• Published 29th Mar 2015
  • 7,800 Views, 739 Comments

My Name Is Floyd Damn You! - shagohad12



A young man named Floyd is trapped inside of Pinkie Pie, and goes on a quest to find himself.

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Floyd In: The Town That Dreaded Sunrise Part 2

“Not sure what I was expecting.” I step out of the hotel, gazing around the mostly empty streets. I don't know why I thought this place would liven up during the day. In fact, it’s dead, besides the few ponies shuffling around.

“You know, I think we should have waited until we got to Fillydelphia.” Blueblood frowns, taking in our surroundings. “I don't think this will be much of a date.”

“Don't worry about it.” I wave off his concern. “Lets just go exploring and see what we can dig up.” I smile at him, trotting out into the town. We trot through the town, taking in all the Gothic architecture. It's really just amazing, it's giving me that old 1930’s horror movie feel. “You know, if the ponies here were more friendly, this place would be neat.”

“I'll have to disagree.” Blueblood puts on a critical face. “This place is pretty depressing. I much prefer Canterlot's style.”

“Oh please, it's way too gaudy,” I counter, rolling my eyes. “You got no appreciation for the dark beauty of the Gothic styling.”

“Gaudy?” Blueblood scoffs indignantly. “I assure you my lady, Canterlot is the pinnacle of Equestrian architecture!”

“You.” I reach out to poke his chest, causing him to stumble back. “Need to relax. It's just some buildings, man.”

“Man?” Blueblood asks, composing himself. “I’m not familiar with the term.”

“It's the term for a male human, the female term being woman,” I explain, coming to a stop in front of a large cathedral. “I didn't think ponies worshipped like that.”

“We normally don’t.” Blueblood stops next to me, looking up at the majestic building. “Our religion is very personal, so we don't need places of worship like other races.”

“I did not know that.” I frown, looking at the structure. It’s giving me horrible vibes man, just looking at it makes my skin crawl. “Let's keep moving.” I tear myself away, moving further into town. “You know, like legit, this place would make a great horror setting.”

“I assume you mean like in a film?” Blueblood asks, making sure to stay at my side. I blink before realizing that I hadn't told Bluey about my chosen field of study.

“I can't believe this hasn't come up yet, but yeah.” I nod vigorously. “Before all this nonsense, I was going to school to become a director.”

“Really?” Blueblood perks up, looking at me. “What are movies like in your world?”

“Way more advanced.” I give a sagely nod. “We got color, the ability to add in things later, high definition.” I keep the bragging short, not wanting to confuse him. “I’ve been wanting to make horror movies since I was a kid.”

“That's a bit... morbid,” Blueblood says carefully.

“Nah man, nothing wrong with a good scare.” I smile, feeling the urge to sing welling up in my chest. “Tender lumplings everywhere, Life's no fun without a good scare~” I do a little spin, thankful I don't belt out the whole song. “It's fun to be scared, Bluey, that adrenaline rush when something spooks you, the little trembling feeling afterward. I love it all.”

“I guess it's not too different from enjoying Nightmare Night.” He smiles back. “Do you still plan on pursuing your dream?”

The question catches me off guard and I stare at the ground for a few moments. “I... have no idea,” I answer honestly. “I’ve been living in the moment since I got here. I haven't even given any input of how I want my new body to look like.”

“You could always send my aunt a letter,” Blue suggests with a smile, “I make it a point to always travel with a dragonfire candle. As the name implies, it has the same enchantment as Spike.”

“You know, that's not that bad an idea.” I smile, thinking on the possibilities. “I think I’d make a good strix.”

“You'd be nocturnal,” Blueblood comments.

“I can work with that.” I wave him off, poking at where my fangs would be. “I'll be the world's best horror director.” My smile turns into a devious smirk. “And since Earth copyright laws don't apply here, I can plagiarize my ass off and have no worries.”

“That sounds highly unethical.”

“If you chose to look at it that way.” I shake my head. “I was kinda making a joke, but, I think I'd enjoy adapting human fiction for ponies.”

Blueblood stops, holding his hoof out to get me to stop.

“What?” I blink, frowning a little. “I said I was kidding.”

“Not that.” He shakes his head, pointing down the street. I adjust my gaze and we watch a group of diamond dogs make their way toward a rather nondescript building. The two beefy ones are sporting rather rough looking armor, while the third, taller one is decked out in gold and rather nice robes. I nudge Blue in the side, moving out of sight.

