• Member Since 13th Oct, 2013
  • offline last seen Jul 3rd, 2015

Phony15


I am a brony, i love to write and i am FILLED with ideas, i don't care if i get big or not i just want to share my ideas


Comments ( 11 )

sniper stories are my favorite, right up next to the tank crews, this sounds interesting, i will keep watching this for more!

If nobody else has done so yet, allow me to welcome you to the Fallout Equestria community, if you need help please look in any of the three main groups (of which I have taken the liberty of adding your story to).

For help, please feel free to consult Interloper's FoE Survival Guide.

Chances are it'll answer all your questions, if not then feel free to ask the forums.

Again, welcome to the community, and I wish you luck in all of your wastelandic endeavors.

Also, in my personal opinion, the crossover tag can be removed if you so choose, but that's a discussion for another time.

5462173 Thanks Lord Baron!

5462179 Thanks for the introduction man! I am feelin' quite a bit of love from the community ^-^

I can't say this story is bad, but it is in need of polishing in some places.

- I'm with 5462179, you don't need the crossover-tag, if you don't intend to make a crossover of Fallout Equestria and something else. Additionally I don't think you need the AU tag either, again, unless you're doing an alternate Fallout Equestria universe.

- One of the biggest issues I have is your excessive use of "I" as the start of a sentence. Vary a bit, it looks much better. Make dependent clauses and so on. It doesn't make the story bad, having a lot of different ways to open a sentence just looks more professional.

- You should pay attention to your capitalization. Especially the "I"s, you've got a lot of those, so make sure they are done properly.

- Sometimes you missword things, such as

I cheeked my old pocket watch

, pay attetnion to those things and make sure you really write down what you intended to write down.

- The chapter names... if you don't give them individual names, make it at least "Chapter 1" or "Chapter One", don't do a double dot as if "1" would be the name of your chapter. It looks really weird.

- The story feels... quick... and that's most likely due to its low word count. I don't say it's a bad thing. If someone manages to tell a good tale with few words, I'm fine with that, but I still would recommend to make the chapters a bit longer.







The thing I would correct the most if I were you is the capitalization of you "I"s. It something very basic even we as speakers of foreign languages learn very early in our life. It's really important, just believe me.

On a different note:
Welcome to the awesome world of Fallout Equestria and Fallout Equestria byproducts. Check out the link our G-Man gave to you and since you already are under my genjutsu continue writing. It's the only way we as authors can improve.

5471476 Thanks for the tips. I really need a editor but i am sure i could fix that stuff my self.

5471476
Nope, still needs the AU since it's an AU from normal FiM.

5476949
I don't think the FoE-world is an alternate universe, since it was a possible future for Equestria when the story was written, but I can't really argue with what the formidable Knighty said.

All hail to Knighty, the all-powerful.

5485133
When it was written, since then things have changed.

Honestly, anything that changes canon is technically AU, in theory all fics are AU, but honestly, ones that have literally made their own universe, are the definition of AU.

I am happy that we can say that FoE, is one such fic.

5486034 Well it would HAVE to be AU, in the first story the elements are used in/as the G.E.K.O. even though by the cannon it was put into the tree, But i mean it WAS made before the season was even thought about :P

5485133 Oh. I remembered, about the chapters being quick.. Thats kinda the point, i like being able to make small quick chapters almost everyday. Maybe it makes the story a bit more... Floppy but hey, it also makes it easier to read! I guess...

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