"Body modifications are what anyone needs!"
"They are easy, cheap, and perfect for everyone."
"Our mother Celestia promises you'll be welcome in the Solar Empire with this simple action!"
It'd been a long time since people have actually lived in peace with one another. I suppose with the few in power living in prosperity, there are some now miserable, and hardly living at all- Things were bound to go bad eventually. Now, of course, there are two sides to every story and the others caught in-between. The Solar Empire, and The Lunar Republic. Enemies since birth, pure opposites, and now they are building up their armies.
The Lunar Republic was created to stop the Solar Empire, even though it's naturally better with its armor and supplies. Celestia has always had more than her sister Luna. The Republic is built more on numbers at this point, a rag tag team of bandits. But, there is always power in numbers.
Now. Everyone here is either fully human, a mage, or touched by an angel at birth and given wings. No one understands exactly why some people are different then others, but they are. The Lunar Republic must win this war, or humanity will be lost to the Solar Empire.
Storm, Alessa, and Sophie; a group of rag tag rebels rise up against immense odds to fight the corrupt Celestia's tyranny. Face impossible odds to free a nation on the brink of collapse. From the corrupt and evil Celestia.
Alessa: The shy city Angelic who gets wrapped up in Storm's adventure.
Storm: Powerful mage vent on Celestia's downfall.
Sophie: The small spunky mute with no magical ability.
Blitz, and Isabel; an unusual pair on Celestia's side. Covered in mechanical part to enhance their powers. Each very powerful and corrupt.
Blitz: Leader of the Wonderboltz with no remorse for anyone.
Isabel: Powerful healer whos always been loyal to mother Celestia.
Our OC's go into this Story, along with some of the characters from the show.
Luna's uprising is beginning, who's side are you on?
If youre gonna dislike,you should comment
I got your back.
Tell you the truth. This is really damn good writing you two have got going here
Idk why in hell you ratings so low.
Although most of these broken society fics die because they dont get the support they need.
I personally dislike the whole gore and rape. But I'll deal. Really just develop the story and keep it going. You have my full backing. 14/17 so far on the penguin scale.
...
Plus Jonah will like the rape and gore.
Weird pervy Jonah.....
-end line
Nice story so far
4691445
Thank you, that actually means a lot! We realize the beginning is a little bit slow, but we believe it picks up as the chapters go on.
We were getting a little worried with the low ratings, but your comment really made us feel better.
Really appreciate it
4693297
No problem mate.
I see potential so I don't want this to do bomb dive like a Japanese zero pilot.
4693297
Although If I can say one thing. Your cover pic is kinda meh. Keep it for now. But I would suggest getting something more eye catching to grab more views.
img.pandawhale.com/36287-Captain-America-Right-in-the-F-K15D.gif
So i guess the war betwen solar empire and lunar republic is like germany vs russia durning ww2 oh and the real war is betwen ponys not humans so i'm going to dislikes sorry i can only read it if there is one human in war
I pumped my fists so hard, I broke a rub and punctured my lung...
I'm glad your back at it mate XD
Alright, seeing as no one else has done it and I'm here and give two shits, I'll give you my short and sweet to why you might be sitting at 50-50.
To start, the story is solid as an idea. It's interesting enough to want to keep going at the very least. And the good guys seem well rounded enough, rough but it is the start of the story so some points could be held till they've had a chance to develop.
The not so good part is just about everything else story wise. You have an destination but no clear course to get there. I'm sure part of the reason why they didn't just run off to Ponyville at the Beginning was to pick up sophie, but that in itself was a poor choice, considering that she could have been taken to begin with as thanks for helping.
What's more is that you're all over the place with your characters. You start one sentence with storm talking and in the next alessa steps in, just to finish with storm talking again. It can be hard to follow and is sufficient to say, annoying.
Lastly your antagonist are pretty, forgive me, shite as characters. Under developed even with just introductory scenes, and a tad bland in my mind. A dick head jock is all I get from blitz, and Isabel is a slut who happens to know healing spells, who also likes twilight.
Not trying to rag on you friend, just trying to let give you that outside perspective, and more than just a 'it's good but not really,' like I seem to keep getting. You have the makings of a good story, but it needs a lot more tlc to be great. Hope you take all of this with a grain of salt...or rice...however the saying goes.
this needs to have a "sex" tag
This story has some grammatical errors but is overall a good one