Peeking over a barrel, we watch the tall one knocks on the door. It opens just a crack and after a heated discussion, they move inside.

“That looks important,” I whisper to Blueblood, lowering myself as low to the ground as I can get, making my way toward the building.

“Floyd!” Blueblood hisses, watching me in horror. “What are you doing?!”

“Getting some info. Now stop being a bitch and follow me.” He snorts indignantly, dropping to the ground and crawling after me. We situate ourselves under a window, straining our ears to listen.

“You do realize, white and bright pink don”t make for good camouflag-” I shove my hoof into his mouth, making a shushing motion with my other one.

“...If you're looking for more slaves, a few more tourists just came into town. I can have them ready by tomorrow evening,” a young masculine voice speaks, getting our attention.

“Save your sales speech,” a deep, commanding voice spoke, a loud thump filling the air. “We have the object.”

“Excellent!” the first voice beams. “Let me have a look at it.”

“This was a hard one to find,” the older voice recounts. “Your coven’s old keep was buried deep underground. I lost several good dogs during the excavation.”

“Tragic, now let me-”

Something slams shut, making us both flinch.

“Not just yet,” the second voice scolds. “Bring us the orb.”

“Come now Adjule.” A shudder runs down my spine the name ringing in my ears. This is just swell, Equestria's enemy at large is in the same town as me, ain't that just grand. “If we were going to betray you would we really be having this meeting during the day?”

“Spare me the banter,” Adjule growls. “Just bring me the orb so we can complete our dealings. I have better things to do than carrying on with blood suckers.”

The younger voice hisses back. “You are lucky I like you, mutt. Go, bring us the damn orb and hurry up!”

The sound of galloping hooves fills the air and, sensing a lull in the conversation, I turn to Blueblood. I meet his annoyed glare with a sheepish smile, removing my hoof from his mouth.

“At least we know what happened to the missing ponies,” I whisper, gesturing at the window.

“Yes, yes, but if we don't get out of here, they’ll be adding another two ponies to those statistics!” he hisses in a harsh whisper.

A noise down the street catches our attention and we watch as a pony steps out onto the street. Grateful that they haven't seen us yet, I grab Blueblood and drag him around the building and into the alley. It's not all that spacious, certainly not enough for us to stand side by side. The only real notable feature is a box at the end of the alley... but, judging by the way its shimmering, it’s totally a 'shortcut’ to somewhere.

“Floyd!” Blueblood snaps, his voice rising. “This is a very bad idea!” I shush him again, pointing up at the window. The sound of hooves reaches our ears and the deal resumes.

“The orb,” the young voice says, and I can picture the smirk on his face, “as promised.”

“Is it genuine?” Adjule asks.

“What do you think? Of course it's genuine,” the young voice scoffs. “Now, slide me the chest and I’ll pass you the orb.”

“Fine,” Adjule grunted. The dual sound of wood against wood and something rolling over wood filled my ears. Reminds me of playing marbles with Jason... No, bad Floyd, pay attention!

“Ah!” the young voice sucks in air excitedly. “This is perfect! Now we can fina-”

“I believe this concludes our business,” Adjule interrupts, not interested in the least by Young's babbling. “We’ll be taking our leave.”

“Fine.” Young snorts, slamming the container shut. “The train leaves in three hours. I expect you to be on it.”

“Of course, I'd hate to get your stench on me.” Adjule sniffs the air to make his point. “Something smells.”

“Oh, what is it now?” Young asks, sounding exasperated. “Will you just get out of here?”

“I can smell that stench those Canterlot fools call perfume,” Adjule countered. It’s Blue’s turn to meet my glare with a sheepish grin. Hearing movement toward the door, I grab Blueblood, dragging him toward the box.

“Blueblood, I need you to trust me. Close your eyes.”

“What? Why?”

“Just do it!”

“Fine, fine.” He does so and I pull in a breath. I really hope this works. I dive into the box, pulling Blueblood in with me. Wait... I have no idea where this leads. ...Fuck.


“This place isn't so bad,” Cheese commented as he and Pinkie trotted in what looked like an abandoned garden. They had been wandering most of the morning, chatting about whatever caught their fancy.

