“Well, we’re here.” Luna commented idly as the alicorn swarm trotted into the dank, stone dungeons after the guard.
“That was a surprisingly fast trip.” Cadence noted.
“Yeah, like we transitioned from one place to the next or something.” Twilight suggested.
“Don’t be ridiculous, Twilight.” Celestia chuckled.
“This is it, your majesties.” Stated the guard, cutting off conversation. The five alicorns stopped, and looked into the cell next to where they had been standing.
There was a silent pause.
“…Well, that’s a nice statue of the changeling, but where’s the actual, captured changeling?” Celestia questioned, tilting her head.
The guard took a deep breath. “Well, as unbelievable as it sounds, your majesties… that is the changeling we captured.”
“Explain-” Luna said promptly, but was cut off by Maud.
“May we enter the cell.” The newest princess stated. “I wish to inspect the statue.”
The guard paused for only a moment, then shrugged. “Yes, your majesty.” He stated obediently as he unlocked and opened the door to the cell.
Maud walked in, but the other princesses hesitated. “Are you sure it’s not dangerous?” Cadence asked the question they all were thinking.
“Well, other than the unlikely possibility of it toppling over and stubbing your hoof,” The guard stated, “No, it’s not dangerous in the slightest.”
The princesses entered the cell, and all of them examined the statue. Sure enough, the changeling in the cell was made of dark grey stone. It sat on its haunches, and its mouth was open, as though it was saying something.
“When did this happen?” Twilight asked.
“Less than an hour ago.” The guard said reluctantly as the princesses turned to him. Most of the princesses, in any case; Maud kept inspecting the statue. “You see, we were trying to coax it into telling us who hired it and all that, but just as we were finally starting to get information out of the changeling… it sort of just… transformed. It was almost like the stone grew from under the skin, like grass sprouting.”
“Hmm…” Twilight said, turning to the statue. Her horn glowed briefly, analyzing what it could. “That’s very weird.”
“What is it, Twilight?” Celestia asked.
“Well…” Twilight turned back to the others. “You know how Discord was trapped in stone, but was technically still alive, to an extent?”
“Yeah – are you saying that this statue’s just trapped in stone like Discord was?” Cadence questioned.
“No – just the opposite, in fact.” Twilight said shakily. “Whereas my scan of Discord after his second imprisonment showed that he was still sort-of alive, that same scan shows that this changeling is dead. Definitely, irrevocably dead.”
The room’s temperature seemed to grow colder, as the information registered that they were in the room with what was essentially a petrified corpse. “But – but how did it die?” Cadence asked. “I mean, if it were alive, I’d assume I was just the same spell we used on Discord, but…”
“You!” Luna cried suddenly, pointing at the guard. “Who exactly was interrogating this prisoner?”
“It… it was me, your majesty.” The guard said reluctantly, his head lowered.
“As I thought.” Luna said, a bit of a triumphant tone in her voice. “And you have a horn, yes?” Luna flicked the guard’s horn. “Indeed,” she said without waiting for a response, “The answer to this is indubitable: this guard is the culprit. Banishment, for a hundred-“
“Stupor Slice.” Celestia cut her sister off. “age 23, weighs 157 lbs, enjoys carrot cake, afflicted with magical impotency.”
At the last part, the guard blushed, looking around nervously as though someone might have heard.
“I beg your pardon, sister?” Luna asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Those are the statistics of this guard.” Celestia said. “I make it my duty to personally memorize the background checks of all my royal guards, you know.
“Well… are you sure we can’t banish him just a little?” Luna whined. “I mean, he might have been corrupted by greed or something!”
“Luna, this guard has magical impotency.” Twilight said. “He’s probably not very good at casting levitation spells, let alone elements-level petrification spells.” Twilight looked at the guard, realizing what she’d said. “Um… sorry.” She said sheepishly.
“No problem…” the guard replied, having recovered somewhat.
“Well, who else could have done it?!” Luna asked, throwing up her arms. “I mean, the guard was in the bloody room when the victim was petrified! He would have seen someone sneaking in!” Luna glanced at the guard. “Nobody did sneak in, right?”
“Nothing but dust mites, your majesty.” The guard stated.
“a-HA! That is the culprit – evil dust mites, able to petrify anything the touch!” Luna cried triumphantly. Then she gasped. “Oh my gosh, Tia – they could be anywhere! They could be in our lungs at this very moment!”
