• Member Since 13th Aug, 2014
  • offline last seen Aug 10th, 2018

Lyi


Cheer up! Cheerio! Cheerilee!

T
Source

This is the story of a colt, a colt who gets his cutie mark. But, I will warn you, this isn’t like any cutie mark tale. It’s HIS cutie mark tale.
Nopony else will know of this tale.
Nopony else will speak of this tale.
Nopony else can speak of this tale.
Nopony else exists to talk about it. I am not “nopony”: for I am the Wind.
The Eternal Breeze.
The Sand of Storms.
The Sandstorm.
And he is Sandstorm, Tempus-Sandstorm Statue.

This story has a dramatic reading! Follow TheDizzyDan for more dramatic readings.

The current cover art is by JazzyQ, and her DeviantArt can be found here.

The temporary cover image is done by the amazing PrinceCelestia who did this in about an hour. It can be found here.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 18 )

5630075
That's EXACTLY what I thought.

What's the song name?

5630075 God damn it.I was hoping I could post that first
guess i'll have to settle with this

5650516 Your name and profile do not match. I was under the assumption that thing that looks like a walking PoS was Golden Bonnie

5650831 I just settle with whatever Scott releases,that has some sort of relevance to the topic at hand,and whatever is new such as FNAF 3

What he said. Please tell me what's going on here.

Yo... Ya painted a portrait with words dude...:pinkiegasp:

Lyi

5835233
Thank you, I'm glad that you liked it. I am trying to "learn" how to use descriptive writing.

This sounds interesting. I shall read it later.

Lyi

5930285
Okie dokie Lokie! :pinkiehappy:

Just... Loved it! Beautiful!:pinkiesmile:

At the end. Did you mean Muzzle? 'Cause you said nozzle instead.

Lyi

5934112
Yeah, probably. I'll fix that right away. Also, thanks for giving it a fav! (See, I told ya this one was better than the other one...)

Hey! Hope I haven't waited too long to keep a promise. :rainbowwild:

I liked it! But, I'm not gonna pretend I know what's gone on :derpytongue2: Sure, it's abstract, but I think the flow (and the punctuation) could have been upped a notch so that the reader is spending less time re-reading sentences to understand them. That's what I was doing, anyways... There were a lot of cool ideas here like the journal and its "voice", but I felt a little withdrawn from the story because I couldn't figure out where you were going most of the time.

I can see in the story (and one of your comments) that you were practicing descriptive writing. A lot of it is really well done and paints the characters and their movements cooly, but I felt that they were getting a little long. Sometimes you described how the character was moving or feeling in three different (really cool) ways, but you could have just picked the best one and stuck with that. Plus, filling up your story with too much descriptive writing brings the word count up and leaves you having to cut down on other things like dialogue.

Anyways, I look forward to your next story! If, that is, you're still writing. :duck:

Lyi

6375936
I am definitely still writing! In case you missed it, I had a little notice at the bottom of the story-this story is currently being edited and still in work. Especially the dialogue :derpytongue2:. Thanks for the input, I'll take what you said into consideration for this story, and for future ones :).

I don't know what it is about him, but I like his look. :trollestia:

I don't know what it is about him, but I like his look. :trollestia:

Login or register to comment