Is But A Drop of Sorrow
Pinkie Pie walked through the streets of Ponyville, her head down, her mane slightly deflated. A couple of the ponies that she passed tried to say something to her, but she ignored them all as she continued on her way. The usually upbeat party pony had no interest in anything or anypony else other than continuing on towards her destination. By now, she had nearly reached Princess Twilight Sparkle’s castle. But she was not interested in going to the castle today. Instead, she was going to visit the other four ponies whom she considered her closest friends.
As Pinkie Pie was going by her friend’s castle, the double doors at the front entrance opened, and Twilight Sparkle herself walked out, appearing to be deep in thought. Only when she almost ran right into Pinkie Pie did it seem like she was fully a part of the waking world. “Oh, Pinkie, I’m so sorry! I didn’t see you there.”
Pinkie looked up at her friend with dull eyes and said flatly, “It’s okay, Twilight. Are you going to visit them too?”
Twilight nodded, “Yeah, I was going to since it has been a while. Would you mind if I walked the rest of the way there with you?”
“No,” Pinkie replied in a listless tone. “You can come with me if you like, Twilight.”
Casting a look of concern at her friend but not saying anything, Twilight fell in beside Pinkie Pie as they continued to walk. Neither pony said anything; both were content with the somber silence that shrouded them and separated them from the rest of the world. A couple minutes after their unplanned meeting, they reached an empty field, which was behind Twilight’s castle, and which had four gravestones standing in its midst. Immediately upon seeing those gravestones, Pinkie Pie began to shake as tears streamed down both of her cheeks.
Twilight wrapped one of her wings tightly around her friend, and helped her to walk forward even though the lavender alicorn herself also had tears rolling silently down her cheeks. Even when the two ponies were standing directly in front of the gravestones, Twilight still kept her wing around Pinkie Pie, both to comfort her friend and to help steady herself. Shakily, both of their heads turned to look at the name and cutie mark engraved on the gravestone that was on the far left of the line.
Rarity lay in a hospital bed, her mane and tail were both gone, and her eyes had lost their usual vibrant shine. Standing around her bed were her five closest friends along with the one dragon she could always count on to be there for her, Spike. Although it was a struggle for the white unicorn, she forced herself to keep her head raised and her eyes open. In a weak, raspy voice, she said, “I’m sorry everypony. I shouldn’t be dying now, not with how much Equestria depends on us to protect it from threats. I should’ve fought harder, or I-I don’t know, I just, there had to have been something that I could do.”
Instantly, Twilight Sparkle grabbed Rarity’s hoof in her own and looked her unicorn friend in the eye as she said, “No, Rarity, this isn’t your fault. Nopony here believes that. It wasn’t your choice to get cancer, nor was it your choice to have had it be so far advanced when the doctors finally found out.”
Applejack stepped up next to Twilight as she added what few words she could manage, “Twi’s right ya know. Ain’t nopony in the Equestria who would blame you for this.”
Flying up above the bed, Rainbow Dash growled, "Don’t you dare blame yourself Rarity! The only ponies at fault here are those wretched doctors for not catching this sooner!”
The cyan pegasus fell back to the ground and curled herself into a tight ball as she wept. Fluttershy, who was unable to say anything, immediately went to comfort the athletic mare. Meanwhile, Spike had gone around to the other side of the bed to take Rarity’s other front hoof in his claws. He drew a shuddering breath before he choked out, “Rarity, I-I know that we never could have really had a relationship, but I want you to know that I will always cherish the friendship that we have. As one-sided as it is, love is still love, and I truly do love you Rarity. I always will.”
Gently, the young dragon bent down to kiss Rarity’s hoof. Tears in her eyes, the unicorn mare on the bed whispered, “I-I love you too. All of you…”
The five ponies and one dragon watched soundlessly as their friend’s eyes drifted shut, and she drew her last, shallow breath. They held each other for support as the full realization of what had just happened well and truly hit them.
Pinkie Pie’s head fell down onto Twilight’s shoulder as she began to shake with the force of her sobbing. For her part, Twilight was doing her best to stay strong, but, if one looked closely, they could see the slight tremors of her body as she too was crying harder than before, albeit more silently than her friend. Reluctantly, both ponies turned to look at the gravestone to the right of Rarity’s.
