• Published 29th Mar 2015
  • 7,800 Views, 739 Comments

My Name Is Floyd Damn You! - shagohad12



A young man named Floyd is trapped inside of Pinkie Pie, and goes on a quest to find himself.

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Shale in: The Pie That Wasn't

“Ugh, will you get up already!?” Limestone’s voice calls out before my covers are pulled off me. I curl up, shivering. “Look, just get up already!”

“I dun wanna...” I whine, covering my head with my hooves.

“Get up already!” Limestone nearly shouts, making me whimper a little. All she ever does is yell, it’s not nice.

“Limestone.” Maud speaks up and I peek out from under my leg. She’s standing in the doorway to my room. Pinkie and Marble aren’t here, they're probably downstairs eating breakfast. “There’s no need to yell at Shale.”

“You deal with her!” Limestone snorts, pushing past Maud. “I have to get ready for school.” Maud watches her for a moment before making her way over to me, sitting down next to my bed.

“Are you okay?” she asks, holding a hoof out, offering me a hug. I take it, snuggling into her fur.

“Yeah...” I nod, looking up at her. “Why is she so mean?”

Maud shrugs before leaning down, nuzzling my head. “I know she can be mean, but she does care about you.”

“If you say so...” I look down, sighing a little.

“Come on.” Maud pulls away, getting down so I can get on her back. “We need to get you ready for school.”

“Do I have to...?” I ask with a frown. I don’t want to go to school. Why can’t Mama just teach me?

“Come on now, everypony has to go to school.” Maud nudges me and with a pout, I climb onto her back, getting comfy. Once she knows I’m not going to fall off, she trots downstairs.

“Hi Shale.” Pinkie looks up from the table, her mouth full. The smell of pancakes wafts over to my nose and my tummy growls. Marble mumbles a good morning,

“Hi Pinkie.” I wave back as Maud sets me in a chair. She gives me another nuzzle before moving to help Mama.

“Good morning, Shale.” Mama moves over, placing a plate of pancakes in front of me.

“Morning, Mama.” I lean down, starting to eat. We eat quietly, like we always do. It’s always so quiet.

“Maud, would you be so kind as to drop your sisters off at school this morning?” Mama asked. Whenever Papa isn’t around, she talks normal, but whenever he is, they both talk all funny. When I asked her why, she just smiled and kissed my head.

“Sure, Ma.” Maud nods, taking her seat. We all eat in silence and I’m glad Limestone isn’t here yet. She always ruins breakfast.

I take a few bites of my pancake, Mama is a great cook. Just don’t tell her I don’t like the rock soup. I look up at her, swallowing a bite of pancake. “Mama?”

“Yes, Shale?” she asks, looking over at me. I gulp a little, looking down at my plate, poking at my pancake.

“Mama... do I really have to go to school?” I don’t look up at her, already knowing the answer. It’s not fair, I don’t want to go. School sounds stupid.

“Now Shale, we’ve been over this,” Mama sighs, putting her fork down. “Everypony has to go to school. How else are you supposed to get anything into that little head of yours?”

I frown, looking up at her. Why can’t you just learn by eating? That way no one has to go to school.

“You want to get smart, don’t you?” Mama asks, to which I nod. “Then you have to go to school.”

“But...” I protest, my frown deepening.

Mama shakes her head firmly. “No buts. Shale, you are going to school and that's final.” I look down at my plate and take another bite of my pancake. I really don’t want to go but... no one argues with Mama... well, except for Limestone, but she’s just a meanie head.

I finish up, just sitting there quietly. I look at Pinkie and Marble, seeing that they had finished up eating as well.

“I’ll get the girls ready for school.” Maud got up from her seat, gently slipping her head under me. I slide down onto her back, holding onto her neck. “Come on Pinkie, Marble.” They nod obediently, following after her as she trots out of the kitchen. We walk out into the den and Maud drops me off on the couch.

“Get your saddlebags, girls,” Maud instructs, moving over to the closet and pulling out another one that’s my size. I’ve tried it on before, it used to be Limestone’s, and my other sisters used it too when they were little. “Hold still, please.” I do as she asks, wanting to do my best for my big sister. She slips the bags onto me, making sure they’re secured. “How is that? Is it too heavy?”

“It’s okay, Maud.” I look up at her, giving a tiny smile. She returns it, helping me down onto the floor.

“Outta my way,” Limestone snorts, pushing past Pinkie and Marble, knocking Marble over. Maud glares at her, moving over to Marble, who was sniffling a little.

“Come on Shale, it’s time to go.” Maud helps Marble up, then opens the door for us. I trot out after Pinkie and Marble, my heart beating in my ears.

“I like it when you take us to school Maud.” Pinkie jumps into the cart, getting comfy. Marble gets on after her, leaving just me, staring up at it. I’ve ridden in the cart before but... never to school...

“Up you go.” Maud lifts me up and places me in the cart, making sure to put the gate up. She trots around to the front, hooking herself up. She starts to pull us along, the only sounds being that of the cart wheels and her hooves on the dirt road. I put my hooves over the railing, watching as the scenery rolls by. After a while, I look up, seeing what I guess is he schoolhouse coming into view. Maud slows down to a crawl, unhooking herself from the cart. She lets us out, with Pinkie and Marble heading off, waving at us. I wave back before turning to Maud

“Where do we go now?” I ask, looking up at her. She smiles, leading me inside the building.

“You’re lucky, Shale.” She looks down at me, not losing her smile, “You have my old kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Shroud.”

