Floyd In: Double Vision
The trains here are very relaxing. They’re not like the ones back on Earth. Less utilitarian than modern trains, I can only imagine this is what trains of the late 1800’s - early 1900’s were like. The girls are sitting a bit away from me, leaving me to my thoughts. It’s nice of them, to let me work out what’s going on in my head.
‘They’ll help, you know. You can talk to them, Floyd. Letting bad feelings rattle around your head isn’t good, take my word for it’
I shudder, the image of crazed Pinkie from Party of One flashes into my head. Yeah I hear ya Pinkie, but I just need to figure some things on my own. I do wish however, that our mane hadn’t deflated. It gives people the wrong impression. I’m not going ‘Cupcakes’ I’m just... I dunno depressed maybe?
‘Hey Floyd’
Hm?
‘Some things in life are bad~’
Are you... singing?
‘They can really make you mad~’
Why does that sound so familiar?
‘Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you're chewing on life’s gristle,
Don't grumble, give a whistle!
And this’ll help things turn out for the best...
And...’
Wait...
‘Always look on the bright side of life~!’
God damnit Pinkie! You watched Life of Brian in my memories didn’t you!? Ugh... and now she’s still singing... well, she does pull it off pretty well, all things considered.
‘So always look on the bright side of death~’
The sound of a record scratch fills my head and Pinkie just stops singing. Uh... you OK, Pinks?
‘Why is there death in this song!? This is supposed to a happy song!’
I actually laugh out loud, causing the girls to give me some odd looks, not that I care, Pinkie’s freak out is hysterical.
‘It’s not funny! What kind of horrible pony writes a song like that?! It sounds like a happy song!!’
Actually, it’s called lyrical dissonance. Some songs sound happy but their lyrics are rather dark, like Semi-Charmed Life, which is about cocaine and sex. It’s a fairly common trope in human music. I’m not surprised ponies don’t have it.
‘That’s a horrible thing! Whoever came up with it is a meanie pants!
Nah, just means humans are more emotionally developed than ponies... for the most part, anyway. We don’t just celebrate the good times, ya know.
“So uh, Floyd... what’s so funny?” Dash gets my attention, asking the question that’s on all their minds.
“Well, Pinkie found a song in my head and...” I pause, a devious smirk crossing my face, “And she took issue with the lyrics.”
“Um... what kind of issues?” Fluttershy asks, a frown forming on her face.
“Oh see, it was this song these two Russians made about lesbianism. Pinkie was telling me that the song was inadequate to describe the feelings she has for Twilight.”
‘What!? No I didn’t!
“S-she what?” Twilight asked with wide eyes, a blush forming on her cheeks.
“Yup, she even went into detail about just what exactly she’d like to do to you,” I say, getting into the best provocative pose I can, batting my eyelashes at Twilight, “You know... I know I’m ace but I’d totally be up for trying anything once, Twilight.”
Twilight just stares at me like a deer in headlights, her eyes wide and her mouth flapping open soundlessly. The others share similar looks, all staring at me before I bust out laughing, falling off my seat and rolling around on the floor.
‘Floyd! I do not like Twilight like that!’
Aw, but you’re so cute together, though I suppose you have the hots for Cheese, right?
‘Are all humans so mean?’
Alright, alright sorry, just chill out Pinkie. You’re lucky, normally my pranks involve scary props and fake blood and body parts... wait is this what Luna meant when she said we had already merged a bit?
‘I dunno, do you feel like baking?
Thankfully, no I don’t. Hey... you feeling lightheaded?
‘OHMYGOSH Floyd, you forgot to breathe!
I take in a big gasp of sweet, sweet air, much to my lungs’ eternal gratitude. My sudden gasp got the girls out of their funk and made them run over to me.
“Floyd you alright?” Applejack asks, helping me sit up.
“Yeah I’m okay... I just kinda... forgot to breathe...” I admit sheepishly, taking another deep breath, letting it out slowly to savor the precious air.
“How the hay did you forget to breathe?” Dash questions, looking at me with a raised eyebrow.
“Well you see uh... Pinkie was scolding me over the joke and well, I kinda just stopped paying attention to everything else...” I tap my hooves together, letting out a sheepish laugh.
“Heh, it was a pretty funny joke,” Dash says, giving me a grin.
“No it wasn’t, it was horrible! It's unladylike to talk so openly about such things,” Rarity tells us, primping up her mane.
“Yup, had you dead on for a prude,” I mutter, causing her to gasp.
“I am not a prude!” she argues, glaring at me.
“Eh... ya kinda are Rarity,” Applejack agrees, looking at me with a wink.
“You’re one to talk Applejack! What about that time I caught you and Big Mac in the barn?”
“I already told you we was just wrasslin’! It’s not my fault ya’ll read those smutty books!”
“My romance novels are not smutty!”
