• Member Since 16th Mar, 2015
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Apple Bottoms


Pony got those Apple Bottoms jeans, jeans! Boots with the fur - with the fur!

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Twilight Velvet is enduring the unique pain of a mother saying goodbye to all of her children, left alone in a home too big for her. Imagine her surprise when she begins to find friendly notes and gifts left around the house for her by a loving husband. But - surprise! They are actually the bumbling attempts of the evil Changeling Queen Chrysalis to kidnap her and ransom her to Twilight Sparkle! But when things take a turn for the worse with the changelings, will Chrysalis and Twilight Velvet be able to work together to save a life?

This is my entry for the Scribblefest 2016 Contest, winner of the Fluttershy Prize and nominated for the Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie prizes!

The D'aww Award
a.k.a "The Fluttershy"
A staple of ponyfic... the story with the sweetest, most touching moment that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

The Kidnapping of Twilight Velvet
by Apple Bottoms

Chrysalis attempts to kidnap Twilight Velvet. It does not go as planned.

This story was actually nominated in several categories, as it's funny, and it's sweet. It ended up winning The Fluttershy because the heartfelt moments are what really stood out the most.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 71 )

7006216 Thank you for reading! Your avatar makes me laugh, LOL!!! :rainbowlaugh:

Well that could be nice start for longer fic, not sure why did you stopped right here

7006672 Word limits! The fic had to be 2-6k words, and mine barely squeaked by at just under 6k! Or, slightly over, according to Fimfiction's algorithm.

7006724 Then make sequel.

7006761 That sounds like a fun idea! :raritywink: What do you think should happen?

7006765
There is a lot of possibilities, you have already good main plot (Chrysalis learning what is love) making her taking all things completly wrong (like with Velvet took notes) would be nice idea. And of course throwing Her in all strange and stupid situations, like I don't know maybe making Chrysalis as double for Velvet and trying (and failing of course) at being 'good' mother to Twilight

You have good start and have a lot of possibilities to make it comedic with serious aspect

7006780 Those all sound like awesome ideas! I really like the idea about Chrysalis having to stand in for Twilight Velvet and pretend to be Twilight Sparkle's mom, LOL! :rainbowlaugh: I also thought it would be nice for Twilight Velvet to act as a bit of a motherly mentor to Chrysalis, so Chrysalis could learn how to be nice, and Twilight Velvet could have another pony to dote on! :heart:

7006919
Then I'm awaiting sequel, in same time you can post this story in few groups like
That one
and that one too
and way more its always give some more attention

I liked this story.

7006929 Oh wow, I didn't know you could post stories in groups! That's awesome! :pinkiegasp: Thanks for the heads up!

7007065 Thank you for reading! I'm glad you liked it! :twilightsmile:

That storu had me riding the edge of my seat as I read it! The suspense was real! At first I thought it was going to be comedic with how you wrote this but it turned out to be so much more! I loved it! :heart:

Funny, and surprisingly touching. And Celestia got told! :rainbowlaugh:

… and pulled back with a box in her hand.

Velvet's been hanging around Lyra too much... :pinkiecrazy:

7008023 OH SNAP I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE, LOL!!! And here I thought I caught all my hoof-related language!! :twilightoops:

7007573 Aw, thank you!! :heart: I like to give my stories a little bit of comedy, I'm glad it came across well!!

While this didn't have an episode feel to it for me, I enjoyed this story the less. I liked the sweet ending. It didn't go in the direction I thought it would, you made it work wonderfully.:raritywink: I hope you make a sequel for this!

This definitely needs a sequel. I could totally see Celestia being talked into being civil with Chrysalis and work out their problems peacefully. Apologizing for the invasion would be a nice start if it means the changelings get to live. Perteks' idea fits well for a chapter or multichapter arc with my idea being used for a next chapter or arc afterwards.

But why the 6k limit? Most stories are longer in chapter length, even by one-shot standards.

7008355 Thank you very much! I made it a bit more 'grown up' than I did for my last entry, I think if I was writing it more episode-like it would be shorter and more to the point for sure! I just had a lot of sweet scenes I wanted to squish in there! :derpytongue2:


7008659 Thank you! You have good ideas for a sequel, too! I definitely like the idea of Celestia apologizing! :rainbowwild: I think it's a short limit to A) cut down on the amount of time the judges have to spend reading entries (last year they had like 50+ stories to read through I think!!), and B) it has to be small enough to fit in the EFNW program, if it wins. It works for me, because I like shorter stories! I tend to get bogged down and never finish my longer ones... :pinkiesad2:

Great story that leaves a want for more:twilightsmile:......hint hint :twilightblush:

Sequel! Sequel! Sequel!

I haven't read this, but I felt I should comment: your story description gives away far too much of the plot. A story desc should entice the reader, not summarize most of the story.

This was really fantastic. What starts out as straight farce becomes something much heavier.