“Yeah, it's got some really nice flowers.” Pinkie leaned down, taking a whiff of one. One would think a projection had no sense of smell, but Pinkie Pie found a way.

“We should have brought a picnic basket.” Cheese laid down, watching Pinkie walking around. “Oh yeah, you can't eat right now. My bad.”

“Don't worry about it, Cheese.” Pinkie waved him off. “I eat whatever Floyd eats. And she eats a lot!” Pinkie hunkered down next to him, grass and wildflowers phasing through her.

“Think the ponies here would like a party?” Cheese asked. He gestured to one of the town's residents, who shambled about rather aimlessly.

“We could try, but I get the feeling that might not go over well.” She didn't say it, but her Pinkie sense had been going crazy ever since they had come into town.

“I know my Cheesy sense has been going bonkers and not in the good way.” Cheese held out a hoof, which was quivering almost uncontrollably. “Hey, does Floyd have a Floyd sense?”

Pinkie gave a thoughtful pout, rubbing her chin. “Well, my other sisters have one. Floyd’s got a little of me inside her so, she might develop one at some point. Since Luna separated our minds, Floyd doesn't have the Pinkie sense.”

“Oh.” Cheese nodded. “That makes perfect sense!”

They held their cool for a few beats before the two of them burst out laughing. A few townsponies looked in their direction, but in a moment or two, shifted their focus back to whatever they were already doing.

“I bet I look totally loony right now!” Cheese let his guffawing fade into a few chuckles, a content look on his face.

“Toys in the attic, you are crazy~” Pinkie sang, closing her eyes. “Truly gone fishing~”

Cheese frowned, looking at her. “That sounds like a sad song.”

“Yeah, it is.” Pinkie nodded. “It's a human song. It just came to mind ya know?”

“You okay?” Cheese asked, reaching out to touch her arm. Neither of them noticed when his hoof didn't phase through her.

“Yeah, I’m just... worried, is all,” Pinkie explained. She rolled onto her back, looking up at the sky. “Floyd and I have been living in the moment. We haven't been together all that long but...I dunno how we’ll cope with being separated.”

“I don't think that’ll be a fun experience at all,” Cheese agreed, nodding his head. “When did you get so introspective?”

“I guess I've always been like this.” Pinkie shrugged. “Before I got my cutie mark I got depressed a lot.” She absentmindedly rubbed her arm, feeling a twinge of phantom pain. “It... got bad. If it wasn't for Maud...” She let the thought hang, taking the moment to compose her thoughts. “When I did get my cutie mark, I kinda thought it was gone. But then one time I thought my friends were avoiding me and I... replaced them with inanimate objects.”

“'Whoa, that is bad,” Cheese responded.

“Yeah, and I think Floyd got a good helping of that bad stuff.” Pinkie sat up, a determined look on her face. “That's why, from now on, I'm gonna be strong for my baby sister!”

“That's the spirit!” Cheese cheered, breaking out the kazoo. “I was getting worried you'd be stuck in the dumps. I’d have to break out the mandatory fun if that happened.”

“I think the poodle hat would have worked better,” Pinkie countered, sharing a grin with him.

“Nah, I'm having too much of a bad hair day for that.” They stared at each other for the longest time before starting to furiously make out. Anyone without the Gift or an enchanted moonstone just saw a crazy stallion making kissing sounds and groping at the air.

Across town, Maud stopped her sample collecting, turning to stare in a seemingly random direction. She narrowed her eyes ever so slightly. Cheese Sandwich was officially on her dirt list.

“You feel that?” Cheese asked, his teeth chattering.

“Eh, it’s nothing.” Pinkie coaxed him back into the make out session, oblivious to the coming earthquake.


I land with an oof, faceplanting on the cold hard ground. Blue lands on top of me, nearly hitting me in the face with his junk.

“Blue,” I say, my tone sickly sweet. “Would you mind not poking me in the face with your dick?”

“Oh!!” he jumps off of me, sounding rightly embarrassed. I raise my eyebrow, noting how dark his cheeks have become and how he’s squeezing his back legs together.

“Relax.” I hold a hoof out, standing up. “It was an awkward accident. Just think about the manatee.”

“The what?” Blue asks, blinking owlishly. I smile, patting him on the head.

“Exactly.” I leave Blue in his confused stupor, taking in our surroundings. Using my extensive knowledge of movie sets, I can deduce that we are, in fact, in a dungeon. “So much for this shortcut. Didn't take us anywhere useful. In the slightest.”