Apple Bloom ran towards Ponyville as fast as she could. Tears were streaming down her face, but still, she kept going. Above her, a cyan pegasus swooped down and started flying closer to her. “What’s wrong?” asked Rainbow Dash.
Still running, Apple Bloom choked out, “It’s mah sister. Sh-she got crushed under a beam of the new barn we were buildin’. Ah, ah need to find everypony else.”
Rainbow Dash nodded as she turned to fly towards Sweet Apple Acres to see if what Apple Bloom had just told her had killed her best friend. If asked, the pegasus mare would deny it, but still, she too was crying as she raced away.
Not long after her run in with Rainbow Dash, Apple Bloom reached Ponyville and immediately ran towards Twilight’s castle. As soon as she got there, she frantically knocked on the door at the same time as she tried to catch her breath. Twilight Sparkle answered the door with Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie directly behind her. “What’s going on, Apple Bloom? Are you alright?”
Apple Bloom shook her head, “It’s Applejack. A beam from our new barn fell on her. Ah think she’s dead. M-mah sister’s g-gone.”
The filly collapsed in a whimpering heap at Twilight’s hooves. Instantly, Fluttershy pushed past Twilight and wrapped Apple Bloom in a tight hug. The yellow pegasus rocked the young filly back and forth as they both cried.
Pinkie Pie’s mane had deflated, and Twilight had tears running silently down her face as she stood in dumfounded shock. Just then, Rainbow Dash swooped down behind Apple Bloom and Fluttershy, her face a mess of fur that had been matted by her seemingly endless weeping. Pinkie Pie shakily asked, “Is-is it true Dashie? Is AJ really d-dead?”
Wordlessly, Rainbow Dash nodded and immediately found herself in the middle of a hug between Pinkie Pie and Twilight. Moments later, Fluttershy and Apple Bloom joined them as all five ponies wept for their newest loss.
By now, Twilight was not able to hold back any longer and she too began to sob heavily alongside Pinkie Pie. In a voice almost too quiet to be heard, Pinkie Pie said, “I-it’ll be okay, Twilight. We still have each other.”
Twilight nodded without replying and wrapped her wing more tightly around the pink mare. Pinkie returned the gesture by lifting her front leg and hugging Twilight gently as they turned to the next grave.
Lightning flashed outside the windows of Sugarcube Corner, and, moments afterwards, thunder crashed menacingly. The sky outside was nearly as black as the night of a new moon. Fluttershy and Twilight sat at a table near the front of the bakery as they watched the few ponies who remained outside run for cover wherever they could find it. Fluttershy said, “I wonder if Pinkie Pie found cover already. It would be horrible for her to have been caught out in this just because she didn’t want to wait until tomorrow to get more party supplies.”
Twilight nodded, “You’re right, Fluttershy. I really hope she just stayed inside whatever store she went to rather than trying to get back here.”
Both ponies fell silent as they sat watching the storm. Mrs. Cake came out from the kitchen a while later once the storm had begun to die down. “Have either of you dears seen Pinkie Pie since this storm started?”
Fluttershy and Twilight both shook their heads and Fluttershy said, “We were hoping that she had just stayed in the store that she went to in order to buy her party supplies.”
Mrs. Cake nodded, “Well, I hope so too. But, knowing her, I would wonder if she had tried to come back just because she underestimated the danger of the storm.”
Twilight replied, “The storm has died down enough now that Fluttershy and I can go out to look for her on our way home if you like.”
Mrs. Cake smiled, “Are you sure you wouldn’t mind?”
Fluttershy and Twilight both stood up as the lavender alicorn said, “Not at all. She’s our friend, and we’re worried about her too.”
“Well, in that case, thank you dearies.”
Fluttershy smiled at the earth pony baker, “It’s no problem at all, Mrs. Cake.”
Both Twilight and Fluttershy exited Sugarcube corner out into the now light rain with only occasional flashes of lightning and thunder. They walked somewhat slowly so that they could be sure that they wouldn’t miss any sign of where Pinkie Pie might have taken shelter. When they were nearly on the outskirts of Ponyville, they saw what looked like a pony sitting in the middle of the street. They both quickened their pace as they approached.
