The Abyss Stares Back

by Peridork

The Useful Nature Of Stairs

Twilight groaned as she painfully opened her eyes and stared out into her prison, The beeping of a nearby machine told her that she was currently in the hospital, yet she couldn't completely remember how she got there. It only eluded her. She knew that it had to do with an evil menace that would consume the wold with its tendrils of influence as it worked to enslave the pony race, And that it had something to do with her recent travel to the Crystal Empire.

But everything was blank. It was as if she couldn't even try to yank those memories out. And her friends weren't helping- Fluttershy was tight lipped as to what exactly made her take a mind numbing tumble down some stairs. Rarity just came by every once in a while to check in on her progress and talk with Nurse Redheart about Twilight's care. Applejack just gave her food and apologized about what happened. And she hadn't hide nor hair of Pinkie Pie or Rainbow Dash. Her friends just cryptically said that they were getting the best care.

But there was one thing that couldn't change- the written word. Twilight had one thing going for her. She remembered the point before the white, and at that one point of hope she had been writing a report to Princess Celestia about her findings and it was the only record about what transpired here.

The door opened and her number one assistant scampered in on his short little legs. "Hi, Spike."

Twilight tried to sound cheerful but the sound died in her throat as she saw the look in his eyes. His green eyes were empty of all knowledge and he was in all sense of the word- a wooden puppet. He just shook his head, placed the heavy tome on the table and walked out.

She looked down and saw the snaking vines jutting out of her skin- like IV needles that brought the nutrients that she needed into her conscious mind. She could see the veins on her legs as tree sap oozed from the blood machine into her veins. She felt happy. She felt the glory of the stairs pass into her soul as the wooden benefactor that had saved her mind from complete destruction whispered under her cold memory.

Flashes of her journey into the hospital began assailing her. Whispered words from the Ponyville populace about their lord and master. Her friends dodging the question why ponies liked stairs so much. Fluttershy blinking and using her Stare-

Twilight shivered as the horror of her kind pegasus shifting into a tree beast that had no eyes. Where they were supposed to be were just spires of wooden intent. They bored into the souls of anypony and creature that stared for too long. And ten the world shifted back into the bright and airy normal Ponyville air that encapsulated the little town.

She had ran.

Running was safe. She had to have told somepony- but she couldn't remember. That was the last true thing she remebered truthfully.

The rest were just hazy shades of crazed ramblings of insane looping staircases.

Cool air brushed her snout as the door opened by itself and she felt a calming presence in her mind. It said one word: "Ftaires!"

And Twilight could feel the meaning of that one guttural word. It was what had made Fluttershy that way. The creature that was talking to her was surrounding her at this very moment, as she reached out to touch the table that held the book that would stop this pleasant night mare that made her world turn upside down like the anti-gravity spell had during that arduous stair climbing exercise in the Crystal Empire.

As she touched the tome that she had planned to send to Princess Celestia, the presence howled in anger and her room began to shake ,

***

Twilight woke up in a puddle of black ink and a mass of papers.from when she had fallen down her stairs. She tried to move her limbs, but the shock from the fall made her whole body ache and a long hollow moan came out when she gingerly touched her side.

"That's going to leave a bruise."

She dragged herself on the floor to the bathroom as slowly as possible to not make her side flame up in pain. Her horn sparked with magic to see if there was nothing broken. Outside of a few large bruises- Twilight was fine. Then she noticed a small cut on her forehead. Gently prodding it with a hoof- she felt a small and insignificant tendril of vine crawl out of her forehead and wrap itself gently around her hoof.

She screamed.

***

Rainbow Desk, Mahogany, Rosacea, Willow, and Piney Pine were worried about their friend Tall Spruce. The town of Treeville stood resolute against the sky as the citizens moved lazily in the forest- each getting their necessary nutrients from the soil granted by the Princesses Chesnut and Larch, The long lives of the sacred grove of Chlorophyll-lot and the world grove that Treeland was on gave each and every tree pause to think about how grateful their were at their benevolent tree goddesses that controlled the life giving orb and the sleep orb with their great and mighty branches.

***

Twilight breathed in the fresh air as she began to work on her way towards the center of town. She reflexively waved at her friends who. thanks to the schedule, were rushing to the next scene. The purple puppet closed her mouth and began to reach for the door with a string tied hoof. The play was going off without a hitch. The one who moved all was getting his due.