“How did we even get here anyway? I don't think we fell through the ceiling.” Blueblood looks up at the ceiling, searching for a hole. “And unless you're a secret unicorn, we didn't teleport here.”

“Look, I don't understand how this stuff works okay?” I turn back to him, frowning. “I can just do... Things. When I see a ripple in the world, I just know it's a shortcut to somewhere else. I doubt Cheese and Pinkie know how it works either and trying to understand it will most likely make you lose your mind.”

“That's rather dire,” he points out, meeting my gaze.

“Yeah, I know it is.” I nod in agreement. “Let's try and find our way out of here. I really don't want to meet either of those guys.” I peek down the hallway, seeing several cells on either side. A pair of torches hang to either side of each door, bathing the place in flickering light.

“I feel like Daring Do,” Blue says, taking the lead. I dunno if he’s just trying to be macho or what, but there’s definitely a puff to his chest.

“Aren't you afraid to scuff a hoof?” I tease, peering into each of the cells as we walk past. “Hey make sure to check each of these doors man, missing ponies remember?”

“Just because a stallion takes pride in his appearance does not make him prissy,” he huffs, sounding rather defensive. I clear my throat, snapping him out of it. “Er right, check the cells.”

We both take a side, checking each cell we come across. They all seem empty, though at least one had a skeleton in it. It looked like whoever it was had been digging their way through the back wall.

“You can do it, skeleton,” I whisper, hoping to motivate them into finishing their escape. I move away from the door, turning my attention to the last cell. It was nestled into the corner, its torches burning blue.

“If I had to guess, blue means occupied.” Blueblood trots up to the door, taking a look inside.

“Well? Is someone in there or not?” I stand beside him, trying to look in. Letting out a frustrated grunt, I push Blue out of the way, taking a good look. Curled up in the corner is a sickeningly thin changeling.

“You could have just waited,” Blue protests indignantly. “I would have moved. By Faust, my lady, you need to work on your manners.”

“Hey,” I call out to the changeling. “You alive?” The changeling jumps up, obviously startled. In the dim light, I can make out several cracks in their shell, and despite their size, they appear to have normal eyes.

“I've already told you everything I know. Please, just let me out,” the ‘ling begs, their distorted voice making it hard to tell their gender.

“Relax, okay,” I assure giving my best reassuring smile. “We’re gonna get you out of there.” I choose to ignore Blueblood’s frantic headshake. “What's your name?”

“My name is Jason,” the ‘ling replies and I freeze up. There's no way in hell that's my Jason. The universe isn't that cruel to trap two of us here. But what if it is? Deciding to settle my mind, I ask another question.

“Jason what?”

“Jason Hughes.”

“Holy shit Jay!” I shout, pressing my face against the bars. “It's me Floyd! And before we do that stupid trope.” I start speaking Dine, which catches him off guard.

He replies in kind, walking up to the door. “Jesus Floyd, it is you.”

“Yeah it is, now stand back, I'm going to kick the door down.” I take a few steps back, turn around and go to buck the door... Okay, why aren't my legs moving? I look back to see my legs wrapped up in Blue’s magic.

“Floyd, I'm not going to let you kick the door down,” he explains, ignoring my death glare.”Allow me to make myself useful.” He releases my legs. He focuses his magic elsewhere, closing his eyes. “Hmm...” He hums in thought. “This is an old Smith lock, shouldn't be too hard to pick.”

I blink in surprise, noting the glow coming from the keyhole. “You can pick locks?”

“After that debacle with Chrysalis, my Aunt thought it best if we picked up some survival skills,” Blue explains. I have to admit, that's pretty smart.

“But don't you have magic for this sort of thing?” I inquire, watching the door intently.

“Which easily be suppressed,” he counters, “Which is why I am also adept at lock picking with my mouth and hooves as well.” Blue grins as the lock clicks. “And voila!”

I don't wait, bursting into the cell, glomping a startled Jay to the ground. “Oh god Jay, I never thought I'd see any of you again.” I feel a few tears running down my face, but, I can't help but smile. That smile turns dopey as a wave of euphoria washes over me.

“I think that's quite enough.” I blink, suddenly finding Jay and myself being pushed to opposite sides of the room. “I understand that you two seem to know each other, but I don't think Floyd would like it if you sucked all of her love out.”