I just sit back with Rainbow Dash, watching the two argue back and forth as Twilight tries to get them to calm down, while Fluttershy just sits there, a deep blush gracing her cheeks.
‘You know, Flutters has the biggest collection of fetish porn in town. It’s all hidden under her bed. I think she wants to try some of it out on Discord.’
I bust out laughing, falling backwards. It’s always the quiet ones I tell ya.
You know, this place kinda reminds me of film school. Lots of jerks walking past you sticking their noses up in the air, thinking they're better than you. Don’t get me started on the indie film scene, it’s a headache I don’t want.
‘Well aren’t you an indie filmmaker?’
No, I’m a film student. I’ve worked on a few indie films. It sucked hard, at least in my experience. Anyway, Canterlot is full of snobbish unicorns, that should have been obvious. Twilight seems at home though, currently she’s listing off various landmarks and I feel kinda bad that I’m not really paying attention.
“Are you paying attention?” Twilight questions, making me wince.
“Umm... no,” I admit with a cough, cringing under her annoyed look. “I kinda zoned out after you started to talk about your favorite quill shop, my bad.”
“Well, at least she’s honest,” Applejack says with a chuckle. We make our way up to the castle, which is rather impressive by the way, stopping so Twilight can talk to the guards at the gate. I look to the closest guard, just standing there, staring straight ahead. I can’t help but think of the stereotypical British guards. Great, now I just want to dance around and make funny faces and see if I can get a rise out of him.
‘Oooh! That sounds fun! Can we do that?’
As tempting as that is, lets not, best get that kinda thing on film. It’d make for one hell of a Youtube video, that's for sure. I am so gonna miss Youtube the most. Twilight just sighs and shakes her head as the guards open the gate up, allowing us inside.
We chat as we walk, as Twilight babbles on about the castle. Not that I’m not interested... okay I’m not, but I feel like I’ve stepped onto the set of The Lord Of The Rings. Everything just looks amazing and I swear the gold colored bits all around the castle are gold. You could probably pay off the U.S. national debt with this place alone.
‘How does a country get into debt? That doesn’t make any sense!’
It happens when you book two wars on a credit card, or spend all your money on your military... HOLY CRAP the stained glass windows! Out of all the things I’ve been wanting to see here, those windows were one of the highest on the list. I stop and gaze up at them in wonder, starting at the beginning with the window depicting Luna being restored to ending with a window depicting Tirek getting his ass kicked. You know... I wonder how they fixed them after Discord changed them and Tirek melted the one of Twilicorn.
‘They probably just had Discord fix it, I mean he is on probation’
Wait, you’re telling me that he nearly helps the bastard son of Shang Tsung and Motaro take over the world and he gets off with probation!? Sombra must have done something really fucking bad if his punishment was straight up death.
‘That was an accident... none of us knew that the Heart would do that to him...’
Hey... don't cry! Uh.... uh...
“They are pretty, no?” a voice cut in, distracting me and Pinkie from our troubles. I cast a glance to my left to find Blueblood of all ponies sitting next to me. He’s looking up at the Twilicorn window with a forlorn look on his face. “You know... I always thought it would be me up there but... some things are just not meant to be.”
“Eh, don’t feel too bad, not a lot of us could grow wings,” I state simply, giving him a wary look.
“You’re one of those mares that ruined the last gala, right?” he asked, turning to look at me. I’m actually surprised he remembers that, Id have figured he would have just forgotten. “Yes... I believe your name is... Pinkie Pie.”
“...Yes and no... Just call me Pink,” I tell him, not really wanting to explain this whole mess to him.
“Hmm, alright Pink,” he says, a small smile playing on his muzzle, “I imagine your friend didn’t have very nice things to say about me?”
“Who, Rarity?” I ask, to which he nods. “Yeah, she doesn’t like you at all. I’m actually surprised you're even talking to me.” I really am, I half expect him to call me a filthy commoner and walk away with his nose in the air.
His smile falters, “I didn’t think so. I’ve tried to apologize but alas, she has ignored every attempt...” He sighs, shaking his head.
“Wait, you tried to apologize?” I ask, getting really confused. “If you’re sorry, why’d ya act like such a dick in the first place?” My elegant choice of words catch him off guard for a moment before he starts to speak.
“Well... a lot of mares have this expectation of me, that I’m some kind of white knight and a dream come true. As soon as I saw her I knew she didn’t want me, she wanted her version of me. So... I ruined her image of me. Probably not the best plan but... I didn’t know what else to do...”
“Yeah, that was a rather stupid move, but I get where you're coming from.” I nod my head, “Must be hard to keep up with all those expectations.”
“I make do,” he says, “I imagine you’re here to see my aunt?”
“Yeah, personal reasons and all that.”
“Are you... free afterwards?” he asks, catching me off guard. Is he asking me out?
