• Member Since 29th Mar, 2014
  • offline last seen Jun 7th, 2018

Derec mc coy


Your favorite jackass is back from the dead. be aware.

E

Com Hurri just rolled into Ponyville. She tries to settle in, and Pinkie Pie is prepared to do everything to give her a good time. But good turns into wonderful when she meets a very, particular pony...

A pony who makes her feel special. maybe even.... beloved...
but how does she gain the heart of this Rainbow maned dare devil?

starring Com Hurri
cover art..... also by Com :yay:
and of course Com's Note: This ship is a crackship and thus should not be taken seriously
special thanks to..... Com Hurri....
Who says up late to write this story? who comes up with the story line? me.... XD

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 69 )

5244658 hehe ever thought you would have your own story?

5244680 well... now you have! :pinkiehappy:

But those times turn wonderful when she meets a very, particular pony...

Just take a good look at that sentence...

5245580 *braindead persone awakes from his sleep*
I see... words.... forming a sentence.... grammatically incorrect..... only mistake in the whole story.....

5245580 sorry... didn't meen to be rude.... I fixed it. what do you think now?

Rule #1 of writing: Capitalize your title properly.

5245618 Holy shit, lol! That was actually a funny response. As for the fixing it thing... No. I still see something wrong with it. But considering I'm the only person who commented on it, I doubt many people have or will read it so it's really no problem. You say it's the only probem in the story? I guess I should actually read the story now to find out. 1221

“...Huh," an Earth pony managed to mumble, "what the hay?”.

Punctuation does not go after the quotation marks. It goes before, so you would end it with, "What the hay?" Also, I think if huh is an interjection, it would be it's own sentence and not have a comma afterwards.

She stroked her long, ruffled blonde hair out of her face

Missing oxford comma

She saw she was sat by a table and a room with mahogany stools, some were crooked and dented, neatly placed around a long wooden counter.

I'm really not sure how to put into words what is wrong with this one... Well first, you may want to replace 'She saw she was sat' to 'She saw that she was sitting'. Next, 'room with mahogany stools, some were crooked and dented, neatly placed around a long wooden counter.' Well... This is actually a problem I've found a lot with many of my stories, and I'm not sure how to best fix it. What I usually do is remove the unnecessary detail if I can't make it look neat and proper.

Behind her were a few tables much like the one she was sitting on- most of which were not clean.

Hmm... I'm not sure if the rule of this one is called Direct Address or restating your appositives. Whatever the title, this is how the sentence should be appropriately spelled. 'Behind her were a few tables, much like the one she was sitting on, most of which were not clean.'

I don't have time to read further right now, I'll get back to this maybe. Later! :trollestia:

5245720
Fahk. That's my bad. xD I edited this story...and I'm also the main character of the story. Mwuhahaha. I'll go fix it in Google docs and then tell whatshisface to put it in.

5244696
YO DEREC GUY GO CHANGE THE FIRST CHAPTER TO THIS: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1I4Rg5O0426cZPPJ9gfCGZ7wCxZ7_XbUYgFYWf3oTNpg/edit?usp=sharing

YAH JUST COPY AND PASTE LIKE LAST TIME
USING PRIVATE MESSAGES TAKE TOO MUCH EFFORT WHEN THEY'RE GLITCHING SLIGHTLY WELL IDK LOL I M NOT DRUNK I SWE\R

5245668 YAY, you read it. I will fix it,
5245659 also the capitalisation
(thanks for the feedback. I really appriciate it)

5246904 OKAY....
I DON'T THINK YOU'RE DRUNK!!! i JUST THINK YOU AREN'T SOBER.....

5247079
Oh and in the story's long description can you put this please:

Editor's Note: This ship is a crackship and thus should not be taken seriously

5246885 whatshisface? thank you....:ajbemused::trollestia:

5247417 oh my god.... that's big....

5247421
How about this:
poo

5247427 so big.... I can't even read it....

5247430
You know what else is big?

5247518
Exactly. I have taught you well.

5247539 I don't learn.... I know...

5247544
But I know everything.

5247546 :coolphoto: you have knowledge... I have wisdom :coolphoto:

5247549
And I also have swag and class. Seriously though, people at my school say I'm posh and classy. then I'm like "Er, kay" :rainbowlaugh:

5247561 I'm the one with the jokes and mojo... :pinkiehappy: the little know it all... you know... the one with just a few friends, but good friends...
but yeah.... you are poch and classy

5247569
I am everypony combined. I have multiple personality disorder. :rainbowdetermined2: #2swag4u

5247574 I belief that.... because I don't use the word 'swag'
really, Mojo is way better...

5247594 that's what everybody says! :pinkiehappy: but I actually use it from austin powers and the 80's...
remember those rollerskating hiphoppers with afros?

5247596
I HAVE A FUCKING POWER PUFF GIRLS BED COVER!

5247599 me when I have one of my CD's on

5247601 :rainbowlaugh: I adore you at moments like these...:rainbowlaugh:

5247604
Why thank you. :trollestia:

5247645 ... if you like pina colada...

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