out of a unknown reason, Pinkie Pie finds herself in the human world. along the way she runs into this market owner named Jeff, Pinkie Pie , now a human herself wont tell anybody about her true self.
Chapters (3)
- Member Since 9th Mar, 2012
- offline last seen Feb 15th, 2016
Genocide 4 Kids
i'm not really the best at making stories, but i hope one day i'll become good so you all can enjoy
Genocide 4 Kids
Joined 9th Mar, 2012 ·
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I love this.
THE FATHER OF TIME APPROVES!
dude fucking beautiful story keep it up: tracked
this story is changeling approved
So lets see... Pinkie managed to find a way into our world, turned human, found someone who is her equal in all things random who is not a brony.
As Her Serene Majesty's Paladin, I approve this story in the name of Her Serene Majesty Celestia Everfree.
i only have a few critisisms. first this really needs a proof read as there are quite a few spelling mistakes and the word 'clothes' you spelt 'close'
but overall a good story
Some grammar errors, but all in all, it's roughing up to be a great story. 8.5/10 For effort.
If you want someone to proofread your fics, I am more than willing and able
This has potential. Almost similar to an idea I have kicking around in my head. Would like to know where this is heading.
Good potential, but there are some dropped words and some grammer/spelling errors.
I'd suggest reading the story out loud to yourself. I've found it helps me proofread my writing.
Loved it! As for feedback; there wasn't much I found wrong with it other than a few grammar mistakes (tenses, conjugations, etc.). Otherwise, keep up the good work!
565748 hey thanks ill take you up for that
wow...great story man
Awesome, keep the good work.
Very good new chapter! I like!
And the Lyra reference was awesome
Not bad. Can't wait for more.
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lzlgovMtwb1qe8enz.gif
What a great story! As Roald Dahl once wrote-I'll paraphrase here-
Even if you have a wonky nose and frizzy hair and big ears, if you have a smile, then you would still look great.
That was very roughly paraphrased. It was from Matilda or something.
My point is, though this was chock-full of grammatical and punctuational errors, it was written well. I've see many fics with every apostrophe in place but quite depressing anyways-or just bland and drab. This was just the opposite.
So keep writing! Now it's time for me to read the next chapter and subscribe/upvote.
My previous comment stands. Onto the next chapter... I go!
I just realized something: I posted a comment berating you on a small part of the chapter without talking about the rest. I apologize for that.
I liked the first part of the chapter, especially the Epic Kick part. Pinkie's jealousy seems out of character. Wouldn't Pinkie Pie be happy for Jeff to make a new friend? What about the fact that Lyra Heartstrings saved Pinkie, too? I don' think that knife was an idle threat.
I'm running out of time to write. As it gets later, my sentence structure degrades until I get tireder and tireder and will Sleep now Goodnight.
Sudo