ever sense flight school fluttershy and rainbow dash have been friends. but fluttershy wish's that thy could be more. when rainbow dash show's up at her door late one night she sets out to tell dash her true feelings.
Chapters (1)
dashille
Joined 13th Jul, 2014 ·
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secrete
se·crete 1 (s-krt)
tr.v. se·cret·ed, se·cret·ing, se·cret·es
To generate and separate (a substance) from cells or bodily fluids: secrete digestive juices.
Secret
1se·cret
adjective \ˈsē-krət\
: kept hidden from others : known to only a few people
: keeping information hidden from others
Full Definition of SECRET
1
a : kept from knowledge or view : hidden
b : marked by the habit of discretion : closemouthed
c : working with hidden aims or methods : undercover <a secret agent>
d : not acknowledged : unavowed <a secret bride>
e : conducted in secret <a secret trial>
2
: remote from human frequentation or notice : secluded
3
: revealed only to the initiated : esoteric
4
: designed to elude observation or detection <a secret panel>
5
: containing information whose unauthorized disclosure could endanger national security — compare confidential, top secret
— se·cret·ly adverb
See secret defined for English-language learners »
See secret defined for kids »
Since I doubt this story is about Fluttershy's stomach acid, or that she has the ability to launch it at her prey, I think you want the second word, not the first.
Okay. First off: The spelling. The spelling is somewhat decent, but there are quite a few mistakes here and there. Especially in the chapter name and story name. It should be secret and secrets. Second: The paragraph format. This is very crucial in giving your readers less strain. Don't build a wall of text in our story. Every paragraph should be double spaced and indented. When having a character speak, always double space so that it doesn't get lost-in-text. Lastly, the story itself and its plot. The story itself seems like the work of someone who tried to ship something that couldn't float. The plot was mediocre at best and the whole thing was just unnecessarily rushed.Characters appeared from thin air and were just there to figuratively force the story. Refrain from doing this, as it can cause many plot holes and derail the story as a whole.
Well, that's all I have to say.
4722557
But think about how awesome that story would be!!
4722627 Yeah. I could see it now.
"Um... Rainbow Dash, I have a secret."
"Yeah?"
*cue Dilophosaurus frill rattle*
"Uh... Flutter-"
*Fluttershy spits acid in Dash's eyes.*
Wow. Just... wow.
Just in the title and story description alone, we have five misspelled words, two missing commas, and not a single word capitalized.
And not even the chapter title is spelled correctly.
Dear gods, don't they teach any basic grammar and spelling in schools these days?
Once you fix the grammar and spelling, it could have at least had some effort put into it.
4722557
Y'know...If this were a porn story she could be dripping on something, which would make the title correct.
4722557
...that went somewhere horrible really fast, didn't it?
4722764 Heh. I love the internet.
4722570 thank you for your in put on my story. it is greatly appreciated.
4722709 i would just like to say that for some reason when i fix all my grammar and spelling on my story's after it gets approved my computer screws up all the change's i have made and show's the story with all the mistakes.
4722764 yes it did. i wrote this in a hurry because the story just kind of pooped up in my head and i didn't want to lose it. i intend on going back and adding more detail to it to make it it a little more longer.
4724654 So, as a bit of friendly writing advice. When a story pops into your head, and you want to write it down quickly so you don't lose it, do so...
Then read it over and edit it BEFORE you post it. I get that you're in a hurry to share your words with the world, but as demonstrated by this scenario, if your grammar and spelling is so bad that people can't understand what you're trying to share with them, then your story fails no matter how exciting and amazing you think your premise is.
You never get a second chance to make a first impression. Sadly, in this case, that ship has sailed. In the future, please consider this:
Seriously. Stop. Slow down. Read through your writing. READ IT OUT LOUD TO YOURSELF. Make changes as necessary. Edit it. THEN post it. Some prereaders wouldn't be a bad idea either. Get more than one set of eyes on it.
Your readers will thank you.
4724644
Okay, first off -- stop using apostrophe-S to make plurals. 's makes the possessive, not the plural.
Oh, and the first-person pronoun, "I"? Always capitalized.
The first word of a new sentence? Always capitalized.
I very much doubt that your computer is at fault here. Computers do not arbitrarily remove the capital letters from words, or remove commas from sentences, or misspell plurals as possessives. Assuming that you actually did go back and try to fix these issues, are you sure you actually clicked "save" to save the changes?
But really -- you shouldn't be making basic errors like this in the first place. This is not quantum physics-level stuff here, love. Capitalizing names? Capitalizing the first word in a sentence? Plurals vs. possessives, and the difference between "there", "their", and "they're"? These are all things you should have learned in primary school; my 4th-grade teacher would've flunked anyone who turned in a writing assignment that looked like that.
Bad grammar.
But hey, At least its not as bad as my first story.
I had grammar, pacing, and characterization issues.
4724654
Definitely not the best story I've ever read, but not that bad. I would've extended the like, the whole scene, especially the scene atbRairutys and the confession itself. Also your grammar is...uh...I'm trying to think of a nice way to say that it's terrible and you should REALLY get an editor
4722709 I have to second this. I mean to disrespect to you personally, but when there are spelling and grammar errors in the story title, description and chapter title, it puts you off wanting to read it.