“For goodness’ sake, Luna, stop jumping to ridiculous conclusions.” Celestia said, rolling her eyes. “There must be more elements to this case that we’re missing.”
“Um, guard… do you mind if I call you Stupor Slice?” Cadence asked the guard.
“Eh, just call me Slice.” The guard said, shrugging nonchalantly.
“Slice, what exactly did the changeling say before he was petrified?” Cadence continued.
“Well…” the guard said, thinking. “For the past few days, he’s said nothing but name, rank and serial number. We finally managed to crack him, though… or at least, I thought I did.”
“What do you mean?” Twilight asked.
“Well, I must have cracked him in a different way than I wanted, because he just started saying gibberish.” The guard said. “He said something that sounded like… ‘It’s theomnus’.”
“Theomnus?” Celestia questioned. “Interesting. What else did he say?”
“That’s it.” The guard said, shrugging. “He said ‘It’s theomnus’ and at that very moment, he was turned to stone.”
“Very odd indeed.” Twilight mused. “Perhaps ‘itstheomnus’ is some sort of verbally activated self petrification spell?”
“Verba-what?” Cadence questioned.
“A spoken spell that turns you to stone.” Celestia clarified.
“Oh… wait, why would he use a spell like that?” Cadence asked.
“Perhaps he wanted to avoid further questioning, and took the coward’s way out.” Luna suggested.
Twilight shivered. “That’s one possibility. But why wouldn’t he turn himself to stone right after he got captured?”
There was a pause as the alicorns thought, before Twilight said, “Let’s look at it from a different angle. What if the changeling was starting to say something, but the petrification cut him off?”
“But why would he spontaneously petrify like that?” Cadence questioned.
“Perhaps…” Twilight paused, and her face paled. “Perhaps by something that could petrify him without even being in the same room as him.”
“Oh, well, now that’s just ridiculous.” Luna said. “Even Celestia and I, heck, even YOU, Twilight – none of us are powerful enough to petrify somepony without at the very least seeing them. And besides, who would have done that in the first place?”
“Someone who… knew that the changeling was cracking… and wanted to stop him from revealing information?” Cadence said in a puzzled tone.
“Interesting… but again, who would do that?” Twilight asked. “This is almost certainly far beyond Chrysalis’ power – does someone else have control over the changelings? Or just this changeling in particular?!”
“It appears we are going around in circles with this discussion.” Celestia stated, drawing the others’ attention. “We have too many questions and no solid answers to any of them, and even if we speculate the answer to one question, that just opens up a dozen more of them. At this rate, I’m not sure we’ll ever-“
Slurp!
Celestia was cut off by an abrupt, loud slurping noise, which sounded almost like it came from the statue. She and the other alicorns turned to the statue, to see Maud standing along side it.
She was licking the statue’s face.
“Maud… what are you doing?” Twilight questioned as Maud licked the statue’s cheek again.
A few more licks, and Maud stepped back, smacking her lips quietly. “Igneous.” She stated.
“What?” Celestia questioned. Maud held up a hoof, though, and the others fell silent.
Maud swished her tongue around her mouth a bit more. “Yes… I had my suspicions, but the taste confirms it. Definitely made of igneous rock.” She stated. “Hmm… no Ignimbrite, that means it probably isn’t fresh… that one would be the poryphrite…”
“Poryphrite? What are you talking about?!” Twilight said, baffled.
“Poryphritic means it’s probably phenocrystals…” Maud mumbled to herself. “…there’s also some feldspar in there…that means it probably came from deep in the crust… No, wait… there’s ignimbrite… but that’s near the top…”
Maud took another lick from the statue. “Yes, definitely ignimbrite… but there’s equal traces of it and the feldspar… somewhere in the middle? But what could… both at once…” Maud’s eyes widened slightly. “An active volcano… yes, that would explain it… pheno’s probably right from the magma resivoir… but where…”
Cadence looked at Twilight, who shrugged, equally confused.
Another slurp. “Wait…” another lick. “Is that… yes, that’s definitely obsidian… cools quickly… Oh, basalt too, that means… wait…”
Maud began to nod her head. “Cools quickly… that doesn’t happen in many places… tropics are warm… needs to come from the cold…”
Her hoof stomped, making the princesses jump. “Filimanjaro.” She stated, turning to the others. “The rock is from mount Filimanjaro.”
“Filimanjaro? But – that’s halfway across Equus!” Cadence said.
