Volcano Saber. now calling himself Dire Saber, decided to kill his own brother and take over Equestria, Lightning however escaped and tries to defend Canterlot with his bare hooves, will he succeed? Will Lightning be able to defeat his brother and find out the truth on why he turned against him? Or will he just led Canterlot to destruction? Read the story if you want to know more! (By the way cover-art by my friend Sylvia, message me if you need her to draw some for you, well, it comes with a cost. And she doesn't draw ponies, that's the reason it's human.) Note, remake will be done on another account, because this one sucked badly, I'm only 14, learning new ways of writing, hope you guys understand.
Chapters (11)
No
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Why?
5050081 Because Alicorns
Im sorry if it doesn't fit ur taste. This is my first attempt plus it's supposed to be an OC battle, not sombra vs the princesses
This seems fairly unrelated to ponies, but okay then.
What? It is, but she say to me: I'm not obsessed with ponies like you ! I draw only anime characters.
So apparently it's anime picture *hahaha* but do leave a mail to tell me if you want her to draw, ( remember it comes with a price)
Why? Oh sorry, I forgot to inform that Dire's size is actually an average stallion size of an alicorn, sorry !!! My first attempt is badddd
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It kind of is, yeah. I think you should calm down and be less hyper, and that will be the first step towards getting better.
Advice time:
This feels like self-insert. Don't write self-insert to start out, it takes real skill to not fuck it up. And that's before the justified hatred of self-insert stories comes into play.
This doesn't feel like a pony story. It feels like a story about two dudes, and you just changed the word... let's say "guy" to "alicorn", basically. Doesn't feel like it connects to Equestria.
Alicorns. Especially OC alicorns. Do not write about OC alicorns. Period. There's literally a handful of writers on this site that can pull it off and be loved for it. The rest get ignored, or ridiculed. And most of the time they deserve it.
This feels like the transcript of an anime fight more than a view into a grand clash of royal godling-horses.
The technical nitpicks can be done by someone else, I'm just passing through.
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