Hey, I remember you for that Trixie story from last year's Everfree NW contest! That was a nice story and it deserved to win. :twilightsmile:

This one's nice too, though I can't help but feel like there's a disconnect between the outright silliness of the first half where Chrysalis seems like a bumbling Saturday morning cartoon villain, and the second half, where the dramatic, emotional elements are more serious. Still, there are some great moments in this and Twilight Velvet never gets enough love. Good luck in the contest!

Oh, and if you should feel so inclined, I have an entry this year as well. Hopefully it fairs better than last year's! :twilightsheepish:

You know. A ton of people always have a bunch of characters "telling off" Celestia. Ranging from Twilight Sparkle to self-inserts and/or OCs but I feel that if there was any character I could truly see getting angry enough to tell her off and have it feel 100% natural and justified it would be Velvet.

Glad to see it.

I love how this story started off light and then went to telling off Celestia. :twilightsmile:

OMG!! I've never been featured before!! My notifications blew up!! Awesome!! Thanks for reading, everyone! :pinkiehappy:

7010342 That's a fair point! I have made the mistake in the past of making my story summaries way too short and vague ("Twilight Sparkle goes on an adventure!") so I may have gone too far in the other direction this time! :twilightsheepish:

7009790
7010227
7011120
Aw, thank you guys! You are too sweet! Lots of people want a sequel, wow! I sort of intended it as a one-off, but I'll seriously have to consider it! :raritywink:

7010397 OMG!!! I'm so shocked!! I never thought I'd make it to the front page, I'm elated!! Thanks for the heads-up!! :rainbowkiss: LOL that's a great picture too!!

7010721 Thank you for reading! I'm glad it flowed well for you! :twilightsmile:

7011030 Oh wow, someone remembers my story! I'm touched!! :heart: Thank you very much for the kind words! I will definitely go look at your fic! Best of luck in the contest!! :pinkiehappy:

7011171 I was afraid your list was about to include my fic, I'm glad I avoided the pratfalls of the telling off Celestia trope! (I didn't even know it was a trope! But it makes sense, Celestia is the main authority figure! :trollestia:) Thank you for the kind words!

7011376 LOL this is a hilarious and to-the-point review!! :rainbowlaugh:

Velvet Rocks.

That was really sweet. You captured the feelings of a mother with nobody to mother very well.

Great and lovely story you have here:raritystarry:

7011609
Oh please oh please make a sequel(s) there is so much potential to them. Like maybe Chrysalis returns to ask a HUGE favor from Velvet or something. Oh or maybe Velvet needs Chrysalis' help. Or maybe Velvet tells Twilight about her encounter with the changeling queen.

Huh. I'm not sure I'm comfortable with the resolution. Maybe I'm reading into it wrong? I just didn't feel like Velvet's outburst against Celestia was justified. Velvet seemed super stoked when filly Twilight was accepted into Celestia's school. And Celestia plopped Twilight in Ponyville because Twilight needed to save the world from eternal night. Then Twilight herself chose to stay there, which lead to her becoming a bonafide Princess! And being captain of the guard/married to Cadence was something Shining Armor wanted, not Celestia (which Velvet herself points out, so why even mention it?) But now he's more than that even, he helps run an entire empire! I'd think she'd be grateful to Celestia for giving her children so much, not hate her for "taking her children away."

On that note, why didn't Velvet just... like, visit Twilight in Ponyville? She doesn't seem particularly busy, and it's not like Twilight's new princess duties keep her out of reach (Heck, she spent like half of season 5 moping about being bored) To me, her outburst comes across as petty jealousy at best, and slightly unhinged at worst. I dunno, it just feels weird for Velvet to give the person that brainwashed her son and tried to thrash/mutilate/whatever-she-does-in-the-comis/etc her daughter a free pass, while resenting the person that essentially helped mold them into the self-actualized individuals that they are.

Personally I'm a bit burnt out of the Let's chew out Celestia bit myself. But hey, if you really need Velvet to "tell Celestia off," why not cite all the incredibly dangerous quests Celestia has sent Twilight on?

7012633 I think you actually explain some of my feelings about Velvet's opinions on Celestia in your second paragraph; "resenting the person that essentially helped mold them into the self-actualized individuals that they are. " - Celestia sort of appointed herself to that position in Twilight Sparkle's life, but that's usually the role of a parent, especially the same-gender parent. So I think in my story, Twilight Velvet does harbor resentment (and even jealousy) against Celestia for basically taking over her job of raising Twilight. Was it ultimately good for Twilight Sparkle? Debatable, but was it imperative for the survival of Equestria? Definitely! But Twilight Velvet isn't worried about Equestria, she's worried about her children, hence a little bit of irrationality!

