Pony got those Apple Bottoms jeans, jeans! Boots with the fur - with the fur!
Written as one of my two entries for the Everfree Northwest writing competition, this fanfic tackles the theme "making new friends" between two very unlikely ponies. Fluttershy is almost too shy for her own good, and Luna reminds her way too much of the evil Nightmare Moon! How will they come to a resolution? And do these two ponies have more in common than they anticipated?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Pretty poor, all things considered. If this is pre-Nightmare Night, which doesn't really jive with how Luna acted in the episode, Luna should be using the royal we instead of singular pronouns when referencing herself, and if you want to get really technical, should only be addressing Fluttershy as "thou" once Fluttershy affirms her friendship. If it is post Nightmare Night, then Fluttershy being terrified of Luna makes no sense.
Speaking to the actual text, Fluttershy's constant quailing in terror got boring pretty quick, as her depictions of terror didn't change once during the story. If a character is going to remain in a single state and take essentially no actions for any period of time, the prose needs to step up and become the focus of the piece. Good comedy fics do this well, with descriptions themselves becoming jokes, and I think this fic would of benefited greatly from taking notes from humourous stories.
The greatest crime an author can commit is being boring, and this story failed to hold my interest for the scant 2000 words that consist it.
5835430 Sorry you didn't like it, but I appreciate the feedback!
I should point out that I was trying for a bit of an 'alternate history' in regards to the events at Nightmare Night; we couldn't very well have a friendship story between Fluttershy and Luna if they'd already met and become friends, right? But canonically, yes you would be correct.
Hi there! I've read this story as part of the Everyfree Northwest Writing Contest. Here's my review!
I'm going to disagree slightly with Forderz's review. It is fairly light on comedy, all things considered, and I could not get over that one question I had (namely, "Why the heck was Luna in Fluttershy's house?!") but it does have other positive attributes.
By far, the best thing about this is Luna. Her character is explored a little, her actions believable, and I would say that her archaic speech is actually in line with how she talked in the "Luna Eclipsed." It's not the best one-shot I've read, but I thought it was an enjoyable little story nonetheless.
Good luck in the contest!
5877631 Thanks for the review! I'm glad you enjoyed it, even if it's not your favorite! :)