‘Well technically he’s asking us out, we’re a two-fer’
Ugh. I’m really not sure what to do here. I mean on the one hand, I should have seen this sort of thing coming, being a mare now. On the other hand, I have utterly no idea what to do in this situation.
‘Just tell him we’re not interested. You don’t have to be mean about it, but let him know that he’s not our type’
Well no duh he’s not my type but let me guess, your type is Cheese Sandwich, right?
‘I-I have no idea what you’re talking about’
If you say so Pinks.
“Sorry but after this meeting we’re heading straight back to Ponyville,” I let him know, feeling a bit bad as his smile falters.
“Oh, too bad...” he says with a sigh. Damn it! Now I’m feeling bad for Blueblood!
“Floyd,” Twilight calls, causing us both to look back at her. She’s standing at the doorway on the other side of the hall, looking impatient.
“That’s my cue Bluey, seeya around!” I call before trotting off toward Twilight. I give her a sheepish look as I walk past, entering into the throne room. Celestia is sitting on her throne, looking at me with a raised eyebrow.
“I take it you are Floyd?” she asks, a hint of amusement in her voice. She looks me over, making me gulp a little.
“That’s correct ma’am.” I nod. “Pink Floyd, at your service,” I state with a quick bow.
“Please, there is no need to bow,” she says with a dismissive wave of her hoof, giving me a disarming smile. I return it with a sigh of relief, straightening up. “I requested your presence here so I may meet you in person. Both Twilight and Luna have assured me that you are quite harmless but I would like to find out for myself.”
“Of course, your highness,” I say with a nod, feeling my heart start to hammer in my chest.
‘Just relax Floyd, Princess Celestia is one of the kindest ponies ever, she won’t hurt you. Just relax and everything's gonna be alright’
Stop quoting songs damnit.
‘Hey I don’t know much about this Marly, but he had the right idea!’
I sigh, shaking my head, looking up at Celestia,”What is it you wish of me, your highness?”
“Just a few questions.” She gives me that disarming smile again. “Why don’t you tell me about your life before you...arrived here?” she asks, dancing around the whole death thing.
“Well, I was going to film school and I would have graduated next year, whatever that’s really worth,” I say with a shrug, looking down at my hooves. “I got really good grades... except for that one project that bitch Jessica ruined!” I sneer, snorting in anger.
“Oh?”
“All she had to do was edit! But no! She had to replace the footage with her own crappy movie!” I seethe, shaking in barely contained rage. I take a few deep breaths, looking up at the princess. “Sorry about that... I haven’t had a smoke in a while and I’m jonesing hard...”
She starts to speak but I can’t really hear her, all I can think about is the strange pressure building up in my head. I shake my head, pawing at it in futility. After a few moments, there’s a loud pop and something slides out of my ear. “The fuck was that!?!”
“Yay! It worked!” Pinkie shouts from next to me. Wait, what!? I look to my left to see Pinkie, as a damn ghost, smiling and waving at me.
“Pinkie!?” I ask, my eye twitching.
“Yuppers!” she says, jumping up and down with an insane grin on her face.
“Uh, Floyd?” Dash asks, looking at me like I was insane, “Who the hay are you talking to?”
“Pinkie Pie!” I shout, pointing at her, “She popped out of my head!!” I wave my hoof at her as she giggles to herself, her hoof phasing in and out of Twilight.
“Uh...” Twilight stares at me, oblivious to Pinkie’s antics. “I don’t see anything Floyd... you sure you’re ok?”
“I am not insane!” I shout, causing them all to flinch back. We stand there in silence for a moment before the doors open and Luna pokes her head in.
“I’m not interrupting am I?” she asks, her eyes moving around the room until they lock onto Pinkie. “Ah,” she starts with a smile, “Seems the spell is working properly.”
“Oh, thank god.” I let out a sigh of relief, glad I’m not losing my mind. “Wait... you knew about this!?”
“Of course I did, Floyd,” Luna said with a laugh. “Astral projection is a common side effect of the separation spell.” She smirks, watching Pinkie make faces at Celestia. “Well, I must get back to sleep, I just want to make sure everything was alright, good day everypony.” She gave one last smile before ducking out of the room.
I sigh, hanging by head a little, Pinkie’s little escape having given me a migraine, “Can we just... go home? My head hurts...” This place is seriously going to be the death of me.
“Yes of course,” Celestia says with a nod and a motherly smile, “I don’t want to keep you if you’re no longer feeling up to it. We can talk later.”
“Thank you, princess,” I say, giving her a tired bow before turning and heading out of the room. God... I need a smoke...
Celestia raised her eyebrow as Blueblood trotted into the throne room, a dreamy look on his face. “Something wrong, nephew?”
“She called me Bluey....” he mumbled out, sitting down, letting out a forlorn sigh.