You definitely have a right to your opinion, but I'll give you my reasoning, just so you know where I'm coming from! I don't think you're taking my story "wrong", every story is taken a different way by each reader! And I appreciate the time you put into thinking about it! :twilightsmile:

The 'Velvet seemed stoked when Sparkle got into magic school' part was something I wasn't trying to erase, but to elaborate on; often, things that seem great at first can turn out to be not-so-great with the passage of time, so I tried to think about how a mother would feel about sending off her only daughter to, essentially, a prestigious boarding school - for her entire childhood. (Canonically, it's more likely that she lived at home/visited her family frequently, but for the sake of dramatic tension I amped it up a bit! And since Twilight Sparkle ended up so socially crippled, it makes sense that she went overboard with her devotion to her studies.) Yes, Sparkle being important to the future of Equestria is why Celestia sent her to Ponyville, and trained her as her apprentice; but subjectively, it can be very hard for a parent to disconnect from a child even if the world is at stake. I tried to write Twilight Velvet as a pony who cares deeply about her children/family, which can manifest in not-nice ways, such as yelling at Celestia, or befriending a pony who isn't very nice, but who needs a mother.

I do realize that the budding friendship between Chrysalis and Velvet sounds odd on the face of it, and if I had a longer story, I'd probably take a lot more time introducing them, but for the sake of the word limit I had to rush a bit! I really wanted to explore two extreme opposites on the spectrum - a pony who cares an incredible amount for her family and a pony who cares for no one but herself (and to a lesser extent her changelings) - and see how I could bring them together to interact. But you make a fair point about why Velvet would even bother being friendly to someone who hurt her kids!

Anyway, I hope that gives you some insight, and helps explain my thought process a bit! You bring up some really good critiques, and it was interesting to read your comment and think about why I made the choices I did! :pinkiehappy:

Good story, needs more guns

Really loved the story and would be interested in a sequel. Only nit pick would be in the beginning when Chrysalis was speaking with a snake like hiss. Because she doesnt do that in the show i had to re read the scene to figure out who was talking.

That was born hilarious, heartwarming and dramatic. Very nice.

A sequel would be nice, the idea of Chryssie standing in dire Velvet while she has some other stuff to do sounds hilarious. Or, you could do another take on this, this time without the limits enforced by the contest, where you wouldn't need to rush anything. Like a director's cut.

And I can understand Velvet here, in the show, or at least what I've seen of it, Celestia seems to act in a motherly role to Twilight most of the time. I can easily imagine her being resentful of that. And back when Cadence and Shining were getting married, everyone thought they'd be staying at Canterlot.

Need more!

One thing, thought. It's either 'the Queen', or 'Queen Chrysalis', 'the Queen Chrysalis' is wrong.

Congratulations on your first featured story!

You deserve it too, the concept of "motherless being finds a mother" fits in really well with Chyssi. The humor was great as well and made it more enjoyable to read.

I find that Velvet's reaction to Celestia was quite justified. Velvet is alone, her children gone and husband off on business. That would definitely amplify any negative feelings towards Celly.

I would love to read more between the two but I respect your decision to keep it as a one shot. Trust me I know how it is to have people bug you for sequels.

I'll watch you to see what else you make!

Howdy, Apple Bottoms! I've reviewed this story along with a few others. You can read it here. :twilightsmile:

Good story!

Just wondering: Why isn't Celestia kind of angry of Velvet?
(At least you don't show she is.)
I mean, Velvet literally hides an enemy in her house.

Also, Chrysalis's remaining army is really tiny. Can she even cause trouble anymore?

Good story, quick change in Chrysalis' outlook but there is only so much that can be done with 6k words.

7006765
Twilight Velvet adopts Chrysalis; Twilight only finds out when Chryssi appears at her castle looking for some sisterly bonding time.

7012740
Fair enough, I wish you best of luck in the contest. For the record, I neglected to mention before that I thought the story was pretty cute.

7014651

Well for one, Throwing Velvet into prison or executing her would kinda lead to a Queen in Ponyville style scenario. And let's be honest, if the two fight, Twilight's gonna win.

7013916 Uhm... so being alone is justification for harboring an enemy... because for some reason being alone makes you hate your leader...

Oooooo-kayyyyy... not even gonna try debating a logic thread that knotty.

This is awesome!

This was actually so fucking beautiful it brings a tear in my eyes. I'd like some more please? Can you do like a sequel?

Neg

Aw, well that was short and sweet. I would've liked for it to be longer, and more conclusive, but as you've explained the character limit (even before going into the story; I think most of us just forgot about that...), I suppose I can understand. Dunno how you did it, as I am no great shakes at writing, myself; but you made a very nice thing, for what it is. Maybe you can visit the idea again someday; I see people on here doing that all the time. :twilightsmile:

Aww, I wanted more.:raritydespair:
Sequel?:duck:

If i am not mistaken it was Twilight's parents who enlisted Twilight for entrance exam. So how Celestia took Twilight away? Spike even wasn't part of their family. That egg didn't belong to Twilight. The one who probaly cared for the dragon in his first years was Celestia.
And she was going in school that was in the same city she has home. Probably when school hours ended she returned home.

7019182 I want to see more of this too! :raritydespair: it's so good!

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