Discord & Discourse

by Brass Polish

2 The Origami Guards

“You can hear things from the other side of the sinkhole, right?” Twilight asked Discord.

“Why do you think I’ve been muzzling you three?” Discord rolled his second pair of eyes. “If those guards hear us, they’ll spring out. I gotta be ready for all three of them.”

“OK, so why don’t Applejack, Rainbow Dash and I go in and pretend to yell words of encouragement to a bunch of ponies who are trying to fight you. The guards will go up to try and help you and when they do, we’ll shout a code word to you and that’ll be your cue to disarm them.”

Discord thought about it. He couldn’t see any problems.

“And then you get us outta there,” Twilight added sternly.

“You’re lucky you remembered,” Discord smirked. “What do you say? You game?”

Applejack and Rainbow Dash looked at each other, and then nodded.

“I could give you your wings back,” said Discord, “but there’d be no point. Like I said, you won’t be able to use them in there.”

“I’d like my wings back anyway, please,” Rainbow Dash insisted.

“So, you have got manners,” Discord snapped his fingers and Twilight’s and Rainbow’s wings were restored.

The three ponies walked to the edge of the sinkhole. Discord tore his extra face off the back of his head and ate it.

“We’ll have to jump in so it looks like Discord threw us,” Twilight whispered.

“Why don’t I actually throw you in?” asked Discord.

“I’d prefer ya didn’t touch me,” Applejack shuddered a bit.

“So what’s the code word?” asked Rainbow Dash.

“How about mousetraps?” Discord suggested.

“Mousetraps?”

“I used to make them grow in the roads back in the day,” Discord was trying not to laugh.

“We’ll just say Now,” said Applejack.

“Alright, girls,” Twilight said quietly as they neared the point of no return. “Are you ready?”

Applejack and Rainbow Dash nodded. And just before Twilight told them to jump, Discord playfully kicked them into the center of the whirlpool.

There was no doubt that the other side of the sinkhole was made by Discord. It was a large circular room made of dirt, and the walls were rotating along with bizarre paintings and odd decorations. It was like an inside-out merry-go-round made of madness. Any pony who’d been imprisoned in there would probably go insane before their first hour. But the deranged atmosphere wasn’t the first thing Twilight, Applejack and Rainbow Dash noticed after they picked themselves up off the dirty ground. From behind a statue of a baffled-looking giant flea came the paper crane, the paper star and the paper plane.

“What’s this?” came a voice from the crane. “Have we got some prisoners?”

The ponies looked up at the entrance.

“Don’t let him throw y’all in!” called Applejack.

“You can beat him! Keep fighting!” shouted Rainbow Dash.

“Oh! Discord’s got some enemies here!” exclaimed Overflap. “Crimper, Ink Jet, let’s go exploring!”

High above them, all was not well. The 9:30 from Ponyville to Canterlot was approaching the capital. In the last carriage, Vinyl Scratch and Octavia were helping the conductor, who had dropped his cashbox on his way back to the rear of the train and broke it. The three of them had just entered the brake van with the broken box and about 148 bits when everypony onboard suddenly lurched forward. The driver had slammed the brakes on. The rickshaw Twilight, Applejack and Rainbow Dash had taken to Canterlot was lying in the middle of the track on the rail bridge.

Discord was waiting for the code word when he heard a loud clanging noise followed by countless loud screams. He broke his concentration and looked up. The train had derailed and was falling off the bridge, along with everypony onboard.

“Oh, great!” groaned Discord. “Looks like they didn’t get the memo.”

Discord had no choice but to look away from the sinkhole and rescue the train, and don’t worry; he did it in style. He extended his snakelike body, twisted, veered, looped and slithered under the locomotive. He’d become a rollercoaster for the falling train.

“Applejack can’t say I haven’t changed now,” he said as the train zigzagged to the bottom of the gorge.

But it didn’t look that way to his guards.

“Look at that!” shouted Ink Jet excitedly. “He really does have a trainload of prisoners for us!”

Derpy was approaching the bridge and was horrified when she saw the train had fallen off the bridge. The conductor had managed to save himself, Vinyl Scratch and Octavia by disconnecting the brake van from the rest of the train, but as soon as they got off and ran across the bridge, the van toppled right over and plummeted into the gorge.

“Let’s get collecting,” said Crimper excitedly.

Discord jumped when he realised that his guards had got out, but before he could try to magic them into submission, the empty brake van landed on his head knocking him out. His body shortened and he fell into the whirlpool. Overflap, Crimper and Ink Jet didn’t notice as they had flown into the coaches before the passengers had a chance to recover from the shock they’d just experienced.