“Who did?” Celestia asked, a smirk already forming on her face.
“That nice pink mare...”
Celestia’s grin got even bigger, a twinkle of mischief in her eyes. “Oh really?”
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Thank you for using my favourite take on Blueblood. Mine you; Jerkblood can be humorous at times, but I prefer the 'it's an act to chase off the gold diggers' version of him.
6006959 Indeed. I also like this portrayal. Although Jerkblood redemption stories are also nice from time to time.
Author, I liked it! Keep it up! :D
6006959
Yeah, to be fair, Rarity is a tad of a Gold Digger.
Nice job with blueblood.
And he's going to hate himself for turning gay...I think.
6008563 Why would Floyd hate himself? He's ace.
6008578
is he based as well?
I would think he would hate to like the male gender now/soon.
6008582 Ace means Floyd has no sex drive at all and no attraction to either gender.
6008587
cool, I'm ace as well.
Hilarious.
More people need to read this, it's too much fun and they're missing out.
I can't say that I saw a BluePie infatiuation coming.
PinkBlood? BloodPie? Mmm . . . blood pudding.
6008587 Huh, you learn something new every day. In my case it's usually it's something useless but interesting.
Yes. Yes, they always are, and it's so predictable it's really just tedious.
I mean, really, just once I'd like it to be Applejack or Derpy or whatever instead, just for a change. Well, no, really I'd rather it be no one at all, because it makes absolutely no sense, given what the setting is about or who the characters are, and it always fairly stinks of author appeal and fanservice, but you know what I mean.
...and why does Pinkie even know that, anyway?
Glad you take Blueblood into this story. It is rare that I read a story, where he is even present in!
Celestia raised her eyebrow as Blueblood trotted into the throne room, a dreamy look on his face. “Something wrong, nephew?”
“She called me Bluey....” he mumbled out, sitting down, letting out a forlorn sigh.
“Who did?” Celestia asked, a smirk already forming on her face.
“That nice pink mare...”
Celestia’s grin got even bigger, a twinkle of mischief in her eyes. “Oh really?”
oooohhh nooooooooo
I have a feeling trollestia 
is going to be comeing in soon Everpony 
run before IT BEGUNS/ to Late
ps. love the story so far
6035098
Yeah, that can be expected. Really wondering there this might lead, but I have my hopes on something.
Let's just say, I think, I might end up shipping Floyd and Blueblood! I hope that Floyd ends up as a mare for this scenario!
Ok, this seems like it's going forward. Faved.
A pity it's on hiatus. I hope this will resume soon.
Also, which shipping name you guys think is better?
Bloyd or Flueblood or Flood?
I CAN'T WAIT TO READ MORE
not being rude but I WANT MORE
JUST adding something I can't wait to see what Celestia will do knowing Blue has a crush on the Pink Mare
6007720 Is she in it for the money or the reputation going out with a prince would give her?
6316304
Both.
And Bluey has a crush!
TAKE COVER! IT'S TROLLESTIA!!!
most of the us dept comes from social security, the government borrowed a lot of money from that program, i forgot the details though. something to do with the people dying before they retired? but ya, most of the federal budget goes to paying that off (insufficiently)
6736425 dun dun dun Trollestia Strikes back
Considering how cute-ish and innocent ponies are in general.. i'd wonder what would count as "fetish fuel" for them.
I'd guess stuff like licking their partner's cutie mark would be one.
6786812 Wearing knee high stockings?
and trollestia strikes again
Again a shipping I don´t like, but at least with that I have the easiest time.
Okay that´s the third Blueblood I like, why did I stopped reading this? I really would like aromance version for this, but I can´t have both options I already voted for.
Floid or Pink Floid X Blueblood, or simply Pinkie X Floid
6008589 Well I'll be honest and say that I don´t really understand or like that asexual stuff in a story at least, but I respect that if you know how I mean it.
I guess I would be that demisexual stuff, not that usual either I guess. I mean if I remember it correctly it means to not like the people before your like their personality, or just till your sure you like them or stuff like that. I mean I always hear the others are just jump at the next sexy person they see, probably one reason why my aunt only had assholes as her husbands. (Well only one really did something bad and went away pretty far because he got scared afterwards.)
6785757 and entitlements.
heck obama alone and made more debt then every president before him COMBINED
I used to be able to think coherent thoughts, but then I read this.
Apologize? There's no reason for HIM to apologize, Rarity was just being a greedy golddigger trying to marry her way into royalty.
10138583
Yes and no, Rarity was in love with the idea of a fairytale romance, she didn't so much want him for his position, or money; more for a way to fulfill a childish desire.
They were both in the wrong for the gala situation.
Nani?! Not precious shy innocent little Fluttershy!
Ooooh No!
I am worried know
Always the quiet ones, LoL.