***

"Should we get help?" Twilight's five friends stood around her. Her bruised and battered body stared up unblinking and moaning at the ceiling,

"Nah, she can walk it off. It was only a tumble down her stairs. . ." Rainbow Dash smirked, remembering all the times the she flew into mountains and hurt herself. Falling down stairs was nothing.

"And I did warn the dear about that top step of hers. I almost had a fall myself during our last get together. I warned her about those old stairs." Rarity sighed.

"So what do we want to do?" Fluttershy spoke up. She had to be the voice of reason- everypony else was just too lackadaisical about Twilight falling down and hurting herself.

"Who wants to go for a picnic? Mr. and Mrs. Cake gave me some cupcakes that they baked." Pinkie Pie pulled out a large basket of very tasty looking cupcakes. "Who's in?"

The five friends looked at each other- and then glanced at Twilight- they looked at each other again.

"I'll bring the apple cider."

And so Twilight lay still on her library floor. Moaning and groaning like the living dead. Her good friends living life in the sun that Celestia raises everyday and having a good old picnic. And Twilight Sparkle, stuffiest librarian on this side of order soon got all better because she's a pretty little princess and ponies do that.

***

Twilight's eye twitched. Her mane was slowly smoldering and the full body cast that she was stuck in was beginning to melt to her coat in her infinite rage at the visitor that had entered her hospital room and dared to tell her a story.

"Discord."

"Yes, Twilight?" Discord, for his part, was dressed in the finest red bathrobe chaos could buy and was puffing on some of the most vintage candy cigars children could think of. His comfy chair happened to be one Twilight Sparkle. Who was currently in the hospital because of the silliest little tumble down the smallest flight of stairs that Discord could remember.

"Discord. Please stop narrating every thought I have. This is not a movie."

"But Celestia-"

"Discord. I. Don't. Care. Celestia didn't tell you to tell me stories. She told you that she wanted to have a night alone."

"But the next one was going to be all grand and manly adventure. Daring Do and the Flight of Stairs!"

"Get out."

"Fine. But I'll leave the book on the table, Its a rousing tale about Daring Do when she's in a similar predicament- except that she has the manners to listen to a dragonequus's rousing tale of stairs."

Twilight just stared back at him and pointed at the door.

Author's Note:

Blame Homestuck just a little bit. And House of Leaves for "Ftaires!" Also falling down stairs does hurt a little bit so I might have made a "stairs control the world" fic by accident. Or at least a "wood products are evil fic." This is pretty dumb for me. And way different style. And it is a one shot.

I warned you it was random.

Comments

[PhoenixFeather-101]

This is very random. I got completely lost many times reading this. First, Twilight was in the hospital, next she was down the stairs with a vine growing out of her face, then, she's sitting in the library moaning and groaning! I'm really confused.

[SSJRandomMaster]

Wait, you mean another story where Discord is an unrepentant dick who doesn't get any comeuppance for almost killing one of his friends? It must be my birthday or something.

I want to know why this stuff is funny. Did anyone laugh when Discord bullied Pinkie Pie in the episodes? I'm really curious to know now. Since it seems to be a recurring theme these days.

Maybe it's the slapstick, but hey, I'm not an expert. I mean, the reason why Tom and Jerry is so funny with its slapstick is because most of the time Tom brings it on himself through his actions. With the Three Stooges, even Moe Howard gets smacked around a bit. But with these Discord fics that reuse the same two jokes (Twilight getting hurt and Discord calling her fat), all I see is the start of a Tom and Jerry short in which Tom is an unrepentant dick playing on a constant loop through the whole of the fic. It stops being funny at some point, and for me, it stopped being funny when the show made it his whole character.

Can someone sit down and explain to me why fics like this are funny? Because I'm failing to see the humor here.

P.S. All of these fics have one thing in common: I can tell when Discord's the narrator of the tale before his name is even dropped. Your fic has Twilight almost dying because of Discord's machinations and her friends not caring because of the same reasons. And I'm supposed to laugh because it's Discord? No. I really can't find that funny.