“He better let us out when he’s done,” said Rainbow Dash.

“He will,” said Twilight. “He may be a goon, but he is doing something for Equestria’s benefit for the first time in his life.”

No sooner had Twilight said this when the unconscious Discord fell on her.

“What in the name of zap apple pie happened to him?!” cried Applejack.

It wasn’t long before the spinning enclosure had more guests. Dozens of terrified ponies began pouring in.

“Those guards are on the loose!” Twilight exclaimed.

The three taskforce members began shouting in Discord’s ear and shaking him about trying to get him to wake up, while their fellow prisoners looked at the rotating décor of weirdness.

From the bridge, Vinyl Scratch, Octavia, Derpy and the conductor were just looking down from the edge when Crimper shot up from the depths of the gorge. It spun around and ran right into the conductor, who shrieked as he was suddenly swept off his hooves, zoomed down into the gorge and disappeared into the sinkhole below.

“Run for it!” Vinyl shouted as Crimper rebounded and its fellow guards flew up to the bridge.

They split up and fled the bridge as fast as they could, but each one was being pursued.

Vinyl Scratch ran down the track away from Canterlot and Overflap, wishing very much that she could have learned how to teleport if Rarity wasn’t a one-trick pony. There was no one else around, so she was on her own as she ran from the quickly approaching paper crane. Suddenly, her horn began to light up. Then, in a field to her right, she saw something shine in the grass. She got an idea. She veered to the right to the spot her horn was leading her to and dug as fast as she could.

“Your magic can’t help you!” came the steadily louder voice of Overflap.

Vinyl wheeled around and thrust out a glittering diamond the size of a chipmunk. Overflap stopped and landed on the ground in front of Vinyl Scratch staring intently at the sparkling gem.

“Shiny…”

Overflap might had been a paper bird, but it was a bird nonetheless. Vinyl Scratch tossed the diamond aside and Overflap caught it completely ignoring her. She stepped discreetly away from the crane and when she was sure it was distracted, she pelted back towards the capital.

“Nice one, Rarity,” she said quietly as she left the mesmerized Overflap behind.

Crimper was closing in on Octavia as she sprinted through the deserted streets of Canterlot. She couldn’t fly or use magic, so she tried to run into a building. But the door was locked and because she’d stopped, Crimper was now right in front of her face. She squealed… then she bounced like she’d been doing for almost an hour under Pinkie Pie’s instruction. Crimper went right under her missing completely. Octavia started panting as Crimper spun round for another attempt at sending the earth pony packing. Octavia bounced again, even higher.

“Hold still!” shouted Crimper as it veered back towards her.

Thinking quickly, Octavia shuffled away from the door, judged her moment and jumped over Crimper just in time. There was a slight crunching noise and when Octavia looked behind her, she saw the paper star wedged in the outside wall.

“Oh, for the love of flipbooks!” Crimper moaned as it wiggled up and down in a futile attempt to free itself.

Octavia darted off feeling relieved and rather proud.

Ink Jet was on Derpy’s tail as she ascended towards the clouds above Canterlot.

“You can’t get away from me!” Ink Jet yelled up to her.

Derpy suddenly flinched. Ink Jet’s voice sounded uncannily familiar to her. It strongly reminded her of a bully who used to taunt her for being clumsy in school. She used to have a hard time avoiding him because she often fell down when she ran away, and she didn’t know how to fly at that time. The memory of this seemed to boost Derpy’s wing power. She picked up speed.

“Get back here!” shouted Ink Jet.

The more Derpy made herself think her old bully was chasing her, the faster she went until soon, she was flying faster than Ink Jet and it couldn’t catch her before she disappeared into a cluster of clouds. Ink Jet flew around for several minutes trying to find her, but it didn’t see her until she zoomed downwards back towards the capital.

“I’m gonna get you, you lousy pony!” the paper plane bellowed, giving chase.

But it didn’t. Derpy flew onward and soon lost Ink Jet in a tree. Minutes later, she darted out of her hiding place and this time, the plane didn’t spot her.

“That was the most graceful flying I’ve ever done!” Derpy smiled before ramming into Octavia.

Vinyl Scratch was there too and as she helped them up, a castle guard ran up to them.

“What are you all doing out here?” he demanded in a hushed voice. “There is a lockdown.”

The three Ponyvillians hurriedly told him about the train not getting the message and the origami guards springing up from the gorge outside the city.

