The Bet
Beats could be heard from the room adjacent. Many valued this as 'music', but to Octavia Philiharmonica it was an ear splitting mayhem caused by a newfound invention of Equestria. This technology produced musicians called Disc Jockeys or DJs for short and Octavia had somehow acquired one of them as a neighbor.
She had thought that when the landlord told her there was a new musician in the apartment that she would be able to discuss the many different things to do with the art of music, not the time when she was so drunk that she slept with a lamp and two cardboard cutouts or that time she drank three bottles of liquor through her nose. Octavia wanted to discuss the music theory or the Royal Canterlot Orchestra over a cup of tea.
Yet the woman next door insisted on playing her obnoxious 'wubs' every night. Octavia looked towards the door that allowed entrance into her abode. Her apartment was fairly large, but for many Canterlot citizens it was average. It boasted a good square footage of about twelve hundred feet with the necessities: a living room, kitchen, two bathrooms and two bedrooms.
She sat in her chair drinking a cup of black tea, earplugs snugly fit inside her ears, contemplating whether or not she should go to that woman’s door and demand she turn the preposterous music down. Octavia set her tea down,
Yes! I’ll show that hoodlum how a Canterlot citizen should be!
She walked over to the door, slipping on her shoes before exiting through the door. Octavia didn’t have to walk far, the DJ’s flat being adjacent to hers. She stopped in front of the door with the number one-hundred twelve plastered to a small plaque on the front of it, still confident that she could convince her neighbor to at least have the music at a reasonable level and knocked the door.
The bass still pounded against her ears and vibrated beneath her feet, yet the door was still left unanswered. Octavia rang the doorbell a few times in hope of an answer from her. Having no answer yet again she resorted to a most unladylike action: banging on the door as hard as she could.
After a few seconds of the door being beaten by her fists, a head fit with a hairstyle that would make her mother faint, poked out of the doorway. The head was bobbing to the beat and stopped when the owner saw who was in front of her.
“Oh, hey Octy! How’s it goin’?” The door opened to reveal the rest of the DJ, who was wearing apparel that made Octavia cringe. The DJ was wearing ripped skinny jeans, combat boots, and a t-shirt that bore words no shirt should bear, along with her trademark glasses.
“I’d prefer Octavia, if that’s alright Vinyl.” Octavia said, giving the name 'Vinyl' malice to show her disgust.
She didn’t seem to notice, replying with, “Nah, you need a name that can spice up that stuck-uppityness of your presence. It’ll at least make people think that you know how to have fun.”
“I am very content with my name, some people want to show they have class, others don't know the difference between a burnt pancake and a double chocolate cookie.” Octavia scoffed. “And I have plenty of fun, thank you very much.”
Vinyl smirked, ”I bet you’ve never even had a day of fun in your life. Heck, I bet you haven’t even had a night of fun in your life!”
“I have plenty of fun! You would be astonished and in awe by the things I do in my free time!”
“Oh, really?” Vinyl crossed her arms and leaned against the doorway. ”What’s the most fun that you’ve ever had?”
“I have watched the Twilight Saga, all the movies, in one night. I even stayed up an hour past my bed time!” Octavia nodded, satisfied with her answer.
Vinyl’s face scrunched up, trying to hide the fitful of laughter. She wanted to give Octavia at least a shred of dignity for her stuck up neighbor. “BWAHAHAHAHA!” she tried, she really did, but the absurdity of her neighbor’s definition of ‘fun’ was too horrible to not laugh at.
Octavia on the other hand looked mortified “Wha-What is the problem? It is an amazing series to watch."
As her laughter dialed down to a chuckle, Vinyl answered, “Maybe for overly dramatic teens that watch chick-flicks. Come on Octy, we're both in our twenties, I mean I’m twenty-two and you’re what? Twenty-five, twenty-four?”
Octavia’s eyes narrowed, “Twenty-two.”
“Oh.” Vinyl coughed, “Uh, well it’s not like you've experienced fun. I bet the closest moment that you did was winning fifty bits from a scratch-off lottery ticket.”
“Really? I bet I’ve had more fun than the so-called fun that you have.”
Vinyl smirked, “If you think you can have so much fun how ‘bout we make a bet?”
Octavia’s eyes narrowed even further, “What ‘bet’ do you propose?”
“So,’’ Vinyl rubbed her hands together, grinning evilly. “You say you can have loads more fun than me. I say the opposite; my ‘bet’ goes that I take you to a place where I do some of my gigs and if you don’t even have a bit of fun I’ll go to any place you choose. But, if I win you owe me a favor.”
