• Member Since 17th Aug, 2014
  • offline last seen Saturday

The Cynical Brony

"(The Cynical Brony would get arrested for) Complaining about other people's opinions in a coffee shop and ending up slapping the shit out of someone. :rainbowlaugh:" -The Hat Mann


Pinkie Pie opens up a tourist trap in hopes of earning the Cakes some more money. She and her friends are the first to go, the gang happy to help out Pinkie. What Pinkie forgot to mention is that the attraction is and endless hole in the earth. Now, the Mane 6 are falling down, presumably forever. With no-one able to teleport or fly, what choice do they have but to pass the time telling stories? Inspired by the Gravity Falls episode of the same name.

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 16 )
Comment posted by The Cynical Brony deleted Nov 3rd, 2014

Unless your story contains a human named Brad, I'd suggest fixing dat title, bro(ny).:derpyderp2:

Also, -1000 word chapters? Prepare4Hate.:twilightoops:


Comment posted by The Cynical Brony deleted Nov 3rd, 2014

5220664 Never mind... I just noticed that. I'll fix it. :twilightblush:

I'd strongly recommend not using larger font sizes to emphasize your shouting. It's like comically-large breast implants: we know its fake, you know its fake, and suddenly nobody takes it seriously.

Also, why is your prologue twice as long as your first chapter? This is all very strange.

Comment posted by The Cynical Brony deleted Aug 8th, 2015
Comment posted by The Cynical Brony deleted Aug 8th, 2015

Okay, it's rather hard to read with everything clumped together. I think you many want to space you sentences out. The context is sporadic especially with how the character's actions are presented. Not everything needs to be explained unless its plot specific. Dealing with dialogue, who's talking and all that, I'm not certain who's talking and that detracts from the story because it presents a problem to a reader to identify who's who.

There's too little structure here honestly. I don't know what to make of this chapter here.

Oh... you were referring to this story. I thought you were talking about my reviews... :twilightblush:
I'll freely admit that this story is complete garbage.

Do you know those times when you get a paper cut?

This is that paper cut. You also do not have any band aids around, so everyone is laughing at you because they think you are a pansy for wanting a band aid for the cut, so you are stuck to suck up the sharp pain while also being humiliated.


6013126 I'm well aware of the story's quality. I just have it up for its few fans.
EDIT: Nevermind!

"This group is for disgruntled writers who are not the best, but like to be sarcastic assholes to everyone else about their stories."

6013163 Ah shit, I forgot that I submitted it. :twilightsheepish:
Sorry for that.

Princess of Edits beat me to reviewing this. Regardless, I've made sure to abstain from reading their review until I've finished writing mine. Once more, I apologize that it's taking so long, but I've really been trying to make sure I explain every point thoroughly, and that takes a while (especially given how I only have a little bit of free time nowadays.) Cheers :pinkiesmile:

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