“Is she nice?” I ask, walking beside her, sticking close as other ponies walk by.

“The nicest teacher you’ll ever have.” We stop at an open doorway, peering inside. There were already other foals in the room, and a silver unicorn at the front. She looks up at us, a smile spreading across her face.

“Maud, dear, is that you?” the unicorn asks, trotting over. “I haven’t seen you in years! How has my favorite student been?”

“Good.” Maud nods, gently pushing me into the unicorn’s view. She smiled more, her eyes locking onto me.

“And who is this little cutie?” I blush, looking down at my hooves.

“This is my little sister Shale,” Maud introduces me. “And this is her first day of school.”

“Oh my! Well, isn’t that something. I’m Mrs. Shroud, and I’m going to be your teacher. I promise we’re going to have lots of fun!” She smiles, returning her gaze to Maud. “I’ll let you two say goodbye. Shale, you can pick any seat you want when you're done.” She returns to her desk, leaving just me and Maud.

“Hey, don’t worry, you’ll love school.” Maud leans down, nuzzling me. “You trust me, right?”

“Uh huh.” I nod, returning her nuzzle, only to pout when she pulls away.

“You go take your seat, I have to get to class. I’ll see you at after school, alright?”

“Okay Maud...” I nod, watching as she turns and walks out of the room. I move over to a seat off in the corner, managing to get my saddlebags off. I sit there for a moment before looking up at Mrs. Shroud, who’s smiling brightly at us. I smile back. Maybe school won’t be so bad...


“Floyd!?”

“Huh...?” I ask sleepily, opening my eyes. Judging by the meager light coming in from the window, the sun was only just starting to rise. Without even giving me a chance to wake up at all, Pinkie gets in my face, her eyes full of a mix of worry and relief.

“Floyd! You're awake! Where were you! I was so worried!”

What are you talking about? I’ve been right here the whole time.

“Nuh uh.” Pinkie shakes her head, sitting down next to me. “When we went to sleep I went to our normal dream place, but you weren’t there!”

I blink a few times, sitting up, letting the covers fall off me. That's right, I wasn’t... I had that really weird dream....

“What kind of dream was it? Did you dream about falling? Or did you have one of those ‘wet’ dreams?” Pinkie asks, full of innocence.

No Pinkie, nothing like that. I shake my head a few times. It was... I frown, trying my best to explain it. It was like I was back at the Rock Farm but... in the past...

“Like time travel?”

No it was... I was a little filly, you and the rest of the Pie family called me Shale, and it was my first day of kindergarten...

“Really?” Pinkie asks, blinking. “That's a really weird dream. Weirder than that dream I had about a giant cupcake trying to eat me...”

I honestly had no idea Limestone was that much of a bitch.

“Hey! You take that back! Limestone is a good pony!”

Good ponies don’t scream at and shove small children.

Pinkie’s eyes go wide and she raises a hoof to her suddenly open mouth. “Y-you saw that...?”

Yes, Pinkie, I did. The dream started with her screaming at me to wake up, and I saw her pushing you and Marble around.

Pinkie sighs, looking down at her hooves. “Limestone wasn’t the best big sister growing up...” She looks at Maud’s sleeping form. “Maud was always there to keep us safe.”

Weird thing is, I was the baby of the Pie family. I shake my head, letting out a yawn. It doesn’t really matter now Pinkie, it was just a weird dream. Anyway, I’m going back to sleep.

“Alright, sleep tight Floyd.”

You too, Pinkie. I lay my head back down, closing my eyes. I groan as I hear Maud starting to stir in her bed. So much for more sleep... I crack an eye open and spot Maud, frockless, sliding out of bed and stretching her limbs out.

“Geez Maud.” I cover my eyes up, letting out a fake gasp. “What would Mother think if she saw you in such a state!?”

“Mother?” Maud questions, though I can’t see her expression.

“Yeah, you know, Cloudy Quartz.” I move my arms, sitting up again.

“But why did you call her ‘Mother’?” Maud asks, raising her eyebrow.

“It was a joke, Maud.” I raise my eyebrow back at her and we just stare at each other for awhile.

“But you said ‘mother,’ not ‘your mother’, implying that she’s your mother too.” I just stare at her as that bit of information worms its way into my mind.

“Now you're just nitpicking...” I grumble, crossing my arms.

“Floyd... tell her...” Pinkie prods, sitting on the bed next to me. Ugh, fine.

“I had... a dream last night, Maud... it was weird... Pinkie wasn’t there... well she was but... not there there.” I start to explain. Maud blinks before trotting over, taking a seat next to me.

“What was the dream about?” she asks, blinking again.

“Well... we were back at the rock farm, but you and your sisters were all kids again. I was there too but...”

“But?” Maud asks, gesturing for me to keep going.

“I was there, but I wasn’t me. I was a little filly, you and the others called me Shale...” I pause, noting Maud’s eyes widening ever so slightly. “That doesn’t mean anything to you... does it?”

Maud just shook her head. “No. But tell me if you have any more dreams like that, OK?” she says, sliding off the bed and moving back over to hers. She pulls another frock out of her saddlebags and slips it on. Yes, she seriously is one of those ‘one outfit forever’ kind of people.

“So... breakfast?” I ask, getting out of bed and stretching out.

“You have to get dressed first.” Maud blinks at me.

“Huh...?” I ask her, tilting my head in confusion. She points to the nightstand where I placed my feathers for the night. I decide not to question her, putting them back in my mane. We pack up our stuff, heading down to the inn’s dining room for our last meal in Appleloosa.

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