How about just one more game?

Three months have gone by since the "battle of the bands" incident. Without their magic, it is inevitable that they would end up on the street. Rough times ahead are a guarantee, but fate is never so cruel.

The Dazzling's have been given a deal that, if met, will return them to Equestria. But their new quest will be no easy ride, and Adagio is convinced that she will not leave the human world until she finds her sister, Aria.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 20 )

Viewing 1 - 50 of 20
- Newest First
- Oldest First

CuttlefishDreamer

CuttlefishDreamer #1 · Dec 21st, 2014 · 3 · · Prologue: Phone bills are expensive ·

Huh. This was a rather unique look at the aftermath of the movie. I really enjoyed the feel of it; that sentimental reflective outlook on things like the phones and Jenga. I especially love the moment when Sonata listens to Aria's recording; that was a great way to tie things together.

My biggest complaint would probably be that Adagio's dialogue felt a bit 'off'. This line in particular being the strongest offender (in my opinion):

Adagio had enough of this. She rapidly approached Aria. "Just shut up! All you ever do is act hateful toward everything and yell at Sonata when something- anything goes wrong!"

Another thing that might have helped improve your story is to maybe have extended it and had a few more flashbacks/ current events that parallel, coming together for the final moment when Aria leaves+Sonata listens to the message. That way the reader may get sucked in and invested in the sequence of events, and the final moment would hit really hard. Of course, that's just my opinion, and your story is still pretty good as is. :) Good work!

Imperator Knoedel

Imperator Knoedel #2 · Dec 22nd, 2014 · 3 · · Prologue: Phone bills are expensive ·

Seasonal clothes, a skateboard, an extra coffee table, ect.

*etc

After placing it with the other blocks on top the tower leaned and fell on Adagio, some of the blocks landing her drink.

*landing in her drink

419 times she had made the tower fell.

*fall

One of them had list of purchases over the last month and another had a list over overly due bills.

*had a list

Sweet story.

indigenous

indigenous #3 · Dec 22nd, 2014 · · · Prologue: Phone bills are expensive ·

Thanks for the comment! Originally the role of Aria and Adagio was reversed. But after some thought I decided to change it. I'm not good at characterization, of any kind. I'll always be a better artist than a writer but I guess It's alright.
Thanks for the positive comment though, I didn't think id get one. Lots of people get sick of sad fics.

indigenous

indigenous #4 · Dec 22nd, 2014 · · · Prologue: Phone bills are expensive ·

5410033
A proof reader
Santa came early! I read it a few times to try and catch mistakes but I knew I couldn't get all of them. Thank you

Imperator Knoedel

Imperator Knoedel #5 · Dec 23rd, 2014 · · · Prologue: Phone bills are expensive ·

5410544 Hm, so you don't have an editor?

indigenous

indigenous #6 · Dec 23rd, 2014 · · · Prologue: Phone bills are expensive ·

5413994
No, I don't. I've looked for one but the editor cloud is kinda a lucky shot. I also haven't made edits yet because of how busy I am with work and school, but christmas break is coming so ill have much more time

Imperator Knoedel

Imperator Knoedel #7 · Dec 23rd, 2014 · · · Prologue: Phone bills are expensive ·

5415638 Hmmmmmm maybe I could offer my services?

indigenous

indigenous #8 · Dec 23rd, 2014 · · · Prologue: Phone bills are expensive ·

5415712
If you're up to it, sure c: I'd love to have an editor. But I must go to school now, I'll reply back when I get home tonight.

Imperator Knoedel

Imperator Knoedel #9 · Dec 23rd, 2014 · · · Prologue: Phone bills are expensive ·

5415746 Well I'm already correcting mistakes left and right whenever I read something, might as well do it in a more organized fashion.

Shadow_Wolf

Shadow_Wolf #10 · Mar 19th, 2015 · · · Prologue: Phone bills are expensive ·

I really liked this

indigenous

indigenous #11 · Mar 22nd, 2015 · · · Prologue: Phone bills are expensive ·

5755121
Oh, thank you very much! It's kinda strange that this story has just been sitting around un-edited and all of a sudden it gained a bunch of views

ColdGoldLazarus

ColdGoldLazarus #12 · May 29th, 2015 · · · Prologue: Phone bills are expensive ·

Wow, this was very interesting; I love how it all came together at the end. Love the symbolism of the Jenga Blocks. Still very sad, though, too.

indigenous

indigenous #13 · May 29th, 2015 · 1 · · Prologue: Phone bills are expensive ·

6033359
Thanks for the comment didn't know people could still find this story

ColdGoldLazarus

ColdGoldLazarus #14 · May 30th, 2015 · · · Prologue: Phone bills are expensive ·

6033461 Not a problem; I was browsing for AriSona fics when I came across this, and it looked interesting.

MelodyBlackheart

MelodyBlackheart #15 · Jun 30th, 2015 · · · Prologue: Phone bills are expensive ·

~~Will be there a sequel?~~
Great but very sad story

indigenous

indigenous #16 · Jul 2nd, 2015 · · · Prologue: Phone bills are expensive ·

Thanks for the comment ^_^ and I have been rough drafting a sequel that deals with them trying to get back to equestria together. But I'm torn on whether or not to fully write it out.

BenRG

BenRG #17 · Feb 2nd, 2016 · · · Prologue: Phone bills are expensive ·

There is something quiet, sad and hopeless about this story. They've got nothing left, with Aria's flight (maybe suicide?) they aren't even guaranteed to have each other. In some ways, at least Sonata has a childlike inability to fully grasp what is happening to them. Adagio has, in many ways, to be the strength for both of them... if she can.

indigenous

indigenous #18 · Feb 3rd, 2016 · · · Prologue: Phone bills are expensive ·

6897439
Perhaps only time will tell, thanks for the comment. <3

jaroslav

jaroslav #19 · Jun 8th, 2016 · · · Prologue: Phone bills are expensive ·

She and the other girls would hypnotize their landlord, and persuade him not to demand any sort of payment.

Problem with this would be he would have to be permanently hypnotized. Because next day he would realize they didn't pay. The only solution would be get money for their own house.

It's a pitty that you ended it with prologue. It looks like interesting story.

forbloodysummer