When shining armour and cadence finally get married, luna has a sudden lust for shining, and cadence will have to compete with THAT kind of love...
Chapters (3)
- Member Since 24th Oct, 2014
- offline last seen Nov 25th, 2014
PrincessSongBird
Hey guys....I'm leavening this site, I'm a horrible writer, I'm being bullied in real life, and I can't take it, this thing was the only thing to keep me happy, but now, its nothing, bye...forever.
PrincessSongBird
Joined 24th Oct, 2014 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Snake Staff · 2.5k words · 254 7 · 3.9k views
- DemonBrightSpirit · 4.4k words · 538 25 · 9.2k views
- Ifitsleeps · 18k words · 476 19 · 8.1k views
- The Devious Writer · 1k words · 19 3 · 978 views
- Touch the Sky · 4.8k words · 1,397 24 · 19k views
- ItsfromPeople · 14k words · 44 0 · 1.7k views
- Schrodinger's Pony · 48k words · 528 9 · 13k views
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.064 seconds
Total duration
766 users online
727,697 hits today, 2,364,530 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
5179405 Mind if I say this: I've a novel which took me five months and two days to complete, and it's a complete re-write of one of my early stories which was finished in mere days. Only reason it took five months and two days was because I updated on a near-daily basis, sometimes twice or thrice in a day. So, before you make another 'I took hours to make this' remark, please bear in mind people can and WILL hound you for this, as short as your story is. Perhaps it's good despite being short, perhaps it's not; all I know is I've yet to read it.
And, judging by what the wordcounts for each chapter are, the tags, and the short summary, I think I know what I'm about to delve into...
Extra tidbits, because reasons: hire three-fifteen editors and/or pre-readers, hop on G-docs with them, discuss your idea with them, and so forth. Kill your darlings (gut your writing for quality's sake) and show, don't tell.
It took you hours to write 1.4k words? Is that just major ADHD or are you just that slow at writing?
Also, looking at the description you might want a editor.
Expect a review!
5312087
Expect TWO reviews.
Chapter 1:
Why is this in Author's Note? You even misspelled coming.
Hr tag, this is what it is for.
*Shining Armor
Correction: Luna replied, her frown turning into a weak smile at her sister.
If you want:
Correction: "I'm okay, just a bit tired," Luna replied. Her frown turning into a weak smile at her sister.
Correction: Aurora
Correction: millennium
Correction: balcony
Correction: every once
Correction: Hoof
Correction: Petals
I'm pretty sure a Princess Luna would levitate the covers over her. Also, you misspelled laid.
Are you kidding me? This is just one short chapter with everything misspelled! I'm scared to even read the other chapters! They are short and choppy! Your pacing too fast and I cannot believe this took you 1 hour!
I'm already leaving a dislike because of this one chapter! Reasons, misuse of commas and periods. Pacing too fast, and almost everything is misspelled! ~ Silver Spoon
5312204 For some reason, spellcheck insists Cadance be spelled Cadence.
And I just checked.
5312210 Oh really? Cool. I thought it was supposed to be Cadance I'll edit the review.
5312213 Ok.
5312182 Dun, dun, dun! I'm writing another review to the last two chapters. Because the first chapter had so many spelling errors. I'm afraid to read the rest because of all the errors in the first chapter.
5312224
I'm doing a Rage Review.
5312028
It did not take hours to write the chapters, it took hours to make the idea for the chapters.. Please don't hate me, this is my first story...
5312225 Can't wait to read it!
5312234
I'll Pm you the link!
5312226
Just because it's your first story, doesn't mean you get to be defended by constructive criticism.
5312226 I'm not hating on you, just fix all the errors in all the chapters. Maybe edit chapter 1 and 2 together and finish chapter 3. If chapter 1 and 2, doesn't add up to at least 800 or 900 words. Then edit chapters 1, 2, and 3 together.
5312226 And I'm giving out advise.
5312216 Besides the cadence error, what do you think?
5312242 I love the review.
5312244 Yes!
5312237
Sorry...it's just that there's some bad things going on in my life, Im being bullied, have bruises from them, iv been diagnosed with dyslexia, and my boyfriend just broke up with me, from lies from another girl...I'm just too sad.
5312249
Stop shielding yourself. It's not going to do any better.
If you truly have dyslexia, why didn't you get an editor to help you?
5312249
I just found out yesterday, this story i wrote was 6 weeks ago...
5312256
If it was written six weeks ago, what's with the comment saying that this took hours? I noticed it's four weeks old but you didn't think that it would be a good idea to look this over before publishing?
5312263
I did Did and i saw nothing wrong!!!!! WHY CAN'T YOU GUYS JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!
I hate that I'm getting hate comments!!!!
5312253
How is it that almost every time a story gets just dislikes and people say that they disliked it the author is apparently going through problems in life, is being bullied, and has some type of problem that hampers their abilities. Yet when they get likes and barely any dislikes, their the best authors in the world.
5312265
I dunno.
5312264 Reiteration: we're not hating; we're merely pointing out flaws in your arguments and your story, because we honestly want to see you grow as an author.
5312265 IDK.
5312265
I'm not the best author.....I'm a horrible person...and I admit it...
5312270
Look, I'm only 11 and I'm not lying about it okay? All my life iv just wanted to be an Author, my mother used to say i would make a great one from my big imagination, but now I know I'm just nothing...
5312276 Um, hate to break it to you, but you have to be at least 13 to even join this site. Gonna have to report, sorry.
5312280
Go ahead then, see if I care, I hate you all...
5312276
You have to be 13. Reported.
5312270
I don't think you are, I'm just annoyed with how everyone reacts when their story has bad reviews.
5312295
LOOK SEE IF I CARE!!!!! I hate you al!!!!!! I HATE MY LIFE!!!!
5312302 At first, I was confused by what you meant. Now I see what you mean.
5312308
Well, all of this is true.... Why can't I just get on one site, and not get bullied?
5312311 For the last time: you're not being bullied. We're trying to give advice (story and rule-following-wise), although we are rather harsh. Bullies are everywhere; just be glad we aren't calling you names or something.
5312313
But why can't you guys just stop?! Iv already had enough advice, and now its turning into a hateful comment section....
Chapter 2:
You mean mares right?
Why did you explain why he did it? We probably all know why he did it. Just say this: Discord stood up and ruffled Luna's flowing mane. It stopped flowing for a minute, but resumed shortly after.
Correction: "Oh, alright," Luna replied.
Correction: "See ya Luna!" Discord said. He smiled as he walked cheerfully out of Luna's room.
You mean: Heh, casual Discord, Luna thought. Or: Heh, normal Discord, Luna thought. Also, you forgot to capitalize the "D" in Discord.
Correction: special
Correction: Always eating paper out of spell books.
Correction: 'Luna, I have an announcement to make," Celestia said smiling.
First, I'm sure she would levitate the ring in the air. Second, why didn't she prepare some sort of reason after she announced this? Finally, shouldn't it be: "Luna, I'm engaged to Discord," Celestia announced. "He has shone me great respect and gratitude." Princess Celestia beamed with pride.
All of this just from chapter 2.... Adds on to the reason why I left a dislike. Though, there are some more errors that I might have left out. ~ Silver Spoon
5312320
Yes, i did... Dumb auto correct. (Btw, the reason it does that, is because this was all n an iPad.)
5312308
What did you think I said?
5312331
My brain shut down before I read between the lines.
5312333
Did it look like:
How is it when authors get dislikes on their story...they think their the best authors in the world.
5312342 Yeah, that part.