135801 It begins with Applejack and Dash under a spell, and goes from there. It's supposed to be weird and disorienting because it's what it's like being manipulated by a powerful dangerous spell from the INSIDE... the biggest tipoff besides everything suddenly being different is the bit lying on the pillow 'smugly'. It's sprung its trap.
Hahaha! At first I was totally confused why they all had dicks, I thought it was a dream or something. Then I got mind-fucked because every pony who had held the bit was hypnotized. That was sort of hilarious, but it was amazing too.
I don't know why you had a ton of build up with Dash becoming more loving and all this other stuff to just have this part. I don't think there's any problem with this part, just that it wasn't put in at a point that made sense really. I don't know, it was very sudden and confusing.
Dat ending though. I hope Twilight finds some way to make the bit work without the threat of them all dying. That would be great.
Sadly, I have to agree with those above. It's not a bad chapter at all, not by a long stretch, but it's terribly... misplaced. Last two chapters were about the growing relationships between Rainbow and Pinkie and Applejack and Twilight, as well as letting Applejack and Rainbow really see what they have in each other. And then, out of nowhere: BAM! Sudden plot-twist is sudden, to use internet lingo. I certainly would've seen something like this at some point, but this time and place wasn't for it if you ask me.
Still, great chapter anyhow. It really gives the disoriented feeling one ought to experience in that situation. Granted, it worsened the reading some, but after reading your comment above it made some sense. Good work.
135901 "Then I got mind-fucked because every pony who had held the bit was hypnotized." Gold star! That's exactly it. They are rationalizing what they're being compelled to do, and accept the feeblest or silliest excuses to do it. Except Twilight- and Trixie, who knows far too well what's happening.
"I don't know why you had a ton of build up with Dash becoming more loving and all this other stuff to just have this part." You'll see. All threads continue. This was a gear-change, hence 'all hell breaks loose'. Now everypony has to go from here- in their respective ways.
And traps are SUPPOSED to spring suddenly and confusingly. The question is, can they have that bit back not in the form of a trap? There's a certain pony who needs the answer to that question like she needs life itself...
135997 I've stuck in a lil' italic hint right at the top about the hypnosis, since it's not meant to be at all mysterious about that part. I think it helps add the disorienting quality rather than just letting it be picked up as you go along- that might be too unfair to any first-time reader.
Remember, all the relationships have to continue to grow just as they were doin'. We just arrived at a specific point which is exactly when this Act 1 / Act 2 shift could happen. This moment has been planned since chapter four... and in fact moved back a couple of chapters as things developed, it was going to be chapter nine or ten.
Lastly, I would ask- if you desperately want to go back and have just a few more chapters as things were, how do you think they feel? The ponies' intense unresolved feelings matter here and will drive everything (off a cliff- j/k)
I think y'all are going to be happy with chapter seventeen- which might be more like chapter nineteen dependin' on how stuff works out
I find myself agreeing with both the others and you Mr/Ms author.
While I do believe this was a rather unexpected twist with almost no lead up, considering the last chapter ended with RD and AJ going out to work in the morning, you did raise a good point with 'And traps are SUPPOSED to spring suddenly and confusingly.'
And suddenly, everypony needs to go give Trixie one hell of a good dicking.
Interesting chapter on an interesting story nonetheless.
136778 This fic has been called Trixie's Magic Bit with no Trixie in it for far too long. I write it in Google Docs and every chapter's titled something like "Trixie's Magic Bit ch.23- Bone Of Contention"
How could I not spring the trap where the magic artifact ups an' makes EVERYPONY Trixie's Magic Bitch?
Sweet merciful Celestia, talk about a plot twist out of nowhere!
For the first few paragraphs I believed this to be a dream sequence... Just when I thought you were done building the emotional tension between characters you up the ante, and pile a whole another kind of mess on top of it. Great execution though, albeit mind-screwing, this chapter was a good read! I was expecting a turning point in the story but I never would have imagined this.