Octavia blinked, ”That is all? Just a favor, I would have expected more from you Ms. Scratch. But none the less I shall accept, where and when would you like to meet?”
“Meh, come over here tomorrow night when it’s pitch black outside. I’ll set you up with some decent party clothes.”
Octavia scowled, “What do you mean? I have plenty of party clothes.”
“Sure you do.” Vinyl chuckled,“ I bet you don’t even have a tank-top, let alone shorts shorter than your knees.”
Octavia looked at Vinyl like she was crazy, "And why should I? They're disgraceful, unladylike and show way too much of a woman’s body.”
Vinyl put her hand over her mouth, trying cover up the forming grin and saving whatever respect Octavia had for her,” Psssh-We, we- pshshsssh-alright, alright. Just come here at eight o' clock, tomorrow.”
“Yes, bu-"CLONK! The door was closed before Octavia could give a reply, ”VINYL SCRATCH!”
Muffled laughter could be heard from the other side, “Eight o' clock, Tavi!”
Octavia sighed. Maybe I could move to Ponyville. I heard interesting things happen every week or so in Ponyville
Octavia stood outside door one-hundred twelve once again, this time wearing more formal attire; a button-down long sleeve shirt with a vest over top, along with pants, small heeled shoes, and a bow tie. She knocked the door lightly, hoping to have it answered. After a few moments of silence she tried again, this time with a little more force. She heard a muffled response, and Octavia’s eyes widened as the door opened slightly to reveal a half dressed Vinyl Scratch.
“Yo Tavi, can you give me a few seconds. I’ve still got to get on the right clothes and all.” Octavia nodded, hoping that the door would close so she could faint from embarrassment. Yet the door remained open and Octavia’s cheeks reddened. “You can come in you know, just grab a seat in the living room.”
Octavia hurried inside and quickly sat down while Vinyl casually walked to her bedroom to a hall that was to the left of the front door. Octavia looked around the room noticing the many records scattered across the floor along with various disks and cases. The living room was connected to the kitchen, only separated by a counter that had the sink and dishwasher. The entrance was to the left of the kitchen as was the hallway to the door.
Octavia wondered to the hallway which held only a few doors, each one with plaques that labeled the room’s occupation. One was labeled Recording Room to her left, another Guest Room to her right, with the one at the end of the hallway on the same row with the recording room had the plaque Vinyl’s Room. Octavia looked to see the bathroom situated across from it.
Realizing she was snooping Octavia returned to her seat. After a few moments Vinyl stepped into the room and looked over Octavia, “So, what are you wearing?”
Octavia looked to see Vinyl had chosen a tank top, with her combat boots and short shorts. “I would rather know what you are wearing Ms. Scratch. You said to we were going to a place for dancing, no?”
Vinyl face-palmed, “Yeah. But I meant to wear clothes for dancing.”
“That’s what I wore; I want to make a good first impression.”
Vinyl grabbed Octavia’s arm and started to drag her towards Vinyl’s room, “You know I could say many things in response to that, but I’m just going to ignore it and give you some real clothes.”
After a few moments of rummaging through her drawers and closet Vinyl carried an assortment of clothes to outfit Octavia with. Mixing and matching clothes, Octavia came out with the style of a true clubber. It did take longer with Octavia insisting that Vinyl had to go outside every time she tried a different combination of clothes.
The duo walked towards the door of the apartment, having gathered the things they needed to ‘survive’ the night. Vinyl pulled her keys out and pointed to a red Cadillac in the parking lot that was in front of them. The car beeped, signaling that it was unlocked, and as she got in she gestured to do the same. Octavia sat beside her in the passenger seat, and buckled. The car rolled forward eventually gaining momentum as Vinyl pressed the gas pedal.
Taking advantage of the situation of being stuck in a enclosed space next to someone she didn’t know much about, Octavia asked a simple question. “So, Vinyl. What is it exactly that you do?”
"Well, I'm a DJ," Vinyl replied, still facing the road ahead of her. "But to be more specific, I go to clubs and provide the music for them. I stay there, pumping out beats until the hosts say the party's done; they pay me and I go on with my life. Every once in a while they'll call me back to do another gig, but if they don't, I usually find other jobs that need me. Anyways, what do you do?"
Octavia was silent for a few seconds, thinking of an answer. She turned her head to face Vinyl, answering, “Well I play in the orchestra, I play the cello to be precise. We go around Canterlot playing for other high-class citizens, usually in theaters. It is a job I enjoy, we’ve done many prestigious events too. But I’m certain you can say the same.”