I give my head a few shakes, getting rid of the remaining cobwebs. “You fed on me?” I honestly didn't think getting fed on by a changeling would feel so good. Though, it was freely given love, maybe that had something to do with it.

“Sorry!” Jason whined uncharacteristically. “I don't even know what I did, I was just so hungry.”

“Relax, and just stop whining will ya?” I get to my hooves, giving him another once over. He seems to have regained a more healthy weight and the cracks seem to have closed up for the most part. With light pouring in from the doorway, I get a better look at him. He’s small, most likely a foal. Nymph? Whatever. He has a blood red mane and a matching set of piercing red eyes.

I stare at him for while, processing the information. He’s younger and for a changeling looks unique... Oh. I glance at his backside before shaping my gaze back to his face. I really don't want to think about my cousin’s junk. Just something I'll have to deal with later.

“So, why are we horses?” Jason asks, trotting over to me.

“We’re not. You’re a changeling and we’re ponies,” I explain. I glance at the open door, frowning. “We should really walk and talk. Blue, can you grab him?”

“Of course.” Blue levitates Jay onto my back, trotting towards the door. “Now let's make our way out of this place before those dreadful dogs find us.”

And now I wish Pinkie was here with the Pinkie sense. Guess I'll just have to pray tiady luck we get out of this.

“Did you call?!” Pinkie asks, suddenly appearing next to me. Oh hey, great timing. “I know right? I've been keeping a mind open to your inner monologue. When you showed up down here, I told Azzy and Maud what was up.” And? “Princess Luna is mobilizing her squad as we speak!”

“Excellent.” Blue takes the lead again, gesturing for us to follow. “Ms. Pie, if you wouldn't mind being our guide, we could most certainly find our way.”

“Okie dokie loki!” Pinkie bounces ahead, vanishing into the wall.

“Uh, who is he talking to?” Jay asks, sounding rather confused.

“It's a long story. Basically, I'm in someone else's body, and they exist as an astral projection,” I explain, trotting up to Blue. “You... aren't hijacking someone’s body, are you?”

“How the hell would I know that, Floyd?” Okay, good question. I think for a moment, recalling my earlier experiences.

“Okay, since you've been here, have you heard any voices in your head?”

“Nope.”

“Wait, seriously?” I ask, feeling my blood boil. Just fuck you universe, okay? You gave my cousin, who doesn't know a goddamn thing about the show, an OC body, but I gotta be stealing Pinkie’s? Fuck you!!!

"Floyd.” Pinkie trots back out of the wall, pouting at me. “You’re getting all mean again. Just repeat after me: one if by land, two if by sea, three is for the manatee!”

I glare at her, but do as she says. My anger melts into laughter and I can't help but laugh my head off. “Three is for the manatee!” I cheer, snorting loudly.

“Atta girl!” Pinkie smiles, sharing in my mirth. “Anyway~ Coast is clear for the next few halls. It’s like a big maze, so I'll be your cheat sheet!” Right, lead the way. “Okie dokie loki!”

Blue and I trot after her, deciding it was best to travel in silence. With Pinkie’s leadership, we navigate the labyrinthine hallways, though unfortunately, we don’t find anymore prisoners. Eventually, we come to dead end. I give the place a once over, my eyes landing on the lever by the door.

“I don’t like this, Floyd.” Pinkie shivers, her body going nuts. “Something really bad is about to happen.””

“This is the only exit,” I point out, pulling the lever. The wall in front of us shifts, rising up into the ceiling with a rumble. I peek my head out and my blood goes cold.

We’re inside the cathedral, which is packed. It looks like the whole town is in attendance, wearing red and purple robes. There's a guy at the altar dressed up in a white outfit, holding a weird pyramid thing. We lock eyes and time seems to stop.

“Holy shit!” I scream, pointing to the windows. “Gozer the Gozarian, the traveler has come! We’re all gonna die!” The cultists all mumble between themselves and I turn to run back into the tunnel, only for the three of us solid people to get levitated into the building.

“Fortune smiles upon our herd today,” the unicorn at the altar speaks, his voice matching the one I heard earlier, “These outsiders will make a fine offering to Sh”rk’Moil, don't you agree?” The crowd stomps their hooves, chanting the name over and over again.

I gulp, floating helplessly in the air. “We are so fucked.”

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