Hunched over a cyan body, crying, was Pinkie Pie. A closer look revealed that the body in front of their friend had a rainbow mane. It was the body of Rainbow Dash. “What happened Pinkie?” Twilight exclaimed.
Pinkie Pie’s voice shook as she said between sobs, “I-I was trying to get back to Sugarcube Corner. Rainbow Dash was flying overhead a-and she-. She pushed me out of the way of a lightning strike. I-it hit her instead.”
Fluttershy and Twilight were both instantly at Pinkie’s side and trying to soothe her at the same time as they too mourned their deceased friend. They were, in fact, still there when the sun finally began to show from behind the clouds that were drifting away.
Pinkie Pie shuddered violently at the memory. She clutched Twilight tightly as she said, “It’s all my fault. Dashie would still be here if it weren’t for me.”
Twilight pulled her friend closer, “No Pinkie, don’t beat yourself up for this. It wasn’t your fault. Dash knew what she was risking when she pushed you. You know as well as I do that she never cared about the risk to herself.”
Pinkie Pie nodded, “I know, but still, I-I miss her.”
“Me too, Pinkie. Me too. I miss all of them.”
Her head buried in Twilight’s wing, both the pink party pony and the lavender alicorn turned to the final grave.
It was the day after the terrible storm that had killed Rainbow Dash. Fluttershy was down by the river with her two remaining close friends as they were looking for the animals that had managed to avoid being swept away when the river had flooded. Twilight and Pinkie Pie were somewhat upstream from the yellow pegasus. Suddenly, Twilight called to her, “Fluttershy! Come quickly!”
Immediately, Fluttershy abandoned the search where she was and flew over to her friends. They were looking across to the opposite riverbank where a young squirrel lay, one of its legs twisted oddly. Twilight said, “I would use my magic to bring it over here, but I don’t know if I should, not with its leg like that. What do you think, Fluttershy?”
Fluttershy shook her head, “No, don’t use your magic. You could damage the leg too much. I’ll have to go over there myself.”
“Fluttershy, no,” Twilight exclaimed, “You can’t! It’s too dangerous!”
However, the yellow pegasus did not heed her friend’s warning and flew over to the squirrel. Looking down at the mud on the steep bank, and the raging river waters below her, Fluttershy landed carefully beside the injured squirrel. On the other side of the river, Twilight and Pinkie Pie watched nervously.
Fluttershy leaned down to examine the squirrel. Almost immediately, she saw that the leg was dislocated, and she would have to reset it. But, as the yellow pegasus moved into a better position to help the squirrel, her back legs slipped on the mud, and she rolled down the bank directly into the raging river. Her wings were instantly weighed down too much to be much use, and all she could do was flail her legs as she attempted to fight the water.
“Fluttershy!” Pinkie Pie and Twilight Sparkle cried out as they ran along their side of the bank after their friend. Twilight’s horn was lit as she kept trying to levitate Fluttershy out of the water, but because the pegasus kept dipping below the surface, the lavender alicorn was unable to get a clear shot to safely get her friend out. Instead, both ponies were forced to watch helplessly as their friend got carried away, and, eventually, sank below the water, never to resurface.
Now, it was Twilight’s turn to bury her head in Pinkie Pie’s shoulder. “I should’ve saved her. I should’ve tried harder, I-I should’ve jumped in after her, or-or something! There just had to have been something else I could do.”
Pinkie Pie hugged her friend tightly, “No, Twilight. If it isn’t my fault that Rainbow Dash died, then it isn’t yours that Fluttershy died. We tried to help her, but the water was too strong. There was nothing more you or I could’ve done. The water was too violent for us to be able to swim. If we had jumped in, we would’ve died too, and what good is that?”
Twilight shrugged, “I-I suppose that wouldn’t have done anything, but, if they were still here, then they could still be happy. How can anypony be happy if they’re dead, Pinkie?”
Pinkie hesitated a moment before saying, “You know, Twilight, I’ve always believed that there is happiness everywhere. It just takes courage to find it. Even in the darkest, most sorrowful of times, there has to be a tiny sliver of happiness somewhere, there just has to be. And, you know our friends, I’m sure that they’ll have found that little bit of happiness. Instead, I think we’re the ones who need to find our happiness again.”