The conversation continued for the rest of the drive, the two opposites of music finding similarities and diverse differences. The duo learned much about each other; as the drive progressed, their friendship did too. Vinyl drove the car to a parking lot, beside the building labeled Club Luna.
The duo walked side by side into the club, Vinyl taking the lead and leading them to the bar. Octavia could already feel the beats pounding against her ears and vibrating the floor beneath her feet. The air was mixed with alcohol and sweat, dancers were packed together a few dotted around other parts of the club taking a break or having a drink.
The club itself was illuminated with an assortment of different neon lights along with the mixing table at the back, pumping out beats for the dance floor in front of it. Octavia’s eyes blinked rapidly, adjusting to the darkened club. She glanced over to the bar where Vinyl was currently sitting at and walked over to join her counterpart, taking a place next to her on the cushioned seats.
Vinyl waved over the bartender and ordered them drinks, she looked to Octavia with a grin plastered on her face. “We’ve gotta get some drinks before the party really starts. It’s always better to get some drinks before you party hard.”
Octavia gave her an uncertain glance, “I recognize this is your ‘specialty’ in a way, but is getting tipsy really necessary to have a good time?”
The bartender brought their drinks over. Vinyl grabbed one of them lifting her pinkie and took a sip, “Why especially for you, my dear Octavia. One must get fully acquainted with alcohol to have the optimal amount of fun.” Octavia still gave the glass of the non-alcoholic beer a unsure stare, Vinyl sighed. “Look you don’t have to drink it, but at least give it a try. Gosh, it's like you’ve never had a bottle of beer before.”
Gulping down the rest of her drink Vinyl tapped Octavia on the shoulder and beckoned her to follow. “Hey, I’ve gotta give you the full experience of a night out with the one and only Dj Pon-3!”
Octavia followed her hesitantly into the crowd of perspiring and clustered dancers on the vibrating dance floor. She glanced up to the platform that the DJ was on, who currently was playing a upbeat song filled heavily with bass and electronic beats.
The duo wondered to the center of the dance floor, Octavia having to swat away a few hands that strayed towards her. As Vinyl halted she turned towards Octavia and grinned, raising her voice she directed it towards Octavia. “Alright Tavi, here’s where the real magic of the club is. Right in the center, but to be apart of it you’ve gotta know what to do.”
“I would appreciate if you stopped calling me Tavi,” Octavia huffed. “But I know how to dance, why would some DJ be able to teach a skilled ballroom dancer?”
Vinyl chuckled, “Maybe you are around your high and elite friends, but this is real dancing. It’s free form, in a way.” Vinyl started to bob her head to the beat of the song that was currently playing. “Move your body to the beat and go wild if you’re such a prestigious dancer.”
Octavia reluctantly went along with the instructions she was given, even though she didn’t fully understand them and moved to the beat. She eventually moved in sync with Vinyl and moved to her beat.
Vinyl grinned. “Now you’re gettin’ it. Let the beat guide you, don’t do any of that formal stuff you’ve been taught. This is the dance floor where that flies out the window and gets hit by a car, then run over and eaten by a bird. Then the bird gets eaten by a bear, then the bear gets-“Vinyl paused, “Okay, maybe not so much like that, but the gist is there. I think.”
The duo danced continuously, only stopping for breaks or a challenge from a fellow DJ or dancer. Many people there noticed the fellow DJ, but were surprised at the skill of her counterpart.
An attractive Canterlot elite that seemed at first was going to be a nauseous, but was enjoyable and friendly. Vinyl would later get many requests as to where the mysterious woman she had brought lived, to which Vinyl always replied with, “Sorry man, she’s not someone unruly people like ourselves would have a chance with. Heck, I’m surprised I got her to come.”
The crowd lessened as the night grew old and the duo began to tire as well. Paying the final bill for the ever growing tab of drinks and unmentionable things that were ‘What happens in this club stays in this club.’ moments, they exited the club and entered their vehicle.
Vinyl sat in the driver’s seat while Octavia sat in the passenger’s seat beside her. Vinyl had ordered them both drinks that had no alcohol, which let her drive and Octavia not do something she might regret later. She pulled the car out of its spot and drove onto the road leading to their destination. She glanced over to see that Octavia had fallen asleep, this was good for Octavia, but quite the opposite for Vinyl. With Octavia asleep she had no one to keep her awake and had to resort to using the silence to think of her day and newfound friendship.