[Peridork]

5102813

Well that is a very well worded rebuttal to this fic of mine. I hope I didn't completely fail. I just wanted to let off some steam and I just seem to channel Discord's mean spirited fairy tales when I write like this.

Sure I didn't like how it completely came out- some of the mini-scenes were in my own opinion- weird and unfinished. I personally wonder why people like this- this was me just being as terrible as I could be with a supposed high art premise.

I also wanted to let off some steam from my generally bad week- so I wrote this on a whim.

I had no idea I was in this subculture of writing unrepentant Discord troll fics. I didn't even know that was a thing that other people did. I wrote it less as a comedy and more of a overly serious thing for the heck of it.

I do like the criticism- I'm flattered really. And I have no idea why slapstick Discord is a thing. And I really didn't want to use Twilight- overuse since she is the main character of a lot of stories- to general effect. But she does live in a tree- and she has a staircase. And I just wanted to have fun. Thanks for the somewhat negative comment nonetheless.

[SSJRandomMaster]

5102872

You know, honestly, I'm surprised. I wouldn't have been if you had somehow defended Discord almost killing one of his friends as funny, but that's just the impression I've gotten out of the Discordian subculture. They will unquestioningly find anything he does funny, even murder. At least, that's the impression I've been getting since no one likes/uses the nicer Discord, the one that can actually feel remorse (see end of Season 4).

I read your blog and I feel a little bad about what I said, but honestly I was letting out some steam that had been building up for a while now.

I just wish someone would write a story where Discord gets comeuppance for acting like he does for once. Even if he does this kind of stuff, I'd still feel better if the story calls him out on his actions or the story makes it so he receives payback for his actions. Something! Because I, as one of the scant few bronies who never liked Discord*, need a little more out of him than him being an OP bullying asshole.

*Seriously, his Season 2 performance wasn't funny, but that may be because I saw the fans' interpretations of him first. Even so I probably wouldn't have laughed once at the whole thing.

Still, thanks for replying. Hope I didn't come across as too harsh.

[BloodyBubblegum]

This vagueness is amazing. I can barely understand the plot of this single chapter and that actually impresses me. Not only did you stick to the dream format of not having any coherent following, but you added a confusing ending. That is the nature of dreams, and I wish more people represented such more faithfully. The vines are a great image of both invasion and alien nature. To imagine yourself engulfed from within by moving plants is such an eldritch concept, not three people would have the identical response. Your works continue to amaze me, Coshki. And, by some stretch of the imagination, I hope you harness that wild, blaring imagination for more lunacy.

[Peridork]

5102905

No problem man. Its just that as a culture- we've become attached to "troll" Discord- the repentant Discord is still too new to see often in Discord fics. Its just a thing that'll become easier with time. People also don't like calling out Discord for some of the weird things he does- dunno why, Some of the things he did in Season 2 and 3 were really messed up and no one- in canon even- called him out for it.

And no- him murdering his buddies would be terrible. I mean Twilight falling down stairs is one thing and him laughing at it- murder is a whole other level of reprehensible

Or at least they didn't often. And anyway we're still trying to figure out how a reformed Discord acts. He's been so focused on big pranks (his introduction, the plunder seeds,etc.) that small ones are still weird. And reformation is a major step- how does it affect his ideals? What would he do for letting off steam? I just think he'd come annoy ponies with random stories and mess with them- especially if they can't get away- Twilight is in the hospital and he just wants to spice up that boring tale about her falling down the stairs- so the story happened.

Funny how you call it a Discordian subculture because that is actually a religion. Well its 'Discordianism' but still funny. Though that is a different thing entirely.

[Peridork]

5102940

Oh I try. It was just a writing exercise of mine that I wanted to try, And the idea that vines are crawling under your skin is a very big dream of mine- for certain reasons. And I did warn you guys about weird. And I was going for eldritch fun. And something dream like with a hint of story.

[Eater-of-Worlds Smooze]

The pacing is a bit fast, which makes the story somewhat confusing, which is good for a dream. Lovely imagery. Twilight fhtagn!

One problem: How does Twilight know that Celestia told him she wanted to have a night alone?

Thus saith the Lord!
-Pimp Lord Smooze, Eater of Worlds, Blood God Extraordinaire, Fic Reviewing Master, Connoisseur of Self-Aggrandizement