Long after Spikes rampage in Ponyville the Equestria Superior Court orders Spike to pay for damages, Having no bits the mane six help spike dig up gems . An accidental trek into a dragons cavern (kidnaped) Spike & Rarity learn the harsh life and loves of Kull and Coaline his half breed daughter. They also dig up a little bit on dragon social behavior . You can find dragon bullies ,Dragon Belles and Pinkie being herself.
"We dragons though a noble race harbor a dark side, Slaves are made of other species and Some rouge clans still do eat ponies"
"Father, Is that what my mother looked like?"
and what do Strawberries have to do with the theme ?
Chapters (6)
An ok light little read. Could be better but I seen worse.
Light is what I wanted, and yes it could be better,
I took a look. The formatting is a little strange, but at least you're consistent. It seems like it was a lot of work for you, though. A more standard format would have been less spacing.
You don't seem to have a problem with words. A lot of first time authors struggle to reach the minimum limit.
I do love me some bulldozers.
The biggest thing: spell check. I've found it's much easier to write with a program like Microsoft Word, then paste into the story page.
5227018 It's a first , I'm new at this & writing Isn't my strong point. Funny spell check here, It works , Sometimes.
Read the rules of separating characters dialog and paragraphing , and how I wrote it were interesting.(PITA)
Does white out not work here?
5227080 If you had any questions or would like some revision advice, I may be able to help you.
5227327 It wouldn't hurt. Let's see how bad this story gets flamed.
(What do I do with the quart of white out?)
5227018 I very much agree
That made me laugh
Ok now for a full review.
It was not a bad light reading, and as I said before, the statement,"a bunch of meanie no pants poopies" was quite amusing.
The grammar could use some work though, it's comma quotation mark, not just quotes. Here, this will burn it into anyone's brain: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OLB1IUNdoSE
Also the spacing was a bit odd. I would recommend a bit more learning on grammar.
Like totallynotbrony said, type chapter in something like Microsoft word, pages, Evernote or something.
Overall not bad, but in the future consider looking for a pre-reader or/and editor, and look up some videos on grammar. You can have an iPhone from me. Jk just have an up vote and moustaches
5237797 I've never written anything , Hope it was at least 'readable' . My humble apologies
"He only did what the mods wanted, Double spaced and indented the paragraphs",
"Who's got my Pinkdozer?",
"My lap top hates any type of 'word' program", (beats me)
"What?",
5237892 it was a QuickType segestion as I am on an iPad. Overall good job for a first try at writing
5238010 Nice video on quotations.
"what's iPad?"
kidding.
This lap top has issues unless you want to buy something, With money you don't have for stuff you don't want, need . to impress strangers you'll never know.
5238049 how annoying
Hi ya, just want to say thanks for this, i enjoyed reading it & liked it alot. i understand this is complete & all but i was wondering if there is a chance of maybe having an extra chapter added, where the dragons from the cave come to ponyville as i really liked the talk that Rarity had with Kull & Coaline & would love to see how Coaline got on in ponyville, it would be nice to see Kull talking to spike aswell lol but all in all still liked this & was a good easy/enjoyable read, thanks again :)
8743123
Hi yes an epilog, would be nice :) its just i really like what you've done with this story & i would like to see abit more between Spike/ Rarity & having Kull & Coaline come to ponyville would be good as we can see how they would get on, really like the idea of them living in ponyville & seeing Coaline interact with everyone, think that could be fun. i know stupid but i just like the idea of them all living a happy ever after lol
8750050
Merry Christmas
9365996
i think i love you hahaha MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!! & thanks :)
thanks for this, i enjoyd it. made my day :)
9367250
you're welcome
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too much ice cream my eye
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🤣🤣🤣