“I’ll inform Princess Celestia,” said the guard, and his horn emitted a light which flickered on and off. Octavia guessed that he must’ve been sending a magic Morse Code message to the princess. Vinyl Scratch thought he was trying to start a disco.

Ink Jet was fuming while it searched the trees for Derpy. Like the other guards, it was only after the ponies it had seen at the scene of the train derailment as they believed them to be Discord’s prisoners. So Ink Jet didn’t go anywhere else until it spotted Derpy, Vinyl Scratch and Octavia in the distance standing next to a large fir tree.

“Ha! All three of them,” it said and veered towards them.

The three ponies were looking away from the trees, but they knew Ink Jet was coming. Vinyl had taken her sunglasses off and they were using the reflection to watch the paper airplane advance on them.

“Got ya now!” it yelled, causing Derpy to twitch. She was still picturing her bully.

But what a surprise befell Ink Jet when Princess Celestia erupted from the fir tree and zapped it. Before it knew what was happening, it was unfolded. Now it was just a lifeless sheet of paper. Vinyl Scratch, Octavia and Derpy turned around and watched worriedly as Princess Celestia stepped away from the fir and prodded the piece of paper with her hoof.

The princess exhaled. “Your guess was right, Octavia. If they can be unfolded, they’ll shut down.”

“Well then, I’ll lead you to the paper star,” Octavia said, leading the way to the building she’d been bouncing around.

Crimper hadn’t managed to get itself unstuck, so it was easy for Princess Celestia to sneak up on it and unfold it. Now it was just an ordinary sheet of paper, one corner of which still stuck in the wall. Then Vinyl Scratch took Princess Celestia to the field where she’d found the diamond. Sure enough, Overflap was still looking at it marvelling at the shine. Soon, there was nothing in front of the diamond but a flat, white square.

“What?! Where- who’s- where are my guards?!”

Discord had woken up.

“Quick, Discord! The guards have been running loose in Canterlot for hours!” Twilight urged Discord onto his feet.

“Well, why didn’t you tell me earlier?” joked the Draconequus as he scooped Twilight, Applejack and Rainbow Dash into his unalike hands and carried them briskly up to the entrance. As soon as they were outside…

“Not to worry, everyone,” Princess Celestia announced. “The guards have been dealt with.”

Discord, Twilight, Applejack and Rainbow Dash were very surprised to see Vinyl Scratch, Derpy and Octavia with Princess Celestia.

“I wonder if you wouldn’t mind,” the princess said to Twilight, “if I made these three honourary members of Ponyville’s Royal Taskforce.”

Once the whole story had come out from both sides, Discord went back into the sinkhole to free the passengers.

“So how was it working with Discord?” asked Princess Celestia.

Rainbow Dash groaned. “Totally insane.”

“But he was looking out for us and made sure we’d be alright,” Twilight insisted.

“He might’ve been crazy at first,” said Applejack with a smirk, “but I kinda liked his behaviour when we were all in the prison hole. He was nice and quiet and he wasn’t bothering anypony.”

Two halves of a cash box suddenly flew out of the sinkhole and hit Applejack and Rainbow Dash from behind.

“I can hear you!” came Discord’s voice before he emerged with the conductor and some other passengers.

“You should’ve seen the looks on their faces,” Fluttershy hardly looked up from her root beer float since meeting Rarity and Pinkie Pie at Sugarcube Corner after their lectures had ended. “I hope Rainbow Dash never has to cancel a lesson again.”

“We’re supposed to be members of the royal taskforce,” grumbled Rarity. “Now we’re just the laughing stock of Ponyville.”

At that moment, Spike bustled in carrying three scrolls.

“There you guys are,” he panted. “I’ve got mail for you.”

He handed them each a scroll and they read them. Pinkie Pie leapt into the air cheering.

“Octavia says she liked my lesson!” she cried. “She said she used what I taught her to escape from a nasty situation.”

“Oh, my,” said Rarity in surprise. “It seems my lesson wasn’t a waste either. Vinyl Scratch says she’s sorry for criticizing my gem finding spell.”

Fluttershy smiled for the first time that day. “Derpy thanked me for telling her how to use state of mind to overcome danger.”

All three of them felt much better, but they couldn’t help but wonder why the papers their letters were written on were festooned with fold marks.

Author's Note:

I liked it better in Princess Twilight Sparkle when Discord didn't bother to tell anyone about something her left behind.

Comments

[VoxelTron]

A wild comment has appeared!
In all seriousness, I could actually see an episode occuring like this. And of course Discord is a pleasure regardless of the medium. Thanks for another entertaining read!