Equestria is dead. Using massive weapons of utter destruction, the Caribou have killed all but a handful of ponies, including Princess Twilight. But leaving the Princess of Magic alive was folly. After all, love conquers all. Even death.
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What was with that mare? You have got to expand on the Changelings in this universe, among other things. What other raised Queens? Hooray, down with the Caribou!
If you really want your story to be better, you have to try and making action scenes longer. Cutting them off ruins the story or makes it confusing to know what happened before if we forget. Expand your chapters and they will be better.
BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD
Pretty good. I really like Twilight's attack plan there. However, like 4968117 said, what do you mean by other raised Queens?
And like 4968166 said, I think the action scenes could be a little longer as well. It would not only make the chapters seem a little longer, but it would also add more depth to those said scenes. I like fully imagining battle scenes in my head. Other than those two things, pretty good. I do wonder though. What in the wide world of Equestria was up with that mare at the base of the Celestia and Luna statue? Was she beginning an attempt to free them or was she just wacko? Oh well, I we'll find out sooner or later.
Good chapter and I look forward to the next one as always.
~ Super-Brony12
4968207
Raised Changeling Queens. ^___^ I am working on a ToaNE Changeling project that will be started after the initial storyline, along with Trotsylvania, and Trixie's ponies. It will be explained more in depth then.
4968228
Oh, that side story you've been mentioning? Well, as long as we get to see ponies rising up, undoing the Caribou's evil, I'm OK with it, though I do agree that the action sequences could be a bit longer. BTW, how are things going for your other in-progress stories?
The fact that you're actually using strategy in your battle scenes and not a horde of undead is a huge plus and I think I know how twi is planning to do to bolster her ranks
I simply cannot get enough of this awesome story! Every day I look at my favorites page hoping to see a new chapter.
My guess is that the mare is a Changeling--they can control their bodies' appearance, so it isn't out of the question that they could use their magic to manipulate parts of their body once it leaves them--like blood. She wasn't mentioned as a unicorn, and if she was she'd have her horn sawed off, so I think we're seeing Lyra's real contribution to the war.
If it isn't that, then my guess is that one of the enslaved ponies came up with an idea not much different than Trixie's (although if so, we have had a rather long stream of ponies managing to use dark magicks without ill consequence. I don't know how much longer that could keep up).
Or it's Discord, somehow weakened to the point that he can't act directly.
But more than who the mare is, I'm more interested in what she intends to do. Is the blood a method of communication? Is it to finish healing the alicorns within (most notably, to separate their melted skin from the metal)? Does she think they're dead and is trying to use conventional necromancy to animate them? Is she trying to supply them magic power? Or is she trying to damage the shell around them, feeding some manner of weakening blood into it? The cracks on the statues is what prompted that thought, although she could have cracked it to let her put her blood through it in the first place.
And I very much like the "animate as we invade" tactic Twilight's pulling off. If anything could keep the Caribou from rallying together, it would be glowing red dead ponies pouring out of the buildings they could have sworn they killed them in. I hope they don't panic from not having their... situation explained as soon as they awoke.
I'm wondering: where is Discord ?
Must have been some pretty... angry... birds then.
Also , I was reading this while listening to the french national anthem (quite fitting by the way , as it describe something kind of like what Twilight is currently doing) and it occured to me that maybe Twilight should create a new equestrian anthem to reflect the new...drive... of the country.
Just though it would be kind of cool to see them charge singing that...
I still think one of the most important lines is when Twilight mentions she might need counseling. It shows she isn't going mad with her power and that she realizes she still might need some help, as that little outburst here showed. Also, I'm not sure why, but this line just seems out of place/odd/something to me, like it should be italicized or in quotes or something.
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4968370 I second that sentiment
4968370
I third this sentiment. I accidentally didn't turn on my mature filter and didn't think there was a update for a month. Then I did was delighted at all the chapters I could read.
Twilight remembers that lesson well.
Celestia: Twilight, there is a time a place for malicious laughter.
Twilight: How will I know when the time is right princess?
Celestia: You will know, but a word of advice, wait until you have succeeded in your endeavor before giving in. Many have fallen to premature laughter.
Twilight: Yes princess.
How is everyone enjoying the technological differences?
ToaNE will cover mostly the military side of the technology, but the side stories will be covering the more mundane implications. But I would love feedback.
I like it. It's interesting to see the magic tech mix. Reminds me of aviator w kora. Would love to see what magical womd's Twilight could cook up if given time .
Twilight resurrected changeling queens as well now?
I have no clue what this sentence is doing, it sounds like a piece of dialog but has no quotes.
Wonder how Cadance will feel about love magic being used to as necromancy.
Twilight you were never "cool." Your a nerd! A really awesome nerd.
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