However, I'm worried about Twilight. Heck, I was already worried about her by the end of the last chapter! The way she acted towards Applejack, thinking of her as "her stallion"... I believe Twi's having some misconceptions about the exact nature of their relationship. And Rainbow's talk about unicorn magic squirting leading to strong emotional attachments just reaffirmed my worries. And now this... I hope she'll be alright.
Wait, what? Where did Trixie come from? No mention was made of her beyond a few oblique references as the former owner of the bit, and suddenly she's in town? When did this happen? Seriously, I hope this is explained as some sort of time jump from the perspective of the reader in later chapters. And maybe it's just me, but it seems like there was some character development that was in a missing chapter or two. This chapter just threw a HUGE curve ball.
That was unexpected. What the hell Princess Celestia? She knew about the curse, knew that ponies had DIED from it, and still she "walked off, untroubled" in chapter seven.
Also, I stand by my comment in the previous chapter saying AJ, RD and Pinkie too, to a certain extent, are fucking scumbags for just walking off and not even realising Fluttershy and Twi are hurting from not knowing where they stand. I hope this is rectified.
Talk about surprises. At first I though the post dream/hypnotic suggestion came from Trixie, confirming it when Trixie told them that they had their fun and now it her turn. But Twibroke that off completely.
And pinkie saves the day! With help from Lyra! Two for one! Hope she and BonBon make up.
I thought that the chapter was a dream at first, but then once the explanations started up, I figured it all out. Talk about a rough treatment! Getting fucked by 5 dicks and tongued by a Pinkie! Well, 4 dicks and a leg really...
So ponies are dying because of the bit and neither Princess Luna or Celestia is bothered about this. See why villians are always trying to over throw them expecially Celestia. Reasons like this is why it keeps happening. Also how did Trixie end up in Ponyville? Did the bit teleport her there or did Princess Celestia do it. Either way Princess Celestia is looking to get a serious beat down in the near future.
did you post the wrong chapter? because I have no clue what is going on
135801
It begins with Applejack and Dash under a spell, and goes from there. It's supposed to be weird and disorienting because it's what it's like being manipulated by a powerful dangerous spell from the INSIDE... the biggest tipoff besides everything suddenly being different is the bit lying on the pillow 'smugly'. It's sprung its trap.
Hahaha! At first I was totally confused why they all had dicks, I thought it was a dream or something. Then I got mind-fucked because every pony who had held the bit was hypnotized. That was sort of hilarious, but it was amazing too.
I don't know why you had a ton of build up with Dash becoming more loving and all this other stuff to just have this part. I don't think there's any problem with this part, just that it wasn't put in at a point that made sense really. I don't know, it was very sudden and confusing.
Dat ending though. I hope Twilight finds some way to make the bit work without the threat of them all dying. That would be great.
Sadly, I have to agree with those above. It's not a bad chapter at all, not by a long stretch, but it's terribly... misplaced. Last two chapters were about the growing relationships between Rainbow and Pinkie and Applejack and Twilight, as well as letting Applejack and Rainbow really see what they have in each other. And then, out of nowhere: BAM! Sudden plot-twist is sudden, to use internet lingo. I certainly would've seen something like this at some point, but this time and place wasn't for it if you ask me.
Still, great chapter anyhow. It really gives the disoriented feeling one ought to experience in that situation. Granted, it worsened the reading some, but after reading your comment above it made some sense. Good work.
135901
"Then I got mind-fucked because every pony who had held the bit was hypnotized."
Gold star! That's exactly it. They are rationalizing what they're being compelled to do, and accept the feeblest or silliest excuses to do it. Except Twilight- and Trixie, who knows far too well what's happening.
"I don't know why you had a ton of build up with Dash becoming more loving and all this other stuff to just have this part."
You'll see. All threads continue. This was a gear-change, hence 'all hell breaks loose'. Now everypony has to go from here- in their respective ways.
And traps are SUPPOSED to spring suddenly and confusingly. The question is, can they have that bit back not in the form of a trap? There's a certain pony who needs the answer to that question like she needs life itself...
Directed by M. Knight shamylayan? What a tweest!
Haha can't wait for what happens next.
