “Well no matter. I will lead the griffons to the death of the Silver and the salvation of all your races after you are all dead. We will have no part in your purge, Silver.” With that, Geralt took wing, heading off, with Gertrude following close behind.
So long as that means you stay out of the way, fine.
I glanced over to Ironsides, “Make sure those birds don’t cause us grief.”
Turning back the table, I found Dawn rubbing her face… cheek… muzzle… whatever against my hand.
“You knew they weren’t likely to help, even before Gertrude gave it away. Geralt would never bow to someone he sees as competition, and the rest are too cowed by this point to tell him off. But enough about them. We also have something else for you,” with that Dawn returned to her original spot, and pulled a large sack from shadows that clanked and chinked before dumping the contents out.
A patchwork suit of armor made of silver. The design was fairly crude but we had to work with what we had. Since my main advantages were flexibility and reach, the armor had been designed to accommodate that. The under suit was fabric with chainmail at the joints. The armor plates that went over the chest and back were hollow with ceramic tiles inside. On the legs and arms, solid bars of silver a quarter inch thick. Combine all of that with defensive ice magic and it really could make the difference. The helmet was a special piece. Solid silver with a tinted glass faceplate. With it on, my face was invisible while not inhibiting my ability to see. It probably wouldn’t last more than one battle but that should be all I needed. I couldn’t resist the smile that grew across my face.
I looked up to the others, “For Freedom!”
“FOR FREEDOM!” they responded.
Three days, and then we are free.
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At least they will have plenty of dragon meat until they can get more supplies.
So if they do succeed in killing this dragon, what is stopping another rival dragon from swooping in?
Interesting... I have an idea how things might go, so this should be very interesting indeed. Looking forward to the next chapter!
So the dragon shps out some of the production rather than keep it all for his personal horde, and ending slavery here leads to war with equestria.
I bet 1 cookie that the shippments go to equestria.
So the ponies are normal, but given the last chapter the changeling is anthro. So he also has the Alicorn Amulet and a bunch of other things going on. Gotta say that:
memecrunch.com/meme/4EHUX/you-had-my-curiosity-now-you-have-my-attention/image.png?w=499&c=1
Very fun! I want to fan art!
Interesting. I think I'm going to burrow under this story, track where it goes.
Very cool. O wanna see where this goes. Tracking.
You must be fucking kidding me.
6612261
So what? How many times have fimfic writers used Alex or Anon? You can fill the state of Rhode Island with those humans-in-Equestria.
6612272
You know how many times those have been good?
Here's a hint: this story didn't shift that ratio positively.
6612279
6612216
It's much too early to say where this character is going and I, for one, prefer names that haven't been overused (and haven't found the name chosen to have any relevance to how good the story is)
6612304
No. No it's not.
This is another piece of forgettable trash that is sadly going to become immensely popular among Fimfic's general population of extremely stupid people.
Or do you want to tell me that yes, this story is likely to have well-thought-out, deep characters with engaging personalities and interesting stories? Do you mean to say that the main character is not a massively overpowered self-insert whose only actual struggle throughout this story will be a half-assed edgefest that will have no effect on character growth? Do you think I should give it a chance based on its merit as one of the countless effluvial "
authorhuman is persecuted by THE MAN, gets a party of uninteresting characters together for his cheer squad, and saves the day from everything with no consequences" stories that have infested this site since its inception?Because I think you're full of fucking shit if you do.
6612261
6612216
Well I suppose the adage that you can't please everyone will always apply. I hope you find stories more inline with you sensibilities elsewhere. For what it's worth, we are only on chapter 2, and I don't see how a Robocop reference guarantees the story will be horrible.
6612159
Gasp. Glad you are interested. Hope I live up to your expectations.
6611793
6612019
6612029
There is quite a lot going on, but then again we have started at the end and jumped to the start so stuff is all scattered around. We'll have to see what goes right and what goes wrong to bridge these points.
Toast: On the subject of species, I hope that was clear. Let me know if I need to be more explicit.
Thanks for reading and commenting.
6612098
6612217
Thanks for the comments. The fun is just beginning.
6612305 He's already claimed to have fought on par with the Sisters. He's leading a military campaign against an established and prosporous nation. Any military failings are clearly not due to his own might, and he's already demonstrated a clear understanding of the logistics needed not to be an idiot throwing away soldiers and supplies in blatantly foolish ventures. He's already a lock for the mary sue category. The only question is if he did something sufficiently monumentally stupid to make Equestria regard him as a threat or if it's a simple misunderstanding. Take a look at the tone of his musings and especially his assessment of Cadence and tell me the answer to that question isn't obvious.
6612393 Pattern matching. Missed the reference, but that speaks to your tastes which supports the pattern.
This is interesting and I would like to see where this leads to.
6612477
Yeah without some background to state how he got here (further) than what we have or if he experiences failures I gotta say the main character is charging for a Mary Sue award.
6612333
6612477
I'm not saying it's demonstrated itself to not be a mary sue self insert, but there is plenty of potential here.
First off, they're trapped in their mine in the first chapter with only diplomacy being the way to avoid their complete slaughter. Second, he's not necessarily on par with a (most likely single) princess, he just showed that he'd been injured by Luna and all we know right now is he survived.