Less than half an hour after they had left the club Vinyl arrived at the apartment. She glanced over to Octavia to, once again, see that she was asleep. Vinyl got out of her car and walked over to the passenger side of it, opening its’ door ever so carefully. She poked Octavia a couple times to wake her, even whispering her name and gently shaking her. After a few failed attempts at different methods of trying to wake her up Vinyl resorted to her last option: carrying her.
Huffing and puffing, Vinyl carried Octavia up the flights of stairs. Why the stairs? It’s the twenty-first century Vinyl, why not use the amazing and easy to access elevator? Well know-it-all, someone was too lazy to fix it! It was just her luck that while the elevator was broken she had picked the highest point of the apartment. It’s a great view, said the relater. Great for a first time buyer, he had said. Oh Celestia above, was he going to get it when she met him again.
As she reached the door to Octavia’s Vinyl realized that she didn’t have an important component to open the door: the keys. Vinyl hissed a rainbow of swear words, this was not how she wanted to end her night. Setting Octavia down gently, she rushed to her apartment and grabbed some paper clips. Her previous experiences with some unwanted attention had driven her to learn the skill of lock picking. She played around with the lock until she heard a satisfying click and opened the door.
She picked up Octavia and searched the apartment for the master bedroom. The apartment had a nice entryway leading to the living room, with a kitchen on the left and a hallway with many doors on the right. She searched through all the doors until she discovered that the final one an the left side of the hallway was the master bedroom. Opening the door she had a look around the room. It had a bed in the back corner of the room, a desk was oriented to the right of Vinyl, along with a nightstand by the bed and a dresser by the window that was over the dresser side of the room.
Vinyl’s eyelids fluttered as she placed Octavia onto the bed. Her mind said that she could make it to the couch in the livening room at the least, but her body disagreed. Vinyl hoped that Octavia wouldn’t mind and let sleep overtake her, falling on top of Octavia and yet, even Vinyl falling on her didn’t wake her.
Vinyl opened her eyes to only close them as the light temporarily blinded her. Her eyes had quickly scoped the room before she had closed them and she had deduced she was in unfamiliar territory. Quickly dismissing it as her being groggy she shifted her pillow to be more comfortable, but something was off about it. Her usual comfortable and silky pillow was now soft and squishy. Confused, she sat cross-legged and looked at her pillow to see…
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It's everything I could have wanted…
Great job! I love it.
YESYESYESYESYESYES!
YOU FINALLY POSTED A STORY!
Congratulations! It's awesome!
Time to get my review on!
5404760
Thanks, I hope to get more OctaScratch done soon.
5404764
Ha, more shall come.
5404794
I couldn't have done it without you.
5405327
Oh geez, when will this arrive?
This was really cute I thoroughly enjoyed it
5408605
I'm glad you did. I plan on continuing this as a short story series or something, I have one story planned as a one-shot then a full story after if this keeps doing well. Thanks for the fav too.
5408617 well I look forward to your continued works
5408647
Thanks. I hope to not disappoint.
5408055 Now I know that's not true. Yu already had another editor, and it's not like I wrote anything
But it was awesome editing for you, so thanks
5408729
You can never have enough help. But, you're welcome. Be ready for some more stories.
5408058
Okie dokie lokie, I have finished the reading, and it is now time for me to start the review! *stomach growls* After this short commercial break! *grabs some grub and plays commercial*
And I am back, tummy satisfied, fully awake, and ready to give this story a proper review; let us begin.
Let me start off by say this: I enjoyed the story, and you did a really good job. This follows suite with your editors and proofreaders: amazing job!
Like most stories, there were a few grammatical and punctuation errors, but there were only a couple key ones that I wanted to point out.
In this part of the sentence, I realized that the 'an' is supposed to be 'on'.
I believe this sentence holds the bulk of the problem, in my opinion.
With this part of the story, you put 'This' instead of 'These', and you need a hyphen between the words 'technology' and 'produced'. Also, when you try to look at this in parts: "technology-produced musicians", it looks like you are saying the musicians are made through technology rather than the music they make. I would say you should add 'music' after produced. Despite how weird it may sound, it will clear the confusion on readers thinking wrongly.
You also need two commas in this sentence: one after 'Jockeys' and the other after 'short'. The reason I say this is because if you were take out the phrase 'or DJs for short', it would not affect the overall meaning of the sentence. I cannot remember what it is called, so to make do with what I have, I will call it a fragmented clause. It cannot make a full sentence, but removing it will not affect the sentence overall.
The last problem I see with this sentence is that you have an incomplete clause.