Twilight nodded and wiped her eyes, “I suppose so, Pinkie. There’s nothing we can do to change the past, now is there?”
Pinkie smiled slightly threw her tears, “No, there isn’t. We just have to hang on to each other until death comes for us.”
Twilight leaned against her friend as they sat in front of the graves of the other four former bearers of the Elements of Harmony. Together, they held each other and drew strength from the other, even long after the sun had set, and the moon had taken hold of the sky.
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Well, at least you tried.
This story feels like a diluted mess. It tries to have us feel sad from seeing the mane 6 die one by one, but it sincerely fails in that regard. The deaths aren't unexpected as one might expect them to be in such a short story, in fact, it's quite the opposite. The deaths are very predictable, and that is simply a byproduct of the story's style. Each death scene is separated from another by an event in Pinkie's and Twilight's time. This leaves plenty of time to the reader to figure something is gonna happen right after that.
But that's not the only way the story is diluted. The deaths are, sadly, the only thing the author finds to make us sad, which in and on itself is pretty bad, but that's not all. The deaths themselves are often hidden in some way or another. Sure, the first death was shown, but it was from cancer, not exactly the most shocking way. The others? Applejack gets crushed by a wooden beam, not shown. Rainbow Dash gets struck by lighting, not shown. Fluttershy drowns, half shown, but still it's no big shocker.
Rarity's death has something that really bugs me. At some point the author tries to pass off exposition in a dialog.
Not only was it about as subtle as an helicopter chopping up an elephant, but it begs the question: Why didn't the author show it instead of telling it? Instead of saying "The doctors found out about the cancer three months ago", how about you make your flashback three months prior, and you actually show it? At least then you won't have to deal with annoying exposition.
A little bemol on the vocabulary chosen: Don't use instantly. Ever. This word is broken like nobody's business. For a movement to be instant, the initial Point A has to BECOME the destination, Point B. Unless you're actually faster than light, you can't be instant.
Those were my really big complaints. I have a few little ones, such as a lack of actual characterization and the lack of some lines to show the separation between the present time and the flashbacks, but there aren't any other major details I can think of that would be worthy of notice here.
6068220 Thanks for telling me your opinion, though I don't really agree with some of it.
6069400 That's alright. We can agree to disagree.
6071817 Yeah, we can.
6069400
As bad as it may sound, I have to agree with 6068220 on this.
What you've done is created a sadfic without any of the actual sadness to go with it. Each death is really just a couple of lines and it loses a lot of punch that way. Besides we know that it's only Pinkie Pie and Twilight that are going to survive. Some of the shock is literally taken away when it's presented up front like that.
Sorry, but this is thumbs down for me.
6388543 You do realize that I don't care what people think, right?
6388564
No reason to get butthurt about this. And yes you do care. A person that truly doesn't care wouldn't bother responding like you did.
I usually try to let authors know why I give them thumbs down so they can turn around and maybe try to avoid those issues the next time around. But if you prefer to act this way then please do so. You're not really fooling anybody though.
6388587 1) I'm not "butthurt".
2) You don't know me at all, therefore you cannot say whether or not I care. And I don't.
I responded because I feel it's rude not to, no other reason.
And, if you ever read anything else of mind and downvote, or upvote for that matter, please don't say why. Because, again, I don't fucking care.
6388671 (to be) Butthurt: An inappropriately strong negative emotional response from a perceived personal insult. Characterized by strong feelings of shame. Frequently associated with a cessation of communication and overt hostility towards the "aggressor."
Now I'm not saying that you're butthurt. All I'm saying is that you're kind of hostile and negative towards
6388543 and that this isn't the attitude to have on a website where criticism is a staff-supported activity.
6390373 I'm a negative/hostile person, and I often come off as condescending even when I don't intend to. And frankly, I don't care what he or you might think because of that.
The pointless deaths, one right after the other, reminded me of this Monty Python sketch:
6702846 Sorry
Oy. This felt... Pointless. You tell us who is gonna be left in the description, so the whole part of the story describing the other Mane 6 dying does nothing for me. It's also just not really well written, it happens too fast and you can't feel anything for it. And when you take the sad out of a fic that only has being sad going for it, what do you get?
Fifteen dislikes. Wait, gimme a sec.
Sixteen dislikes.