135997
I've stuck in a lil' italic hint right at the top about the hypnosis, since it's not meant to be at all mysterious about that part. I think it helps add the disorienting quality rather than just letting it be picked up as you go along- that might be too unfair to any first-time reader.
Remember, all the relationships have to continue to grow just as they were doin'. We just arrived at a specific point which is exactly when this Act 1 / Act 2 shift could happen. This moment has been planned since chapter four... and in fact moved back a couple of chapters as things developed, it was going to be chapter nine or ten.
Lastly, I would ask- if you desperately want to go back and have just a few more chapters as things were, how do you think they feel? The ponies' intense unresolved feelings matter here and will drive everything (off a cliff- j/k)
I think y'all are going to be happy with chapter seventeen- which might be more like chapter nineteen dependin' on how stuff works out
I find myself agreeing with both the others and you Mr/Ms author.
While I do believe this was a rather unexpected twist with almost no lead up, considering the last chapter ended with RD and AJ going out to work in the morning, you did raise a good point with 'And traps are SUPPOSED to spring suddenly and confusingly.'
And suddenly, everypony needs to go give Trixie one hell of a good dicking.
Interesting chapter on an interesting story nonetheless.
136778
This fic has been called Trixie's Magic Bit with no Trixie in it for far too long.
I write it in Google Docs and every chapter's titled something like
"Trixie's Magic Bit ch.23- Bone Of Contention"
How could I not spring the trap where the magic artifact ups an' makes EVERYPONY Trixie's Magic Bitch?
Sweet merciful Celestia, talk about a plot twist out of nowhere!
For the first few paragraphs I believed this to be a dream sequence... Just when I thought you were done building the emotional tension between characters you up the ante, and pile a whole another kind of mess on top of it. Great execution though, albeit mind-screwing, this chapter was a good read! I was expecting a turning point in the story but I never would have imagined this.
However, I'm worried about Twilight. Heck, I was already worried about her by the end of the last chapter! The way she acted towards Applejack, thinking of her as "her stallion"... I believe Twi's having some misconceptions about the exact nature of their relationship. And Rainbow's talk about unicorn magic squirting leading to strong emotional attachments just reaffirmed my worries. And now this... I hope she'll be alright.
Great setup! I was like
I need to get drunk to read this
Wait, what? Where did Trixie come from? No mention was made of her beyond a few oblique references as the former owner of the bit, and suddenly she's in town? When did this happen? Seriously, I hope this is explained as some sort of time jump from the perspective of the reader in later chapters. And maybe it's just me, but it seems like there was some character development that was in a missing chapter or two. This chapter just threw a HUGE curve ball.
That was unexpected. What the hell Princess Celestia? She knew about the curse, knew that ponies had DIED from it, and still she "walked off, untroubled" in chapter seven.
Also, I stand by my comment in the previous chapter saying AJ, RD and Pinkie too, to a certain extent, are fucking scumbags for just walking off and not even realising Fluttershy and Twi are hurting from not knowing where they stand. I hope this is rectified.
That was the most bizarre act of heroism... ever
Talk about surprises. At first I though the post dream/hypnotic suggestion came from Trixie, confirming it when Trixie told them that they had their fun and now it her turn. But Twibroke that off completely.
And pinkie saves the day! With help from Lyra! Two for one! Hope she and BonBon make up.
I thought that the chapter was a dream at first, but then once the explanations started up, I figured it all out. Talk about a rough treatment! Getting fucked by 5 dicks and tongued by a Pinkie! Well, 4 dicks and a leg really...
IM SO CONFUSED
encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSir2ELuBQ7GptiZufiNttEdDW9GcAr7_juNct6-MgRd2UcnRY4BQ
So ponies are dying because of the bit and neither Princess Luna or Celestia is bothered about this. See why villians are always trying to over throw them expecially Celestia. Reasons like this is why it keeps happening. Also how did Trixie end up in Ponyville? Did the bit teleport her there or did Princess Celestia do it. Either way Princess Celestia is looking to get a serious beat down in the near future.