Aaand I'm rereading this. The things you make me do, Applejinx! In any case... i can kinda see now how people could say it's OOC. AJ, as you say, is madly in love with Dash, and is seeing this... would be quite heart-shattering. But I think, what bugs me, is the lack of "setting". As in, there's little to no setup of the interest itself. Here, ironically enough compared to a comment in RWDE, AJ clearly loves Dash far more than Dash loves her, at least until the end. But that's still a physical love, on Dash's part.
To me, I kinda want to see how the attraction between the two STARTED. Why AJ is so attracted to Dash, and why Dash says she loves AJ, before her rain-gasm revelation at the end.
Unless this is covered in a later chapter and I've completely forgotten about it
I'd just like to pretend that RWDE didn't happen and the series stopped at this fic. I think you shouldn't have gone for including so much trouble and drama in the sequels.
Also, the AppleDash in DF doesn't strike me as being as romantic and happy as this fic.
So, RD was screwing M Fluttershy (poison joke) who crossed from liking it to being extremely disturbed and putting it out of her memory. Then AJ's heart broke. Then Fluttershy (Male?) left. Then AJ and RD had a heart to something talk. Then they fucked (Male AJ) Then RD came and FS actually left after watching the thing. Then AJ and RD are spouting off sentences made 80% out of 'love you'. Then they sleep.
Then I wonder what the buck is going on and look at the next chapter. (Also, how does that gem get passed around later. It isn't something they would give up...)
Failed return of FlutterGuy - weak. "You're Wingy, not horny. And I'm clingy--but for you I'll be dicky" - win "Was that a sonic rain-gasm?" - winning!
I also like how you de-spell AJ's speech patterns. Makes it easier to read in everyone's own voice patterns. Win here, win there, win, win everywhere - where!
It is as I feared. This writing style is far too direct and always seems to leave either too much or two little to the imagination. Most times I became frustrated with the story, and only read on because the author has assured me that this is a crucial part of the story if I am to understand what is going on later. Applejinx, you have often told me that you try to emulate the same principles as Stephen King as you write these pony words. Thus, it comes as no shock to me that I felt as though my eyes were being dragged through the mud as I read this, because I have always felt the same for his books. The story itself is not entirely bad, but I'm going to have a hard time reaching the more interesting points of the story. Wish me luck.
The beginning of this confused the hell out of me. I could't tell exactly what was being felt and what the thoughts meant. What I kind of got: Fluttershy and Dash was just a friends with benefits moment. I'm not sure if Dash and AJ have had previous sexual encounters from your descriptions and character thoughts. AJ sounds... I don't know. They both sound Bi to me right now. Hopefully these questions will be answered later in the story.
I want to upvote this so bad, but it's got 666 up votes.....
That's too perfect to ruin! I will leave this story for now, and when someone removes the devils influence, I will upvote it! But for now, enjoy your satanic taint! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
I have a question:- what was Fluttershy doing when Rainbow Dash and Apple Jack was going at it hard? Because Apple Jack was obviously not mad at Fluttershy again, and she must have noticed that, so did she leave or stayed and enjoy the show?
uhm this is good shit to read w/ loud dramatic music
and it's also good for asking yourself exactly what the fuck have you done with your life
Is it wrong if I enjoyed... THAT? A LOT??
WHAT HAVE I BECOME !!
Oh Celestia ...............
Story used confusion.
It's super effective!
MeRBrony hurt itself in its confusion.
Oh...
My...
God...
Now I have to read the rest of this fic... right now...
I can hardly believe how well written this is. Top notch fic.
Aaand I'm rereading this. The things you make me do, Applejinx!
In any case... i can kinda see now how people could say it's OOC. AJ, as you say, is madly in love with Dash, and is seeing this... would be quite heart-shattering. But I think, what bugs me, is the lack of "setting". As in, there's little to no setup of the interest itself. Here, ironically enough compared to a comment in RWDE, AJ clearly loves Dash far more than Dash loves her, at least until the end. But that's still a physical love, on Dash's part.
To me, I kinda want to see how the attraction between the two STARTED. Why AJ is so attracted to Dash, and why Dash says she loves AJ, before her rain-gasm revelation at the end.
Unless this is covered in a later chapter and I've completely forgotten about it
“But... the gaaay, Dashie! The gay.” I completely lost it right there...
This could use a lot of work. The structure left me more confused than turn on and the way it was written just painted a muddled picture.
There was Drama, The Hot, The sexy, The CLOP, and The DAWWWWW.
Overall thoughts: It clops.... and its' GOOD!!!!! and this is the first Chapter too......
If I read this and liked it............ NEXT CHAPTER!!!!!
Off to read more......
1210898
And I'm rereading this now as well
I'd just like to pretend that RWDE didn't happen and the series stopped at this fic.
I think you shouldn't have gone for including so much trouble and drama in the sequels.
Also, the AppleDash in DF doesn't strike me as being as romantic and happy as this fic.
...
Huh?
So, RD was screwing M Fluttershy (poison joke) who crossed from liking it to being extremely disturbed and putting it out of her memory. Then AJ's heart broke. Then Fluttershy (Male?) left. Then AJ and RD had a heart to something talk. Then they fucked (Male AJ) Then RD came and FS actually left after watching the thing. Then AJ and RD are spouting off sentences made 80% out of 'love you'. Then they sleep.
Then I wonder what the buck is going on and look at the next chapter. (Also, how does that gem get passed around later. It isn't something they would give up...)
I like. Lots of win.
Failed return of FlutterGuy - weak.
"You're Wingy, not horny. And I'm clingy--but for you I'll be dicky" - win
"Was that a sonic rain-gasm?" - winning!
I also like how you de-spell AJ's speech patterns. Makes it easier to read in everyone's own voice patterns.
Win here, win there, win, win everywhere - where!
A little confusing when you talked about fluttershy, but overall a good clopfic
It is as I feared. This writing style is far too direct and always seems to leave either too much or two little to the imagination. Most times I became frustrated with the story, and only read on because the author has assured me that this is a crucial part of the story if I am to understand what is going on later. Applejinx, you have often told me that you try to emulate the same principles as Stephen King as you write these pony words. Thus, it comes as no shock to me that I felt as though my eyes were being dragged through the mud as I read this, because I have always felt the same for his books. The story itself is not entirely bad, but I'm going to have a hard time reaching the more interesting points of the story. Wish me luck.
The beginning of this confused the hell out of me. I could't tell exactly what was being felt and what the thoughts meant. What I kind of got: Fluttershy and Dash was just a friends with benefits moment. I'm not sure if Dash and AJ have had previous sexual encounters from your descriptions and character thoughts. AJ sounds... I don't know. They both sound Bi to me right now. Hopefully these questions will be answered later in the story.
I want to upvote this so bad, but it's got 666 up votes.....
That's too perfect to ruin! I will leave this story for now, and when someone removes the devils influence, I will upvote it! But for now, enjoy your satanic taint! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
My first impression, after reading this chapter?
Something like this: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahaaaaaaat the hell am i reading?
I have a question:- what was Fluttershy doing when Rainbow Dash and Apple Jack was going at it hard? Because Apple Jack was obviously not mad at Fluttershy again, and she must have noticed that, so did she leave or stayed and enjoy the show?
8379066
You'll see. Fluttershy likes to watch
I might be four years too late, but
Impeccable Dash logic
What the fuck was that?