The first part of the sentence has no clause to follow it. You mention them, but there is nothing to connect your reference to their name. "These people called DJs..." is what I see, but you don't have an action to follow it. I figured that you are trying to just tell the readers what they are called, which would make this easier to clear up. If you add an 'are' after musicians, you would have created a complete sentence, and it would look like this:
Lastly, you did not indent this paragraph:
That was all I really wanted to point out as far as errors went.
You have nice sentence flow and the pacing of the story isn't fast. You have it a little slower than normal, and that is the type of speed I read the majority of my stories at.
Your characterization is good, and your bit of Octavia's fun was hilarious. I could understand how Vinyl felt when she heard Tavi was accomplished of making an hour past her bed time. Oh, Tavi, how adorable you are so; I simply don't know how to keep a serious face around you. Anyways, you were capable of depicting your characters, not only through their words and actions, but through the clothes they wore as well. As far as your clothes choices for the club, I personally, even though I'm a guy, find it fine what you chose. I simply just know that not everyone has the same fashion choice, and somewhere out in the world, someone would agree with you. Aside from that, you did mention the clothes they wore as a form of their character, and that is really nice. Sadly, I really did like Tavi's choice of dancing clothes, aside from the heels. She had a form of formal attire, but it was made more casual to not seem as if she was trying to go to a ball. Formal casual attire is my personal favorite; to be able to look classy and still have the ability to rock out the look. Otherwise, I tip my hat to you from mentioning that character has an effect on a character's character.
There was not a particularly large amount of visualization, but that is fine. Sadly, at times, it seems at times you were data dumping more than steadily throwing in details about appearance and surrounding when needed to help a reader imagine the scenery themselves. For future stories, I would suggest trying to split up the details about your story. This particularly works for a character's appearance. Since you are following them around, there are plenty of opportunities for you to throw details in at your whim. When it comes to scenery, it is a bit harder, unless you intend to return to an already used setting. In cases where you don't use a setting again, it is okay to point out its detail in one sitting. By splitting up the detail, it appears more realistic to the readers, for it is hard for most people to fully recognize details without seeing them over time and consistency.
Overall, this was a good story. It has it's minor errors that could be fixed, but nothing too major that will make the story seem bad. You have a concept that is unique in a way (with them becoming friends and having the bet as their cement to build their relationship. I didn't really see this story as being too romantic; it seemed more as friendshipping than shipping mostly because it didn't have the characters think or do anything that would be considered 'romantic'. You definitely covered characterization with an extra bit I don't particularly see anyone else use: their clothes, so that is a plus. Your visualization is decent, and it only needs to just spread out a bit to find itself more effective in the story. Good job on the story, and it earns my like! I'm glad to have reviewed this story, and I wish you luck on your future stories.
From hell, to you, and back again,
Soto Konoha, Fort Impression On Everypony
5435135
Thanks, I plan to have another out soon.
rage on my story pal ill rage on yours
5558329
I'm not raging, I'm stating facts. And I'd rather you not defile my story with pointless comments. Thank you.
5558329 Really?
You actually left a negative comment here for the sole reason of Shadow adding your fic to a few badfic groups?
Just...wow.
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/327/043/a42.jpg
5610192 man, this was a week ago, I really don't care anymore, neither does he
5408605 Dafuq are you doing here?
Also, this needs a sequel.
5625528
He's a friend of mine. That's why.
5625528
One is planned. It'll be awhile till it happens though.
i58.tinypic.com/mlp4s2.jpg
5625536
5627221
Sounds awesome. I cant wait for it to come out.
Also, he is a friend of mine as well. We live on the same campus.
5628939
Heh, well I'm working on a secret little project that involves some others and his editor so I won't be working on that for a little bit. Just keeping everything on the down low till the release of the project.
And that's cool, I hope I find more Brony friends sometime.
5625528 Cause I'm friends with Shadowblaze?
5629746 So I found out.
Not bad but a few minor mistakes though I'm sure others have caught them so my point is moot. Overall great story so you get a like.
Looks interesting. Will read later and let you know how it is
7449928
Thanks!
P.S.
My stories get gradually better, so if you like this one, then my most recent is the best so far.
7449940 I finished reading your story and I must say... I love it. While there are a few errors, its pro's overway the problems(that and someone else already beat me to it
)
7452559
Well, I'm glad you like it. I should have another OctoScratch one-shot out in about the next week, so keep a lookout for that!
7452613 If it's as good as this, I'll keep that in mind. I have a story but it doesn't shine nearly as well as this
. But enough about that. I'll keep an eye out or you could message me if you want
.
anyone else catch this? i saw quite a few mention errors... but no one touched this.
Hey, another awesome one!
Not bad, not bad! Full marks!
We need a sequel to this