For Twilight and Spike, it's just another ordinary day, until a "mysterious visitor" shows up.
Chapters (3)
- Member Since 6th Apr, 2014
- offline last seen Dec 12th, 2021
beau101023
"Feel the wrath of Pinkie, filthy human!"
beau101023
Joined 6th Apr, 2014 ·
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Coming along great! I hope twilight learns the truth about their "visitor".
4950218 We shall see...
like the story so far hope to see more.
4950248 Will do!
Lul
I can't read any of that shit. Format it please.
pic related?
4950596 In the story, spike mentions he's overweight, I figured this pic was relevant enough. (Plus I find it really funny. xD)
4950394 Thanks for the feedback. I tried to format it a little better. Anything in particular bugging you?
GOOD LORD MAN!!!!!!
Not reading this till formatted properly. Rule #1: Never have two different characters speaking within the same paragraph.
Example of what should be done:
"Hey Twilight!" exclaimed Pinkie, jumping in sporadic leaps of joy.
"Oh, good morning, Pinkie Pie," she smiled, setting down a heavy book, "What are you up to?"
(You got a lot of editing ahead of you if you want this piece to actually get anywhere.)
This...Story...Is....Good!
I would like some more please.
4954204 Working on it right this minute!
... I don't even?
Think of Flash Sentry Twilight!!!
A little disappointed.
Don't know why.
4987441 I might've made this chapter a tad more serious than my last one, I'll try to make the next one a bit more true to my tags.
That pony reminds me of Screwy.
Cancelled due to lack of motivation/inadequate writing skills. :c Will be hopefully working on more oneshots. This story was just not meant to continue beyond the first chapter.