This story may not be something you'll enjoy, but it has not yet demonstrated itself to be a self insert. I see potential and, when I see a legitimate problem, I will give criticism that will allow the problem to be fixed rather than useless character attacks.
What does the title mean?
6613604
The title means "Frozen Silver" and is in Latin (as best I could approximate with google translate).
6613614 oh ok! Cool! Also seeing how I have your attention I was confused about something.
Is this Anthro? You described Orchid with more...womanly features. Did I read that wrong?
6613618
I was worried I hadn't been totally clear there.
Chad is human.
Orchid has taken an "anthro" form.
Everyone else is show standard.
6613629 No no no. It was clear it also explains her lack of grace, on unsteady legs. It was unclear because you never said that the ponies weren't.
(Did she do that for him?)
I like the story keep it going!
6613552 I never said self insert. In addition to the scar from Luna, he's also gone 2v2 with the sisters and walked away with a sore back.
You say this is too early to tell where this is going. This almost went on my watch list because I almost agree, but then I dug deeper. What was said, how was it said? Let me see if I can't give it a shot.
Chad's revolt and Luna's rescue attempt are concurrent and at least one group opens fire. Top choice is Geralt screaming about how Chad is working for whoever, second most likely is Luna's archaic, royal, I-am-in-charge-and-unquestionable attitude setting Chad off, third is Chad's possession of the Alicorn Amulet sets Luna off. After your shot heard round the world, the two groups fight and Luna's forces, already depleted from their rescue attempt, are forced to withdraw.
The next encounter is with Twilight or Cadance, almost certainly Twilight. She comes either alone or with her friends to try and act diplomatically. If the Alicorn Amulet hasn't been revealed yet, it will be now. Twilight comes off as a know-it-all and demands he hand over the Alicorn Amulet, which is evil and corruptive. If her friends are there, Rainbow is holding the idiot ball and cutting her off from making a clear explanation. Chad replies to the tune of the amulet being a tool, good or evil depending on the wielder, and decries the ponies as superstitious, authoritarian, or liars with a load of propaganda. The idiot ball now gets passed to Applejack. Either at this encounter or when conversing with his ponies later, Chad is made aware of the meaning of Princess of Friendship, and the Elements of Harmony, and possibly the cleansing of Nightmare Moon and reformation of Discord. He labels it as mind control magic and categorizes the entire diplomatic venture as a covert attack on his will and/or identity.
After this predictions get fuzzy, but logistics don't. He's leading an army of foreign slaves and they need to eat, and he's been declared an enemy of one of the only prosperous nation he knows about. His army marches across Equestria, pillaging farms and stealing whatever supplies they need. He justifies it as survival, but it only cements the Equestrian label of a dark lord type character.
After that I got nothing. The statement of a Water Shard suggests instead of wandering from farm to farm, he'll direct his forces in a quest to gain objects of power, either to aid in their defense or effect an escape. He knows nomadic warband isn't a viable lifestyle and he wants to go home without dooming his people without his ubermagic to protect them.
If I'm anywhere close to hitting the nail, then I stand by my assessment. If I'm not, well this is the least objectionable scenario I came up with. Useful criticism is a grand thing, but sometimes the problem can't be fixed. The only way this story goes is "Equestria is fighting an unjust war" and your set up with a slave revolt means that the idiot ball needs to be passed around the Princesses for that to happen. That's an "only sane man" mary sue fic. And the only way to fix that is to strip the story to its foundations, because that's where the problem is. I've yet to encounter an author that took "write a different story instead" as useful criticism. Leaving a downvote and moving on is an option, but that hardly leaves any kind of meaningful feedback at all. I know exactly why I consider this bad writing and I lose nothing for leaving a critique, so why shouldn't I? There's no taboo against leaving a dissenting opinion, and if there is then there shouldn't be.
On a side topic, I haven't once attacked anybody. Unless you count Chad, but he's fictional. I am offended by your accusation and require an apology.
6614086 there is criticism like ryvaken is giving. And there is being a troll. Goodbye.
6613820
I'll start off with the apology; I combined two responses into one (note that incoherent heresy's post was also tagged) and his was the one that was attacking.
Yes, some stories don't have a good enough idea to be worth continuing and a comment is better than a mystery downvote, but right now, there are many ways to keep your predictions from coming true. Chad and Luna can be the only ones holding the idiot ball, leaving Celestia, Cadance, and Twilight misinformed. Also, just because Chad is thinking things doesn't mean the author is going to have those things be true.
But I'm sure Genius is glad to have your negative predictions. I know I would like to have comments like that on my stories so that in case I was planning one of them, I'd be able to avoid it.
6614679
6614128 Thanks. I really do wish you luck. It's...very rare for an author to actually take the time to read criticism this detailed, and it only cements my assessment. You're painting your settings and using details brilliantly. What you have is so very well written that I hope you keep writing. You have skill and talent that easily puts you among the best writers I've come across.
Keep up the good work.
Is this story dead?
6842260
Blame inexperience.
No, but I am new to writing and have a full time job and put this out just before the holidays
I am aiming to have a chapter 3 up soon and with a much shorter delay to 4.
6842446 don't feel bad at all! I liked the story and wanted more of it. I look forward to further chapters
6842476 I feel the same way.
6842446
continue , rewrite, or cancel, pick one, don't just leave a story unfinished for years without giving a reason for doing so, if this comment is rude, sorry not sorry, this needed to be said