“Never mind that – you could tell all that by just tasting the rock?!” Twilight cried out, eyes wide.
The corners of Maud’s mouth lifted into the tiniest of tiny grins. “Top of my class in geological studies. Worked on a rock farm all my life. I’ve eaten every kind of rock in my time – all of them. I’d recognize the flavors anywhere.”
“You’re certain?” Luna asked, as Maud’s face went back to its usual, blank expression.
“Well if I’m wrong, my name will be mud, won’t it.” Maud said blankly, nodding slightly. “In any case, Mount Filimanjaro. Whatever mystery’s going on, I’m confident it’s related to there.”
Maud glanced over her shoulder at the stone changeling.
“And we need to solve this mystery. Fast.”
...You're a mad genius.
Also, I love the whole bit with Maud licking the statue. Also, Luna being ridiculous.
Waiter! There's a plot in my rock jokes.
Maud is the best geologist this world has ever seen. The only one tht ever came close to beating her is randy marsh. In the angel rock tasting competition, randy had failed to taste a rock from a South American temple. Maud had and identifed the rock, thus winning her title.
That's it! Maud is offically best princess! Scooch over, Luna!
Trust Maud, she's a rocktor.
5170092 Deepest apologies! Why, we'll give you more jokes that are so good, you'll immediate want to give your sediments to the chef!
Sorry, I've hit rock bottom, haven't I? Wow. These puns really are bad, am I pyright? Sorry. I'll be a geode little boy from now on.
Where did I get all these pins from? Why its sedimentary my dear Watson! Its not like it takes a genius! It was clearly a Igneneosly designed trap!
the plot thickens :3
5170185 she is
Maud is all that she is all she is...
...
I'm just imagining Maud as Shadow with a Glock.
This fic needs more booze. Perhaps a scotch on the rocks.
5170254 The fuck are you doing here plague? Shouldn't you be beating Pat to death with Matt's head
5170301 I'd like to request no flame wars plz. thx.
5170301 I don't ask what you do in your free time, and you sure as hell don't want to know what else I do!
Good
Luna's aggressiveness and Maud's rock identifying abilities made me laugh.
MMMMAAAAUD IS AWESOME!
Maud is a GENIUS!
Really, she’s more like the Anthony Bourdain of detectives.
needs end " marks.
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5170684
Actually she's more like Sherlock Holmes. He knew every type of dirt in his region at a glance, suffers from Asperger's, and is obsessive in particular fields while being all Detectivey.
[Sherlock is the first name on the list].
The plot's back, but what about the rest of the body?
-
Girl's a Maud Thinker.
well... that was unexpected
I love this story.
Best Princess
"Holmes why are you--are you licking that rock?!
"Quiet Watson I need to concentrate."
Celestia knows every guards' background and Maud knows every rocks in all over Equestria. That's freaking awesome.
And Luna is acting like Heart Queen in Alice in Wonderland, which is strangely suitable for her.
More chapter plz
I can just imagine whatever guy (or gal) who is behind the Changeling thinking that turning him to rock would cover up their involvement, but at the same time just thinking that "rock is rock" & not realising that the specific type of rock is as distinct to a location (at least to Maud) as if the Changeling had told them anyway, with the added benefit of knowing that the rock isn't lying.
So all-in-all, their attempt to silence their agent told the Princesses exactly what they wanted to know from him anyway, & I find that hilarious.
5172033 ... Well I can't say any specifics because spoilers but let's just say the enemy wasn't expecting them to know the rock by taste.
Screw Batman, Maud is the TRUE world's greatest detective!
You have no idea how much a stoic, intelligent woman turns me on. Take me, based rock princess!
Nice!
She kinda reminded me of Inspector Clouseau in a way... Keep up the good work.
Ooh! Adventures!
Given she can examine something by licking it. I would say ability wise she's more similar to a time lord.
Watch out, Luna. Those evil dust-mites might start a war in your mane.
5228081 yeah I admit it's kind of easy to miss: twilight was working on ANOTHER one of starswirls spells.
Now I'm picturing a universe based on this story. "The adventures of Maud, princess of rocks."
Maybe I'll try writing a spinoff. (Don't count on it though, my writing needs some work.)
Anyways, loving it so far!
Seems legit.
Maud is the Sherlock Holmes of rocks :D
Hehehehee, AWESOME!
Cap Royal Guard.
Needs and end " mark.
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6309209
Well Sherlock without the Cocaine.