• Member Since 5th Nov, 2011
  • offline last seen Apr 14th, 2012

Blankments


E

When their daily machine malfunctions, Phineas, Ferb and the gang get stranded in Ponyville! Meanwhile, Doof's latest -inator causes him and Perry to land in Canterlot! Will they ever return to Danville and the Tri-State Area?

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 41 )

HA HA tracked.

This is . . . perfect. A perfect synthesis of both shows. I'm hearing the dialogue in the characters' voices as I read, and Doof's lines are particularly hilarious. :rainbowlaugh:

It had to be done at some point...:derpytongue2:

looking forward to seeing where this goes. havent really seen your charactarization of the mane 6 yet, but if phineas and the gang are any indication. i'm sure it'll be great. i dont rate stories from just the first chapter, but you're on track for a 4-4.5. keep it up!

Comment posted by Cunt_Crusader deleted Jul 31st, 2014
#6 · Nov 5th, 2011 · · ·

This is... eh.

As a fan of both shows, I can tell you that the general characterization is down pretty pat, but the writing style leaves a lot to be desired. There's no real attempt to add much of any description to actions and as a result it can be hard to see where things are going or what exactly is happening. Some areas are simply long strings of dialogue that appear to jump from one area to another without any explanation or elaboration, which can completely baffle the mind and make it so that you can't tell exactly what is going on.

Furthermore, a lot of the time you do try to add some description or elaboration, it comes across rather blandly and awkwardly. For example, in the Perry section, you say "in despair" or "with terror" like... six times in the span of what can't even be a page. It's a little repetetive and gets old incredibly quickly.

It also seems to move very fast. Too fast really. For how long it is it honestly feels like a drive-by story. You may want to take some time to slow down, elaborate, and give a sense of atmosphere, emotion, reaction, and environment. As it is it just feels like we're trying to rush to a finish.

Also, I can't help but admit that I'm rather sick of stories where the heroes turn into ponies. That's just me though.

Basically, this story would do really REALLY well as some sort of animation, where the visual medium could take care of all the atmosphere, reaction, environment, emotion, and pacing, simply through being able to see everything going on rather than it needing to be described for us, but in the written medium it sorta falters a fair bit.

Not a BAD story, but from a technical standpoint it may need some work.

Nice concept though.

#7 · Nov 8th, 2011 · · ·

CANT....COMPREHEND....EPICNESS :derpyderp2::derpyderp1:

#8 · Nov 9th, 2011 · · ·

Definetly a good idea.
I do not understand why you gave some of them a white mane but this story has big potential.
I can truly see a scene where Perry and Angel meet for the first time and also one about the reaktions when the rest of the mane 6 are there(especialy Pinky)

#9 · Nov 12th, 2011 · · ·

Oh, Celestia! this is priceless! I am SERIOSULY gonna try to track this story! It's funny how some people actually made references to the show already:
"I needed to be twenty percent eviler"
"And then Jeremy said, 'Oatmeal, are you crazy?'"

HAH! Priceless! Can't wait to see what everypony's gonna do now!

Overall, pretty enjoyable. You have the characterization nailed on the Phineas and Ferb characters. Just two places where I thought you fell down the stairs:

1) I would think Doofenschmirtz would be EAGER to tell Luna stories. He loves a good story/musical number.
2) Perry just passing out after Doof ends up pinned felt kind of arbitrary to me. Perry's pretty tough and not prone to fainting from stress.

:pinkiehappy:

34266

For #1, he's talking to a pony. Not only that, a talking Alicorn from an alternate universe. I think he'll be too shocked and surprised to want to say anything.

y u no make moar

Revised first chapter is up. I promise, a real second chapter will be up by the end of the month.

Blankments, you better get a new one up real soon! The first chapter was so awesome, I insta-tracked it. :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

Tracked. The dialog is spot on for both shows. The descriptions for the ponified kids seem off to me. You have Ferb with a purple coat and green mane/hair, but then you have Phineas with an Orange coat and white hair? Huh? Shouldn't it be the other way around?

Last seen online: 8 weeks, 5 days ago

I take that to mean the story is pretty much dead. A shame too, it was such a promising start... Phineas and Ferb needs more love, it is a really good cartoon.

R.I.P

Awesome story :applecry:

could be stuck at school. I am sometimes but i get work done real fast. really really fast. faster than you say AAAAAAApplloosa.

I'm back. I'm not telling you when to expect chapter 2 this time, but I am working on it. I'll attempt to adjust to a regular schedule starting in June, but I think Chapter 2 deserves to come out as soon as possible.

Need moar *Y U No face*

I LOVE PHINEAS AND FERB! It's so cool!

I love it, please make more

Please continue this! I love it!!!!:heart:

This is pretty good, but there's not much action. Everybody's kind of like, okay, I'll go along with everything. But other than that it's really good.

1029037
To be fair, that tends to be the way they act whenever something happens.

Also, this needs to update, like, naow.

Strange how Issabell isn't jumping alovet the place

41785
He's an anthropomorphic platypus working for a secret agency that only employs animals to thwart the petty plans of a pharmacist evil scientist who he somehow befriended despite them hating each other. You'd think he'd be pretty used to the weird.

2936180 good point. Very good point.

This reads just like an episode of Phineas and Ferb.

Interesting story, but is it dead? I hope not :twilightsmile:

4658761 *whispers* I think it 's deeeeaad

4771586 quick i need 60cc's of sugar cube corner cupcakes and a pinkie pie stat! :pinkiehappy: we will torment the author with them until he or she revives! :pinkiehappy::twilightsmile:

4771990 Waaay ahead of you *opens truck full off sugary sweets* :pinkiecrazy:

4774278 "Very good!" *begins shoving cupcakes down the authors throat trying to revive them* :pinkiehappy:

4774528 Crap he's choking! *pulls out toilet plunger* I'll fix it!

4774711 I do hope thats a brand new one :rainbowlaugh:

4777830 uhh....*slyly throws toilet plunger away, grabbing a new one in the process*

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